[Laura Berwick]

https://laceonrace.com/2021/01/28/threatened-devalued-and-tokenized/

‘Threatened, devalued and tokenized’

Discussion

[Danielle Holcombe]

*cross-posted from FB

This is me. I did this – today. I am going to keep the details private for the sake of the person that I didn’t make a space safe for. But I’m sitting with the knowledge that I didn’t speak on something when I should have. And instead of speaking up to the person who said something harmful, I later related it to the person it was about. I was treating it like it was no big deal – except that it was, and is.

And now, when I do confront the say-er of the harmful words, they will wonder if this is me, or if I am being compelled to push back. They will not know (neither the one who was violent nor the one who was hurt), that *I* care to make a safe space.

I can’t reverse time and make it right 5 hours ago. But I need to admit that I am not safe. And I need to keep on doing the things I need to do going forward to become safe-ER. Safer every day.

[Laura Berwick]

One of the reasons I think I’ve gotten better at not being silent is… exactly what you say in your second paragraph @danielle-holcombe . Even if I course correct later, there will be people who will see… my passivity as apathy?… if I don’t. But… I feel like, also, I’ve positioned myself in ways that reduce my opportunities to act and speak immediately. In some ways, I’ve done well in doing so; I’ve surrounded myself with people who work hard to do better, and will keep me to that as well, so I don’t often encounter that sort of verbal or ideological or physical violence. Not even on line! And so… I’m not super practiced, and I suspect I’ll fail as much as I’ll succeed for a while still. And that will be on me. And I won’t be able to reverse time.

But it strikes me that, this is why it is so important here at Lace on Race to speak up when we see something off. Because as a community, we’re here to make and correct mistakes. In the past I know that people have felt piled onto, and people have expressed upset that they aren’t given credit for their excellent intentions (and sometimes there’s a whiff of “should be glad I’m even HERE”…). But… there’s a lot of whiteness in a space where we would so benefit from having more Black and Indigenous and people of color speaking, and if we don’t have that… as much as we say we value it… We do have to ask what about us is continuing to be unsafe instead of “safe-ish”.

I have a lot of work to do here.

[Laura Berwick]

The article doesn’t report whether the people who witnessed the abuse of their colleague spoke up at the time on what they were seeing. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe it just wasn’t mentioned. But I’m left thinking, “Well, *I* would’ve…” and this is where I have the opportunity to stop and be aware of myself. What would I do? I feel like I have a better handle on what I *should* do… But I don’t know what I *would* do, because… I haven’t yet. Either I haven’t been put in a situation requiring action because of the incredible amount of whiteness I’m cocooned in, or I’ve been in a situation where I could have acted but never even saw it… And… would I act appropriately, as a corrective, or would I swoop in as a white savior and inflict additional trauma? I guess at least I’m thinking of these things now, because they’re important things to think on as part of my commitment to lessen and mitigate the harm I and white people and white supremacy cause.

I feel so much gratitude toward a number of Black women these days. Lace for founding the space that has been instrumental to me in becoming less dangerous (and it’s always becoming… I will never be entirely safe and can’t get complacent about that). Stacey Abrams and other Black women who were instrumental in facilitating and encouraging and protecting the votes of Black communities in Georgia. Kamala Harris, whose work as Vice President I look forward to witnessing. I can speak so many words of praise.

But what are those words worth without my actions in congruence with my words? I need to act, vote, engage, contribute, in alignment with what I say I believe is right. I need to get the hell out of the way of and follow the direction of Black women. Or my words are just empty, no matter how lovely I make them.

[Leah Gallo]

This all seems egregious, particularly the town hall where they convinced her to get back on the zoom without having resolved the situation. Basically asked her to subject herself to more abuse.

What I wonder is not if I would be silent because of my white colleagues but would I be silent because I’m not certain of what my Black colleague would want? Three times in the past two weeks I’ve seen inappropriate comments on Black friend’s threads and each time I’ve checked with them privately first to see if they are ok with me commenting. I was going to say I don’t know what I would do in person. Because everything hinges on the relational and in a moment of duress there’s no time to have someone step aside and ask ‘do you want me to say something?’ But then I realised: it hinges on the relational and in this situation it’s a colleague who one would assume you have some sort of relationship with. So could it perhaps be a talk before anything happens? A ‘hey, if I see some funky stuff go down, would you be ok with me saying something?’ Because we all know funky stuff WILL go down. Or just understand your colleague enough to catch cues. The point is to be prepared with the North Star in mind. To understand my default during uncertainty is silence and generally that only protects white supremacy and those who are oppressing. It is clear to me that I must continue work here reliably enough that I am better and quicker able to act in a way that is not white saviour-y but rather eye to eye and in service to mitigating and lessening the harm endured by Black and Brown people perpetuated by white people (like me) and white supremacy.

