[Lace Watkins]

https://laceonrace.com/2021/05/05/early-may-ask/

Early May Ask

Discussion

[Catherine Seaver]

I’m so consistently grateful for this space and the questions that push me further. First of all, I’m so excited Lace that you are our Executive Director! I celebrate you and this community and the ethos you have shaped!

And at this moment, as I’m sitting in a quiet house thinking about the day ahead – my lists and commitments, these words are now resonating: “how I live is an indicator of who I am. Who I am truly willing to share and disclose my convictions too. Where I do or do not have skin in the game. Where I am laying dormant, waiting for the Next Big Thing, or if I am making determined progress, with all deliberate speed, towards the person who I say that I want to be, in service to the people I say I stand with and for, and the world in which I want to walk and serve.”

This idea of determined progress – moving with all deliberate speed – towards the person I want to be, that has been profoundly helpful to me as I hold the fullness of my life at this moment, and knowing that there will be stumbling along the way, and to keep going, to hold myself and others with Hesed love and to keep walking. These words and praxis are grounding to me. I’ve financially engaged this month and will continue to engage with my time, energy and resources.

[Clare Steward]

Who I am in this space is who I am. Who I am when things are calm and quiet is who I am. Who I am in times of turbulence and stress is who I am. I continue to work towards congruence in all parts of myself and ensure that who I am at the core shines through no matter the circumstance- and that I am always acting in alignment with the North Star both inside my head and with my outside words and actions. I am not there yet and I recognize that it will take constant work to become and stay firmly and deeply rooted.

There is always a path to go deeper and grow in stronger so that I can grow out harder and with more unwavering conviction. Lace asked me to envision who I could be in 10 years and the impact I can have while celebrating and acknowledging the person I am right now. Each and every one of us has the power to change ourselves and influence those with whom we abide. We are learning the tools to do that here under Lace’s guidance and within community where kind candor and Hesed love keep our sites on the North Star.

The health and longevity of this space is important and I will engage with my whole authentic self- my heart, my soul, my mind and finances. To do the work, I must trust myself, my abilities, my character, my worth and what I have to bring to the table and I am asking everyone here to do the same. Be open, have courage, contribute, speak up, embrace course correction and feedback, and forge deep and meaningful connections. There is so much work to do and I look forward to doing in community with all of you.

[Catherine Seaver]

I love hearing how Lace asked you questions about envisioning who you are in 10 years – it helps to shift our focus, especially when these moments right now can feel overwhelming or all-encompassing with life and loss and the demands of this moment. So grateful to be walking with you Clare and thinking about the next ten years. Thank you for being brave and going deeper. I learn as I walk with you.

[Christin Spoolstra]

“my heart, my soul, my mind and finances” – what is required is whole body praxis… thank you for the reminder that I can’t partition into giving “enough” of myself. My whole self is needed in this work.

[Shara Cody]

Trusting ourselves and acknowledging where we are now and where we can go in years to come as we continue to learn and act are wonderful reminders and prompts from Lace. I too believe in this space and will engage with you, Clare, and with everyone else who engages openly and honestly and with my whole self.

[Emily Holzknecht]

Your comment leads me to realize I need to do some envisioning of my own…

[Julia Tayler]

I need to do some envisioning too. I also agree with my whole authentic self- my heart, my soul, my mind and my finances. Yep.

[Christin Spoolstra]

I’m not here for the topical. I’m here because LoR prepares me to act on the topical, on the everyday racism to which my eyes used to be shut. I have already engaged for May as well as some extra as we distribute our stimulus. Those funds are for you to delegate however you feel fit.

[Emily Holzknecht]

I like how you acknowledge that the topical isn’t everything and it isn’t irrelevant either.

[Christina Sonas]

Headlines and similar ways that we learn about the world going on around us — that approach to events and occurrences is internalized to how we view our own lives, too. We are alert to the newsmakers there — good ones, like birthdays and promotions and lovers, and unfortunate ones that cause significant loss, hurt, fear. But while my headlines are important, no one will come to know me if the headlines are all they see. In truth, some of my headlines may not even make sense. My life is mostly lived in the in between.

If all I pay attention to regarding Black and brown people, regarding racism, are the headlines, I will never understand well enough to truly lessen and mitigate wh harm.

[Laura Berwick]

I want to affirm that I have financially engaged this month. I have an alarm set to remind me to do so on the 1st, and another set to remind me to look at my finances at the end of the month to see if I can do more. My goal is to not get to the end of the month with more available. My goal is to engage with what I can where I can unprompted ad a month progresses. But it reminds me to be mindful about “can” and “won’t”.

