I feel like maybe this is a good opportunity for me to tease out some of the things I’ve been thinking since the first “cult leader” accusation started flying around. Why the heck do people keep saying this about cultishness? If you truly think it’s a cult, why are you here? Or are you worried that it might LOOK like a cult… to your friends? And you want Lace to do something different so that it LOOKS better, safer, more comfortable for you, or them? (And by “you” I mean all of us.) Here are some things I’ve broken down:

SHARED ETHOS, HUH? Is this what makes you think this looks like a cult? That we’re agreeing, when we’re here, to adhere to a shared ethos, otherwise known as a set of guidelines? Would it feel better to us white women if Lace let us pursue racial equity however we wanted? Why do we have to agree to do it her way? Well, because we’re here, following the leadership of a Black woman, and I feel I’m personally proof that it bears fruit to do things her way and not my way. My way didn’t work. As for our “North Star” of lessening and mitigating the harm endured by Black and brown people perpetuated by white people and white supremacy… if you aren’t bought into that, it really does beg the question, why be here. Kind candor and the rest are instructional methods in learning to focus on this goal that I have to believe we all here agree is THE worthy goal of our racial equity work.

THOSE REPEATED CATCH PHRASES, OMG… those, that’s what makes us sound cultish! Y’all all say the same things over and over! Well, many, many groups use short hand phrases to refer to larger ideas. In a moment of activation, I can think “North Star” more quickly and clearly than the longer phrase it stands for. It gives me a focus during stress, when I may be tempted to slosh/lash out, and weaponize my whiteness, or hide behind it. That’s why we have our phrases, and why we repeat them so much. That repetition of our “catch phrases” and our repetition of “have you read the guidelines,” and all the other repetitions we might see here, in content and sentiment and challenge, why do we do that? Is it cult-like? Well, how important is it for a child learning to play piano to master the fundamentals? To play scales over and over and over again? Master musicians continue to practice their scales. Masters in all disciplines recognize that they can always improve on the basics through practice, and will be better overall for it. If I’m learning to hit a golf ball, I have to do the motion over and over and over again until my fine motor coordination and my gross motor coordination are trained and I have the motion in muscle memory. I’m not sure I have anti-racism in muscle memory. I have to reiterate the fundamentals to train my mind away from the white supremacy it clings to, like a vine that needs to be trained onto a different support? We white women are all novices and children when it comes to relationship and anti-racism, so we have to practice, repeat, practice, repeat, practice repeat. It’s patience that Lace repeats herself so much, and encourages us to repeat what SHE already knows in her marrow, over and over. Patience and her commitment to helping us get it right, for the sake of lessening and mitigating our harm. Alcoholics Anonymous has a 12 step program. It’s so commonly spoken of that I’M aware of it, and have never been to a meeting. Does hearing 12 steps from them a lot make them a cult? I believe white supremacy is an addiction, and at the least an insidious habit I will be unlearning my entire life. Addiction recovery and self-improving change work seem like fantastic frameworks to approach it. Hence why I’m here.

BUT… CHANGING MYSELF…??? Does it seem cultish that Lace is asking us to change who we are? Well, I’m a white person who grew up steeped in, seeing through the lens of, benefiting from, and acting out patterns of white supremacy, as naturally as breathing. Yes. I absolutely need to change deep within myself to unlearn all of that learning. And so do you. Are we going to see our own blind spots? Nope. Do we need to believe Black and brown people about racism? Yes. Do we need to believe Lace about racism? Uh… yes.

JUST BELIEVE LACE…??? Yes. We are going to have to believe someone else about a danger we will never face, an aspect of our culture that is transparently present to us and yet a deadly killer to others, and so they have learned to see it better than we ever will. Can’t we just rely on the evidence of our senses? No. Because we will straight up not see harm coming, until it smacks someone of color near us upside the head, and even then we will often be so blind we will try to make it anything BUT racist abuse. So yes, we need to believe Lace about things we can’t prove for ourselves.

WELL SOME OF YOU SEEM TO TAKE IT TOO FAR! Okay, well, some David Duchovny fans take it too far, but no one’s calling him a cult leader. Celebrities get stalked, get fixated on, get idolized, get put on a pedestal and adored by thousands, some of whom are downright unhealthy in their attachment, and we don’t call those celebrities cult leaders. There will always be people who want to put other people on a pedestal and demand perfection of them. There are probably people here now who WANT to be in a cult, because that’s something they seek to fill a need, and maybe they see the tools we use and those tools fill that need on their end. Maybe Lace fills their need to be led lovingly. That doesn’t… make those tools flawed. That doesn’t make Lace and her Hesed flawed. That makes we who use the tools, Lace, her love, for our own ends instead of in service to lessening and mitigating harm, that makes us flawed.

WELL, AREN’T YOU WORRIED THAT YOU SOUND LIKE A CULT? Here’s a thing to ponder. I know that I’m not in a cult. I would leave if I found I were. I’m… really solid in my friendships outside of this space, not at all isolated, and not dependent on approval here to like what I see in the mirror. I’m actually self-esteeming to the point of arrogance. I’m not here for cookies or company. I’m here to fucking lessen and mitigate the harm I cause as a white woman to the Black and brown humans I share this world with. Knowing I’m not in a cult… why would I be worried that some people might think I am? Am I more concerned with the momentary discomfort I might feel from that until I manage to reassure my friends than I am with the harm I might cause? No. Do I care more about what people who aren’t doing this hard internal work think about me doing it than I care about doing that work? Uh-uh. Do I think that Lace, who has worked in addiction counselling, should pitch away powerful tools because what some people say about her using them hurts her, rather than continue to use them to teach us to cause less harm? Nope. I’m super glad she doesn’t. So… we need to ask ourselves, again, if we do think this is a cult, why are we here? If we don’t think it IS a cult, we’re just worried that it SOUNDS like one… what is it in us that privileges our comfort about what it SOUNDS like we’re doing over and above the truth of what it is that we’re DOING here?

My answer is my white supremacy, which I know will always look for reasons to distract me from racial equity work, or reassure my complacency, and will even seek to villainize the leader I’ve selected to follow, and vilify the very difficult work I have to do to become become become a less harmful person. And that’s hard and it’s revolutionary, and it’s unfamiliar, so of course it can sound dangerous. I’m still going to do it without blinking when people belittle the work or me, and I’ll sure as hell not let them deter me from working with a leader I’ve been in relationship with for years, whom I trust, and whose leadership and knowledge I admire, and have truly learned from.

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