[Rhonda Freeman]

My understanding is that speaking up must take into account the context of the specific situation in order to avoid causing more harm to the black or brown person being harmed. Will my speaking up in the moment put them at more risk? Now or later? If, yes, I am responsible for finding a different time/place to address. And even so, addressing, may not help in the moment. Right now, I have a situation at work where I feel pretty confident that addressing what was being said in the moment would have only caused more harm. Addressing it afterwards, I learned just exactly how strongly this person person is mired in their white supremacy mindset and their confusion with intent vs. impact. Now, I need to consider how to address in the long term, slowly, steadily looking for ways to mitigate harm to brown and black people in the organization knowing, without a doubt, this person’s current perspective.

[Emily Holzknecht]

It seems to me that asking her to come back on the zoom call without having first kicked out the racist offenders who had been harassing her shows that they did not think of her as a person. They thought of her as a lesson and a token.

[Rebecca McClinton]

I have participated in making spaces uncomfortable for BIPOC, and must see myself eye to eye in acknowledging my responsibility for that AND for doing better. I struggle with making things increasingly awkward after acknowledging my error and making it uncomfortable to that end for the person I caused harm every time I bump into them. I know that’s a signal that I’m not doing a good job holding my own hand and sloshing in those moments.

This makes me think about the quote that talks about how it wasn’t the final blow that broke the stone but all the blows that came before. There is so much complied racial pain, trauma and grief for Black and brown people that’s it’s my responsibility to change and mend.

I’m also thinking of previous comments Lace has made about the feudal relationship white people in social services have with the system. She compared it “like worker bees for the queen,” and how all too often before engaging in the work they don’t do the work on themselves. This stands as example of that, and how As Dr, Simmons said, “You can’t be emotionally intelligent without being culturally responsive.” If I’m not culturally responsive (verb!) I’m not emotionally intelligent.

(cross posted to facebook)

[Christina Sonas]

What you say repeat about blows to the stone is a strong reminder to me that this is about my daily living and what I do in service to Black and brown people every single day. There is no single blow that I can impede and call it a success.

[Deleted User]

I’ve been thinking about this, this absolute need to speak up in the moment that harm is being done, not to wait for a more opportune — which means a more comfortable, safer for me–time to engage, though I might dress it up as virtuous rather than cowardly.

I do commit to that and to initiating repair as soon as I am aware I have not acted in congruity with my stated beliefs/intentions or discover my believe/intention is wrong.

I’ve also been thinking about the modifier ‘highly qualified’ ahead of ‘Black woman’ in the opening sentence of Radha Lath’s commentary. I’m thinking it was included because the author well knows without it the go-to place for we dear white readers is to immediately doubt that it is exactly as this highly qualified Black woman says it is. Not something she imagined, not some deficiencies in her work and ability that accounted for being erased and talked over—which would still be incredibly rude–but time is a much too limited and valuable commodity to use up listening to a less/unqualified team member. No, there is no alternative explanation that needs to be discovered by us, suggested to the community by us, right?

But that is our go-to and without the modifier we would do exactly the thing Radha Lath is writing about: we would talk over her, a ‘highly qualified’ Southeast Asian woman, to assert our alternative narratives that might make what happened to this Black woman understandable, more palatable. We might explain the zoom interlopers too–so unfortunate, but really the organization isn’t to blame for that, right? Benefit of the doubt, right? She was overreacting, right?

Nope.

And the words ‘highly qualified’ serve to stop those thoughts right in their tracks.

They shout ‘listen’. They shout ‘believe’. They shout ‘lean in.’

They counteract all of that–or at least keep us from typing it out–when really? No Black woman, no matter her qualifications, should have to endure this work environment and such tepid support.

Without the qualifier? Our tendency is to quickly spiral downward into the tenets of whiteness, and its defenses and rationalizations for the ill-treatment of Black/nonBlack people of color.

[Clare Steward]

Cross posted from Fb

As is often the case, Dr. Simmons had to speak up so that abuse could be brought to light in an effort to protect other BIPOC. Black and Brown people are the ones who risk the most when they speak up, they have the most to lose. Others admitted to seeing the constant abuse and said nothing…..it is incredible that nothing was said or done until it was a huge overt occurrence of abuse. Dr Simmons is quoted in the article saying “I often tell my colleagues that you can’t be emotionally intelligent without being culturally responsive,” which reminds me of how Lace warns against being a well read racist. If I claim to be aware and empathetic and an “ally” but I do nothing when Black and Brown people are suffering from abuse, I am part of the abuse. It is absolutely disgusting that not only did no one speak up as Dr Simmons faced constant, ongoing abuse, but people also encouraged her to return to a zoom call where she was attacked. She should have been protected immediately not asked to return and what….be strong while facing an onslaught of violence? Would a white person ever be asked to do the same thing?

