Sometime between sips of orange water and coughing so hard I felt like I cracked a rib, I checked.

Something I had been loathe to do. For all my talk about funding, I hate talking about funding. Almost as much as I hate dealing with funding.

So I didn’t look.

Marlise, braver than I,  did though.

Despite my bug, which, combined with my normal reluctance, we made it.

Um, again. This is a big deal.

We made it.

Thank Marlise and her faith, and her knowing me and loving me through all my fear. We have been having rousing conversations in admin chat, talking about the next year, and yes, setting up groups. At one point I asked her if all this planning for next year was wise, because this planning only to have to stop would break my heart. Marlise said, without skipping a beat, ‘Silly Lace. We were never gonna stop.’

Silly Lace. Who needs to listen to herself and pick another orange.

It’s cold in San Diego right now. But so clear. From the north part of the property,. which slopes up, you can see distant twinkling, beyond the stars even– when it’s this clear. It is barely perceptible, like glitter on the horizon.

It’s Mexico.

Clarity all the way to Zona Rio.

And clarity in North Encanto. From my perch on the north side, to the orange tree, to the front field soon to be planted with mustard greens, growth and light.

Clarity. Since I have been under the weather, I have slept a lot. My body needed it. My mind too; when all you have is yourself and your thoughts, what emerges can become crystal clear.

Last year at this time, I was just back from the hospital. Nurse Tikka Rose hovering. I had almost three weeks sequestered at home to recover, and that time was spent planning for 2019. I hoped I would be able to give you the community and the words and the model and the soul that all of you deserved. I prayed I would be worthy of the time the Universe granted me. And I swore that I would not waste this second chance at life.

This year, way less dramatic. Bronchitis is not the same. I am lucky. I haven’t felt particularly lucky this past week, but I am.

I am lucky to have this space. I am lucky to hear your stories and your well wishes this past week. I am lucky that you place your faith and your resources here, when there are other places you could go and paths you could take.

You are glitter on my horizon. I may never see you in person (but I would love to). But oh, how you all shine.

Keep walking through 2020 which promises to be Lumpy indeed. Let’s get back to basics even as we take big strides forward.

To those of you who tangibly made it possible to make it to our two year mark, my deep thanks. I lift my orange water to you.

I vow to be worthy of all you have provided, and I vow to model what I am convinced is where we need to go.

A community member and I were talking tonight, and she said she is on a board now and she has used what she learned here to move the needle. As did so many of you who messaged me this week. This work is bigger than we are; we are just conduits.

We need each other. I need each of you. Lift me to Light, your glitter melded with others, that I become ever more a fellow walker worth following.

I want a strong showing as we end this year, and begin our next phases with resolve. We will be bigger, and will ask more of you as we grow. But that’s the point of walking, right? To perfect and then model and then replicate a way of walking not seen anywhere else.

I am tired. But I can’t stop looking at all the glitter.

Shine on. Shine on.

With gratitude,

your Lace