[Lace Watkins]

https://laceonrace.com/2021/04/20/expediency-and-efficiency-are-we-asking-the-right-questions/

‘Expediency’ and ‘Efficiency’ – Are We Asking the Right Questions?

Discussion

[Marlise Flores]

I am reminded how I all too often approach discussions or thinking about anti-racism…..getting it “right” (aka clean and fast and distanced) instead of getting it relational. Instead of getting it thorough. Me focused end result. Which, on occasion, might be accurate but rarely making others whole. Once again, I move transactionally, trying to anticipate moves of others instead of eager to engage in depth and eye to eye living. Which leaves any “reconciliation” on the re-peat because I have left conciliation out. Like a paper wafer chip at communion, there is only a stale whiff of what should be a solid vow and commitment. And I make my absolution a monthly ritual resolved by a thin, dissolvable imitation for the real deal. Everything Lace urges us against. Anti racism isn’t “in memory of”….it is daily walking and action.

[Rebecca McClinton]

“getting it ‘right’ (aka clean and fast and distanced) instead of getting it relational”. I’ve written that down to return to again because I can certainly find myself in that. How did I get to valuing outcomes and speed so much. It harms me, and harms those around me, especially in my relationships with people of color. It also makes me pause and consider how yet again I too easily assign binary words like “right” to attributes that are far from it.

[Jen Scaggs]

Yes, I also find myself trapped in this need to get it “right,” but this is putting the focus on me. I agree, it is more important to be thorough and to be relational, even if it takes many attempts and missteps along the way.

[Emily Holzknecht]

The part about “getting it relational” and “getting it thorough” is really going to stick with me. I’ve already referenced it in my comment on another post and I know it’s going to keep coming up for me again and again. Thank you

[Julia Tayler]

Yes I’m always trying to get it right too. I also think that my worries about sticking my foot in my mouth inhibits my listening skills. I’m glad you pointed this out.

[Shara Cody]

I can definitely locate myself in getting it right and dispatching it as quickly as possible. I’ve avoided asking questions of others to try to understand where they’re coming from and instead have made a statement (not relational at all) as a response which was really a closing statement. Just as Lace describes that the speedy trial was in service to Chauvin and the police dept, my rushing or avoiding eye to eye discussion is for my comfort as a white person and not in service to our North Star. I’m participating in the relapse and rejection of what could be discovered and learned just like the trial and therefore I’m causing harm. The first question is always: is this in service to the North Star of lessening harm to BIPOC? And that will hopefully lead to more questions and seeing eye to eye instead of hurrying, hiding, and focusing on the losing strategy of “being right”.

[Dee (Dalina) Weinfurtner]

There was some really good conversational nuggets in this. You pointed out that it’s important to ask questions instead of just responding with a statement as well as recognizing if it’s about being right or a greater intention which is the North Star. The thing is that conversations is so important for the relational and you really can’t build relational ethics without strong communication skills. And relationships is really the driving force towards the North Star. I have actually heard this echoed in a few other spaces lately, building eye to eye relationships with Black and Brown people is such a huge part of true anti-racism work. So maybe those in power are wanting this quick resolve and move on thing to happen but we know that is not what is going to happen here at LoR and I am so grateful.

[Shara Cody]

@deewcares when I reflect on conversations or situations where I fell short of our North Star (thinking mostly of the ones I failed to get in the car), I almost always end up feeling like asking a question would have been something I could have done to engage the other person and prevent my own sabotage of trying to say the perfect thing immediately. So while I do think questions can be a good way with other white people, questions could cause more harm if there is a POC present or the answer to the questions could at least.

[Shara Cody]

Adding to my initial comment that another responsibility of mine is to demand that the policing system be changed. Now that I see that rushing through the Chauvin trial and delivery of the guilty verdict is meant to make us white people go back to being complacent, I have to make my voice louder about changing the system instead of being lulled back to sleep.

