Claire Ramsey here.
In the last week or so I’ve read the posts and comments on Lace on Race with a stomach ache of nerves and a tangle of irritation in my reader’s mind. Comments to Lace about how Facebook works shoot acid into my stomach. Explanations of what offends “me” or what I will or won’t accept (someone stepping over my boundaries, for example) make me want to slap people. My mind asks “What? This is what white women want to talk about? We are doomed.”
Lace on Race looks like two highways – The Highway of Negotiation about How to Participate in Lace on Race and The Highway of Serious Content and Engagement – and they aren’t even going in the same direction.
The first highway is clogged with traffic. It takes five hours go to 15 miles, and all the way I am praying for a bathroom. The cars and trucks haul endless self-centered bullshit about what I am offended by, what I am willing to tolerate, how I prefer to do things, so here’s a few suggestions, and here is what I know about how FB works, just FYI. I’m only trying to help. It is the essence of “I decide the rules of engagement here.” Gridlock.
The second highway is clear of traffic. If I wanted to I could speed along, many rest areas en route, sweeping inspiring views, and lots of good although very chewy and crunchy Relational Ethics 3-course meals to challenge me. No stomach acid. Instead delicious soul-satisfying challenges to engage with.
The Highway of Serious Content and Engagement is smooth running. I want to stay in the car and have riders like Claudia Rankine and Lace and Marlise and Teju Cole. Conversation. Stuff I can learn. Questions to ask. Challenging ideas for future thinking. Someone who understands my yearning for inner change and hope. Rest stops w/espresso drinks! Homemade oatmeal and raisin cookies!
The Highway of Negotiation is old and worn. I want to get out of the car. No one wants to ride with me on that road. The bridges are out. No rest areas. Junk food. We will never get where we want to go by sticking to that highway. I know that it’s not possible or practical to completely close it because most new drivers are cautious and want to go that way. All that loud self-involved negotiation. I had not realized before how much we white women depend on all that negotiation to maneuver. And how effective it is for blocking engagement, thinking, discomfort, challenges.
All of this to say that I can make a choice. Negotiate if I absolutely must negotiate, but keep it minimal. Just about anything I need to know about engaging w/Lace on Race is already posted in the pinned posts. I am not special, with special needs. Someone else already worried about it and posted about it. Or, Lace herself made a clear statement of expectations. Read that stuff first.
Then, I can find the first exit, and turn down the Highway of Serious Content and Engagement.
That’s why I am here.