Being part of this community, having all of the guidelines posts and pinned posts under my belt and part of my praxis has made me a less harmful person, but I won’t ever be safe by default, without active engagement. So there’s always something to garner here, to improve and bolster my efforts, not for the sake of being better educated or more work, but to be less harmful and lessen and mitigate the harm done to Black and brown people by white supremacy and white people like me.

[Rebecca McClinton]

“I won’t ever be safe by default,” only by consistent engagement and intention. I love how you bring attention to that here. Unless the system itself were to change (which it won’t in my lifetime), the pulls will always be there, the clenches, and whooshes…therefore accountability has to always be there too.

[Shara Cody]

I want to help make things simpler for you, Lace, during these challenging times with all that’s happened/happening. One way I can do that is to financially engage without being asked which I’ve done for May. I have to put in the time every day here at LoR and in real life to lessening harm to Black and brown people by following your method and holding my own hand and I need to do this without prompts just like financial engagement. Though I’m trying to do many things I’ve been learning here at once, it always comes down to only one thing: lessening and mitigating harm to Black and brown people perpetuated by white people, including me, and white supremacy.

[Emily Holzknecht]

Crossposted: I see in myself the becoming interested in something and temporarily dedicating a lot of focus to it and then later losing interest and trailing off. That’s fine with crafts or hobbies, but if I think I’m working to lessen and mitigate harm endured by Black and brown people perpetuated by white people like me and by white supremacy and I’m doing it only as a hobby, then what I am doing is steeped in white supremacy even if it’s disguised as lessening and mitigating harm. As part of being relentlessly reliable, I have sent in my promised monthly engagement plus additional funds to lessen and mitigate harm.

[Julia Tayler]

I agree with the way you talk about “a hobby”. Relentless reliability is so important and part of that is to engage fully.

[Shara Cody]

I think Christina mentioned somewhere in a comment on another post about hero culture that becomes ingrained in us that only “big” or headline worthy or masterful is worthwhile. Wanting to do racial justice work only if it’ll make me seen and when there’s something big and then not being willing to be seen when I’m activated or when things are calm or when I won’t be acknowledged is, as you said, steeped in white supremacy. Who I am everyday is who is I am, not who I am when there’s a headline.

[Rebecca McClinton]

I have financially engaged for May and am ever thankful for this space. I was listening to some of the Tippet/Claudia Rankine podcast this week, and Claudia Rankine says, “you could die anytime. So you might as well just speak your piece before it’s rest in peace”. I thought of that when reading Lace’s words here about being “the person who I say that I want to be…with all deliberate speed”. Time is a gift, and I want to spend it wisely and in service to the people I say I stand with.

[Julia Tayler]

I have engaged for May and will analyze my budget again before the end of the month. I will engage without having to be reminded. That is part of the person I want to be. Like Clare said I want to engage with my whole authentic self that includes my finances.

[Danielle Holcombe]

So I’m recognizing that even WHILE I live out my convictions and be the person I say I’m going to be in all my spaces, living life right out loud – there are continual excavations needed in order to do that well.

When I learn something new I tend to proclaim it in a way that doesn’t draw others in. Quite the opposite, I tend towards being very loud or brash or condescending in my manner.

I think that I do it on purpose, only I’m just thinking that for the first time now, while I type. I think that I am still concerned enough with what others think that I make myself unappealing on purpose as a defense mechanism.

If I were to sincerely share with others and be vulnerable as I talk about the ways I’ve learned and changed and been growing, I have to risk that they will reject me anyway.

If I can be just the right level of condescending or in their face though, I can keep a narrative in my own mind that says “well, I tried” and I’m also protected from the rejection of others because I’ve already pre-rejected them.

I’m walking here because I can see how much work I still have to do – esp as it pertains to seeking and valuing community with others. I engage here financially with regularity and intention because that investment is necessary. *My* investment is necessary for me and for all of us. And *your* investment is necessary for me and for all of us. Our collective investment in this space, in each other, in the work we do here, and most importantly, in our North Star is necessary.

[Jen Scaggs]

Yes, there is so much more to do. Regardless of the current news cycle, there is always systemic racism to be addressed. The person I am here is who I am everywhere. I want to be the person who shows up consistently and supports LoR consistently. Going to engage financially now.

[Rhonda Freeman]

I have become consistent at engaging financially. Following the rules. But when I do it, I do it alone. I sit here in my room and hit the Paypal button. It is extremely important and I won’t stop, but when I do it, I need to be remembering the relational. Commitment to walking. Commitment to addressing the system and seeing this ‘hiding’ as a habit I need to be committed to breaking.

[Author]

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