[Rebecca McClinton]

(cross posted/facebook) Thanks to Shara’s comment above I’m personalizing more and looking for ways I see this inside of me…where I narrow focus, or over simplify to skirt responsibility. I can find that behavior in myself more than I like to admit. it goes back to that check-boxing mentality…’adressed it, check!’ and by doing that I can avoid looking at the fuller, more expansive picture of all the elements that contributed to that and my part in it. Not only do I need to be asking ‘who’s not a part of this conversation’, but ‘what am I speeding through trying to avoid?’

[Christina Sonas]

I can’t ever forget that, for USAn systems and processes, “getting it right” will always have the unspoken “for wh people and wh supremacy”. Which means… for me. With this conclusion [to the trial], I have been shown that law enforcement violence will be punished (if it is extreme, if it is fully recorded); the system assures me that I can step back from any concerns about the system. Had the process been more lengthy, more complex, more exposing, the system would run the greater risk that my concerns, other wh people’s concerns, might root too deeply into what inner humanity we have left and turn into questions, or worse, activism.

I have been lulled by the system many, many times during my life. This time, I’m staying alert, and working to keep others alert, too.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Christina Sonas.

[Emily Holzknecht]

The system lulls us because it’s what we’re used to. it’s what we expect. Significant efforts were put in after George Floyd’s murder to alert us that all was not as it should be even though it was what we are used to. It was those efforts that were not what we were used to. We need to take on the responsibility of keeping up efforts that alert others to all not being as it should be even if it’s what we’re used to, otherwise lulling.

[Rhonda Freeman]

Systemic lulling. Yes, an appropriate verdict, but how many of us will be lulled by it? How many of us will brush our hands off and say ‘well, that’s that!’ another racism problem solved! I am committed to responding to everyone who is joyful about the verdict to take the time to say ‘Yes, and it came at the cost of a man’s life’. ‘Yes, and there is still killing going on’. ‘Yes, and what about the system?’

[Christina Sonas]

Yes – we’re used to it, we expect it, we’re addicted to it, we seek it.

[Deleted User]

“So this expediency is to hasten not healing for the Floyd family, but to hurtle us ( ‘us’ meaning, for the most part, the white populace of Minneapolis, and by extension, the white cohort of America as a whole) past an authentic and durable reckoning and processing of what happened.”
This is what I was reading from my white friends on Facebook. “Let the healing begin”. So much discomfort with this ugliness. So much rushing to “get past it”.

This reckoning is far from over. This is a drop into the ocean of white supremacy, privlege, police brutality…institutionalized racism. I flinch also. I recoil. I get nauseous with guilt, anger, shame, and grief. But those emotions, while natural, are not where I want the bulk of my energy and agency to go. This is not about what I feel. My feelings are not at issue here. Yes, I have to process them…feel it, acknowledge them, process them and LET THAT SH#T GO…let it flow away so it doesn’t get in the way of the work.
What is the work? De-fanging the police. Abolishing policing, if necessary. Re-inventing or reimagining how we intervene in a crisis. Understanding that there need not even be a crisis for a Black person to detained, questioned in short, – HARASSED- arrested, or worst killed. This has been going on since slave patrols.

The George Floyd Justice in Policing Act must be passed. The Edmund Pettis bridge must be renamed John Lewis Bridge. We need to get into Good Trouble, which, Bless His Memory, John Lewis showed all of us how to live this praxis. We are exhorted to carry on this work. To stop the unjust, appalling senseless racism that is killing BIPOC people and permeates our nations, societies…our entire planet. We have work to do. I NEED TO STOP RUSHING AWAY. This is time for closure in a minute area of healing, for George Floyd’s family.
For myself, I need to get my walking boots on. I have a long way to go and a lot of work to do. This isn’t the end of it. This is one step in on a path myself and others are on for the rest of our lives. There is no finish line.

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[Dee (Dalina) Weinfurtner]

Oh, I love the way you talk about just letting it go and getting back to the work. This is so important for meaningful change. I am just barely learning to recognize and work through my emotions and feelings but I hope to practice enough and be able to get to the point that I can process it really quick and then move on. I still have to fight the thoughts like “Im not great at this now so why bother or I will never be” but that is simply not true, I have to keep working on it and it will all start to accumulate and get better.

