[Christin Spoolstra]

Moving this discussion from the takeout window per Lace’s request. I cannot figure out how to attach an image here, so I’ll write out the text of the OP.

Lace’s commentary on top: Let’s pivot to the work we do here. This is both of encouragement and an exhortation.

OP: It doesn’t matter who you used to be; what matters is who you decide to be today. You are not your mistakes. You are not your mishaps. You are not your past. You are not your wounds. You can decide differently today and at every moment. Please remember that. You are offered a new opportunity with each breath to think, choose, decide and act in a way that supports you in being all that you are capable of being. You are not less than. You are enough. credit: Alysha Waghorn @girlandhermagic

Discussion

[Christin Spoolstra]

here’s the conversation Lace and I were having:

Christin: Hmm… and both/and maybe? Because it does still matter who I used to be because the pain and hurt that I caused yesterday doesn’t go away today. Who I am deciding today needs that decision day after today because repair work is lengthy. That said, every day I’m asking myself if I’m being who I say I want to be. Every day isn’t a fresh start but it is the next step in a long walk and it matters where I step.

Lace: there it is. Being informed by the past, but choosing not to be driven by it.

Christin: informed and maybe also accepting/integrating. Thinking about relationships and people who may not be interested in repairing with me. I am not the victim in that.

Lace: want to go a little deeper? I’m going to leave the house for a minute but this is going to be on my mind. I think it’s a conversation that could go to Chef’s Table. Because it’s been a part of our lives here in this community and also in our individual and Collective lives as well. Doing the work when the other person or group does not want to repair with you. What are all the gation. And also how can we be compassionate with ourselves during this process.

Christin: I’ve also been thinking about it on a collective level. That I am both an individual as well as a member of a community, and extremely harmful community. And it’s ok for bipoc to see me in that aggregate and that doesn’t change my walk.

[Vicki van den Eikhof]

[Cross-posted from FB]: Thinking about how I must do the work, regardless of wether or not anyone else joins me or validates me for it….

We all get to self-define. But it’s way harder than we like to admit. I can’t live a life of integrity if I don’t know who I am, or who I *want* to be. Everything starts there. How do I find out who I am? I need other people to help me see. That creates some kind of messiness. I need others to help me see myself more clearly, but they are also blind at the same time, just like I am. So, personally, I also depend on a higher power to give me a larger sense of who I am/should be-individually, and in community. When the messiness makes it hard to see clearly, I must choose to do the work in such a way that it is in alignment with what I know about myself currently, and who I want to be. Sometimes I get it wrong, because I “see through a glass, darkly” so often, but if I am acting from my best understanding of who I want to be, and who I actually am, I can rest assured I have acted with integrity. And when I realize I got it wrong, I can act with integrity again to repair. It’s a constant challenge that I just wouldn’t have if I lived alone in the woods.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Vicki van den Eikhof.

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