What we are doing here at Lace on Race is we are learning the skills that will heal ourselves, heal our relationships, turbocharge our praxis, and ultimately change the very fiber of the world we share.
Do not minimize your growth, do not truncate it by scrolling and rolling,
Labcoats on.
from Mia Mingus
March 8, 2019
When i talk about the skills needed for transformative justice, i am not only talking about knowing how to run an intervention, or being competent in your knowledge of sexual and domestic violence, or having read and studied writings (and other media) about TJ. All of these things are important.
But just as, if not more, important are skills such as: being able to identify when you’re in or orienting from a trauma response; maintaining compassion and humanity for yourself and others; self reflection; being able to give and receive challenging feedback; active listening and accountable sharing; proactively and directly addressing conflict *in your own life* instead of letting it fester or escalate; being able to practice generative conflict, apologizing well, and repairing trust when it has been broken; a consistent practice of self care and healing; how to ask for help; knowing when and how to be tender and soft, and when and how to be direct and firm—in accountable and useful ways.
All of these are much easier said than done and they do not happen over night. They must be practiced until they become habit. Until they become muscle memory. Until we have practiced them so much, that they become things we don’t even have to think about anymore. 
Thank you [@]hannahmcmorris (on IG) for naming the need for context. This quote is from Lorde’s essay, “Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred, and Anger,” from her book, Sister Outsider, where she is specifically speaking abt Black women. I encourage everyone, who hasn’t already, to read Sister Outsider.
Here is more: “We have to consciously study how to be tender with each other until it becomes a habit because what was native has been stolen from us, the love of Black women for each other.
“But we can practice being gentle with each other by being gentle with that piece of ourselves that is hardest to hold, by giving more to the brave bruised girlchild within each of us, by expecting a little less from her efforts to excel. We can love her in the light as well as in the darkness, quiet her frenzy toward perfection and encourage her attentions toward fulfilment.
“As we arm ourselves with ourselves and each other, we can stand toe to toe inside that rigorous loving and begin to speak the impossible – or what has always seemed like the impossible – to one another. The first step toward genuine change.
“Eventually, if we speak the truth to each other, it will become unavoidable to ourselves.“ -Audre Lorde
[image of a quote from Audre Lorde that reads, “we have to consciously study how to be tender with each other until it becomes a habit.”]