[Shara Cody]

@Beckitabj I also appreciate the reminder to process my own emotions and let them go or in many cases root them out because they are supremacist, but that me and my emotions aren’t the focus.

You mentioned that you need to stop rushing away. What for you personally are you wanting to stop rushing in this work? For me I’m still rushing many conversations where I should be securely belted in the car ready for as long of a drive as it takes.

[Deleted User]

Shara Thank you for reaching out to me and asking.

I rush away from the pain and injustice of it all. When I try to imagine what it might be like to live in this time and life as a Black or Brown person, I feel a whole raft of deeply uncomfortable feelings – pain and overwhelm, bitterness, anger, and if the feelings get too strong, numb hopelessness. Those are projections, since those feelings are imagined, not experienced. How would I ever get comfortable as a Black skinned human being in a world of white supremacy? Could I thrive? How would I cope? What would the toll of the weight of the system be on me?

<font face=”inherit”>This is what I rush away from. This is what I want to get past. The pain, and injustice I </font>know is happening and I feel so small and ineffective in the face of it. I imagine the hurt and damage and I get undone by it. Not helpful or useful, but disabling. Being a super feeler, an empath is only useful up to a point, after that point, it renders an empath useless.

[Shara Cody]

Thank you for sharing what you’re rushing, Rebecca. It feels like this ties into what you and I were sharing in the “Courage above fear” post about the habit of shouldering or imagining another’s situation and pain. When I spend too much time and energy imagining what it’s like to be a Black or brown person, I’m centering myself rather than listening and seeing them eye to eye and taking whatever actions I can to lessen the harm. So I have to stop myself from spending time in this imagining cause it’s harmful to Black and brown people. Reflecting on the actions I can take to lessen harm to BIPOC and then taking those actions consistently is where I’m trying to spend my time without rushing.

[Dee (Dalina) Weinfurtner]

White America has proven over and over that looking back and assessing the bigger picture is not something well valued. I see how there is constantly a brushing over the things we have actually admitted was wrong but there isn’t a real effort to see the why and then there is covering up other parts to the story that is still extended into today. I just see this exact pattern with this case. I am happy that it was a guilty verdict, it was uncertain in my mind because it could have just as easily gone “not guilty” with whatever excuse and gaslighting to move on, however, I definitely see how the guilty verdict can also be used as a white supremacist tool. The momentum for racial justice George Floyd’s death caused most certainly does not end here. I am becoming stronger in my personal ability to face the difficult things about myself and my story and feel through them. Facing my shadow and my negative self has always been extremely difficult for me but I am learning and the more I can learn to do it for myself the more this extends out to the world. The reality is there are many in power wanting this to be a conclusion to the story and a band-aid so they can continue in this system with their power. This would be all too easy and comfortable to do but every day I am reminded of why I am doing this work. Black and Brown people deserve to have their humanity fully recognized and celebrated and this system is still resisting that. A guilty verdict is something but I have to not let them use this to move fast past this but instead to keep it going, to use this as a catalyst for not only more accountability for Law Enforcement but also more valued humanity for Black and Brown people.

[Rhonda Freeman]

I appreciate all of these comments. I have been sitting for a few days with what my gut has been feeling about this verdict. I am having the same physical feeling that I did in elementary school when it seemed like a teacher was punishing someone in order to get everyone to simmer down. It never solved the problem. It never addressed the underlying problem. This verdict, while ‘something’, is not addressing the underlying harm.

[Rebecca McClinton]

In reading your comment I was thinking how this example set on a world stage encourages others to approach individual relationships or repair processes with people of color in the same awful way…call someone out, but don’t encourage them to make the internal changes to make that change durable. It also keeps the focus on one person instead of the way the whole community needs to work together to create change that lasts.