I must make sure that I am vigilant in not only examining my own behaviors but also being aware of abuse happening throughout all of my interactions and say something/do something. When I am confronted for harmful behavior, I have to do more than apologize, I must correct my behaviors and move to repair. Dr Simmons said she appreciated apology but wanted ACTION. There is no room for ignoring what I know is true and exists- our behaviors/actions/systems/patterns are built on white supremacy and power. Companies launch campaigns for inclusive environments but don’t foster them…it is done for the optics. I am no better if I say all the right things but do all the wrong things when racism rears it’s ugly head….and there are always plenty of opportunities for me to act to be safer for Black and Brown people.

[Emily Holzknecht]

I am thinking that the university department may be well read specifically about white theorists of emotional intelligence and perhaps not well read on anti-racism at all, so maybe even less informed than the well-read racists we are usually talking about at LOR. I can imagine that being a recognized “expert” in emotional intelligence could be very supremacist indeed.

[Christina Sonas]

While I don’t know of a specific incident in my life, I know I have all the white training that would make me do this: being nice, not causing trouble, etc. And, referring to “a specific incident”, the honest truth is that if one had happened, I probably wouldn’t remember it unless I had been called in for it, because the behavior wouldn’t be traumatic for me as it would be for the Black or brown woman involved.

I’m thinking about DuBois’s educational strategy and “the exceptional Negro” trope, whereby individual hard work is done to prove to white people that Black and brown people are equal and equally capable human beings. This professor is I hope past the era where her striving and her achievements would have been made for that reason. Or is she? Regardless, there is no line of success that Black and brown people can cross in order to leave behind white supremacy, because tokenism is white supremacy.

Regarding how and when to speak up, I completely agree that the relational is imperative. As a white person, I am more likely to have a stronger relationship with the white person (people) in the room than the Black or brown person being harmed; and that means I won’t have much in the way of relational guidance for my actions. I am resolved to look the person of color eye-to-eye and say, “With your permission, might I say something about this?” Silent inaction is complicity.

[Emily Holzknecht]

*crossposted*

Saying gushy things about Black women is self-serving if I won’t speak up for them in the face of active racist spite. Speaking up with relentless reliability serves the North Star. White women like me are so used to going out of our way to bend and reframe everything to fool ourselves into feeling better about ourselves that we expect that nonwhite people will be fooled too. We forget they know us better than we know ourselves, that they have to. I have a lot of unpacking and active unlearning to do. I do not want to thrive at the expense of Black women. I do not want to thrive at the expense of anyone. Black women are not expendable.

I have not thought to ask the BIPOC I know if they have exited spaces because I didn’t make it safe for them to be there. That question reminds me of a story that Padraig OTuama told in the interview in the pinned posts about when the man asked the room how many times in the last hour the queer people in the room had felt harmed by what he had said and then listened to understand and to do better rather than to defend himself or blow up, shut down or run away. I do know that I used to be part of a mamas facebook group where periodically one of several topics would come up and people would be harmful to Black and brown folks and/or queer folks and then a bunch of people would leave the community, both people leaving because the space was not safe for them and people leaving because they were being harmful and were confronted about it and blew up then ran away. It was not a safe or safeish space and while I can name times when I was trying to speak up for others in the face of active racist and/or homophobic/transphobic spite, I had not done the unpacking necessary to be a safe person and while I cannot name those times, I most likely also contributed to that not being a safe space for Black and brown people and contributed to the death by a thousand sugar-coated knives in some capacity. Back then if I had been told I was partly responsible, I would have declared and defended my noble intentions. Now that I am walking with LOR and have been for some time, I think that there is a greater chance that I would listen to understand and work to repair and to change. It is not a hundred percent certainty yet though. I need to keep working until it is.

[Robin Van Haste]

This is a reminder to me that I should not assume that my workplace is safe for everyone. I need to be aware of my own behavior, and I need to be alert to how others are treated. My company has great non-discrimination policies, but that is on paper. If I see something, I shouldn’t assume that it happened “just this once”. I must assume that it has happened many times, and I must speak up.

[Shara Cody]

@robinvh Your making the connection to your own workplace and how policies on paper don’t necessarily mean in practice/action can be applied to all workplaces no matter the level or depth of what is stated on paper. Staying alert to how BIPOC are treated and speaking up even for subtle things is a take away for me too.

[Shara Cody]

This has me thinking hard about protecting Black and brown people from racist attacks like during the Zoom meeting, from bodily attacks like hair touching, and from professional attacks like talking over or dismissing ideas. Before coming to Lace on Race I might have only focused on the Zoom meeting racist attack in this story but now I see how not protecting from the other attacks creates and maintains the conditions for continued racism and the Zoom meeting attack. I need to be actively watching for racist actions no matter how subtle to stand up and speak against them.

[Deleted User]

I’ve barely had experience of working with black and brown people so have no real first hand experience of making unsafe places however having spent more time in communities like LOR I understand more the various overt and covert aggressions that take place and so feel much better equipped to identify and call them out.

.

I do think that to be silent is to be violent and would rather risk being called in by a black and brown colleague for overstepping to defend them than I would them walk away from a situation feeling harmed and unsupported.

[Author]

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