[Jen Scaggs]

Justice was served but we cannot let that distract us from he work we still have to accomplish. I can see how the swiftness was used to avoid more microscopic examination of Chauvin and the MPD which would threaten the white supremacist policies supporting the comfortable status quo for white Americans. We must continue to discuss, ask questions, and raise expectations.

[Julia Tayler]

I agree – we need to continue to discuss, ask questions and raise expectations. Most often these trials don’t end this way. I can already hear white people saying “see the police don’t always get off”. Oof

[Emily Holzknecht]

A purpose of the court system that I learned in school that isn’t mentioned specifically in the post is to protect other people, so healing for Floyd’s family, but George Floyd himself cannot be protected from Chauvin anymore. It’s too late for that. But if Chauvin got an innocent verdict and went back to being a police officer, other people like George Floyd would be in danger. This does not relate to the efficiency and expediency for MN though because even if this had taken much longer to go to trial, my understanding is that Chauvin would still not be working as a police officer during that time, so other people would be protected from his policing either way. So again if I were orienting my understanding of the situation around this purpose of the courts I learned in school (in addition to the healing for the Floyd family reason), I would need to ask better questions about why the trial came about so much more quickly than one would expect.

Before reading this post I think I would have said that the MN government wants to end the unrest in the quickest, simplest way possible. Which is true, but the better question is why? It’s easy to say it’s just their job to do that, but again why? We live in a white supremacist country. Things are set up to benefit white supremacy, so unrest exists to try to dismantle white supremacy. Ending this unrest is about preserving the white supremacist system.

[Deleted User]

Good morning, Dee

It’s heartening to know some of what I share is useful and relatable for others. I was pondering your comment,

I still have to fight the thoughts like “Im not great at this now so why bother or I will never be” but that is simply not true, I have to keep working on it and it will all start to accumulate and get better.

Processing our feelings is not something dominant white supremacist culture teaches or encourages. We’re not bad at it; we’re not used to doing it. It’s particularly difficult to practice processing the complicated emotions of pain, grief, anger, shame and guilt. Those emotions are full of discomfort. I think of this kind of practice as “growing pains”. There is struggle when we deal with those emotions. The more we do it with patience, self-soothing, are gentle land loving with ourselves as we experience those harder feelings, the more we can place them in the scheme of all our emotions, instead of them becoming the lens, or filter we view everything through. It’s a continuous process, understanding our emotions. We are emotional creatures.

[Rhonda Freeman]

Rebecca, your post about the challenge for white people to process their emotions gives me pause and reminds me to pivot to race. Reminds me to focus on the North Star. How often do I expect black and brown people to ‘handle’ my emotions? to ‘handle’ my white tears and my discomfort as I practice my anti-racism? How much additional harm do I cause as I learn and attempt to mitigate harm. Yes, it is extremely uncomfortable to face this. And, yet, I must. I must be willing to understand that I will cause harm and when I become aware of that harm I am responsible for the impact of that harm and taking responsibility for that harm.

[Christina Sonas]

Thank you for highlighting that part of Dee’s comment. I would go further and say that wh supremacy actively nurtures that kind of thinking in us: the idea that big is what matters, that mastery is what matters, and that anyone who isn’t at that level needs to stay home. This is fundamental to hero and celebrity culture: we don’t play sports, we watch; we don’t make music, we listen; etc. If I’m having an intuitive thought, it’s almost always going to be bearing the imprint of my wh supremacy; so *all* my intuitions need to be questioned.

[Deleted User]

Dear Rhonda, and LoR community,

I’m puzzling over a question you posed in your comment above, “How often do I expect black and brown people to ‘handle’ my emotions to ‘handle’ my white tears and my discomfort as I practice my anti-racism?”

I ask you, (and the community), what exactly are “white tears”? I’ve heard this expression before, but still don’t know it’s meaning. Humans of all ages & races experience discomfort. As soon as I typed that, I sensed this interpretation is way too concrete. No one is saying crying is bad or harmful, in and of itself.

<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Is my struggle</font><font><font face=”inherit”> harmful to people of color? I hope no one is rolling their </font>eyes<font face=”inherit”> at this question, though I could understand why you might. I may sound ignorant, unaware, or naive.</font></font> If I speak of hard emotions, when practicing new things, in new ways, what kinds of harm am I causing? I’m unlearning white supremacy, privilege and ingrained racism. The process has evoked different feelings in me, at different times: awkward, guilty, challenging, frustrating, painful, etc.

<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>If I weaponize those emotions, </font>I<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> can see how that can be very damaging. Abuse, blame, misdirected rage, can wound badly. I absolutely know that. I must not work out my pain, at the expense of others. </font><font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>If I were to </font>unleash my discomfort, as emotional, physical, or verbal abuse at/on someone else, that is<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> an assault! </font>

Is “white tears” referring to the consideration that, Black and Brown people should not have to comfort, hold space for, placate, soothe white people, while they struggle? Is there some kind of collective white person expectation that Black folks have to take care of white folks?Perhaps, white tears refers to the idea that our negative, or difficult emotions create a burden for others, i.e. white folks working out their unconscious struggles or dysfunction with, or at, Black and Brown folks? I know words are powerful and can wound or nurture, uplift or tear down.

<font face=”inherit”>Maybe all this is explained in the Relational Ethics series. I’m about to dive into that. It may help me understand. I imagine those that have been walking here for many months, or years, have thoughts about this. I will prepare to be </font>enlightened, as to<font face=”inherit”> what I’m missing. </font>

If my posting, itself, has harmed anyone, I humbly apologize. I’m open to feedback and course correction. I want learn from my mistake, work to make it right, and not do it again, going forward.

[Rhonda Freeman]

I can get really specific. I was talking to a black healthcare provider about being part of the Johnson and Johnson two dose trial. I have gotten paid to be part of this trial! She got very excited and asked for more information. I told her how easy it is to sign up and she asked me where the location was. I told her it was ‘just around the beltway’ only ’30 minutes’ away. She got very quiet and said ‘oh, that’s actually a long way and there isn’t any public transport’. I felt extremely uncomfortable – realizing I had not taken the realities of the black and brown communities she serves into account. Not even thinking about my white privilege. Classic micro-aggression. Then, in my discomfort, I began to apologize profusely – putting her in the position to decide to make me feel better! That’s an example of what I mean. I wasn’t disagreeing with what you were sharing, simply adding to it from my perspective and the North Star. It is one of the invitations of this space – to engage even if something has already been said. Say it again in your own way.

[Deleted User]

Dear Rhonda,

Ah, this is a poignant illustration. My social worker “flex” would be to immediately start trying to figure out how to hook up Johnson and Johnson with this person’s local neighborhood. Then I’d probably offer her a ride over there (of course I’m retired and have time -it’s part of my privilege to be able to have a car, a retirement, and time to help). Easy to sign up, for a WW, easy to get over there for a WW, easy to picked for a study population for a WW. And, Yes, I can see how the furtive apologizing could create a “take care of me, I feel badly” scenario. Thanks for helping me to see and understand.

[Deleted User]

ARGH! ? Why do all these strange formatting hieroglyphics keep showing up in my posts?!

<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> shows up all over the place and I have no idea why.

Do others see this? Or only me? What am I doing to cause this garbledeegook to appear, and how do I make it go away! Oy Vey.

[Christina Sonas]

I asked our webmaster to look into it, but it won’t be a very high priority 🙂

[Laura Berwick]

Webmaster here 🙂

Let me send you an email with some questions so we can try to diagnose this. You’ll see it coming from laceonrace@gmail.com.

[Julia Tayler]

Although it was the right verdict there’s still so much more that has to be done. So many white officers have gotten off that the victory seems small. I’m sure it feels even smaller to black and brown people. I hadn’t thought about the speedy trial. Especially in 2020. People who can’t make bail have been sitting in jail for a long time. All kinds of cases are backed up. Minnesota needed it to be done. So much more work to be done.

[Author]

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