Lace on Race

Relational Ethics Series: On Being with de Button

We are starting with an audio from the On Being radio show.

Read the transcript, but listen to the unedited version.

This is, like most of what we will be presenting, done with romantic dyadic (two person) relationships in mind. But I feel deeply that the principles usually reserved for couples work well in our arena as well.

de Botton is engaging and pushes the envelope of what ‘good’ relationship looks like. Embedded in the discussion you will find talk of risk and resilience.

Let’s begin with this under our belts.

We have done our best to consider this a cumulative series; that is, what is learned will build on new information and materials, so it’s important that you check back frequently, and also look to the menus for what you might have missed.

I look forward to robust discussion. My commentary will be interspersed with yours. I am hoping for thoughtful comments, and for you all to talk to each other by way of responding to each other’s posts; that will be an expectation for the entire month and beyond. Let’s do this work together so we can walk together ever stronger.

https://onbeing.org/…/alain-de-botton-the-true-hard-work-o…/

Lace on Race Admin Staff

5 responses to “Relational Ethics Series: On Being with de Button”

  1. Julia Tayler Avatar
    Julia Tayler

    I’m circling back to these posts to round out some of the more recent ones. This conversation really spoke to me with some of the other posts I have recently read and commented on.

    This conversation was good for me to read and listen to. I’ve been married a LONG time and most days I wonder how much longer. The explanation of love and how what we believe love should be isn’t the reality hit home. I need to realize and take responsibility for my part in any loving relationship. Here and irl too. I need to listen and hear the other person/people. Not listen to respond or worse listen to one up. I really let my emotions get involved and I need to remember to hold my own hand. I need to keep walking and listening.

  2. Julia Tayler Avatar
    Julia Tayler

    I need to work on listening to hear and being a reliable partner. Showing up more often and ready to listen and be a part of the community.

  3. Julia Tayler Avatar
    Julia Tayler

    I agree – openness and communication are the key. Open for feedback is an important one for me. Listening to hear not to reply has always been a challenge for me.

  4. Rebecca Behar Avatar
    Rebecca Behar

    Forgiveness and largess. Acceptance of the quirks and the crazy. Not guessing, but asking what another person wants, thinks, feels. Those are the beauties and practices that popped for me, as I listened to the audio of this talk with Krista Tippet and Alain de Bottom. Though the focus is on marriage or personal, romantic partnerships, the principles are easily applied in all sorts of interactions…the most important one being leading with love. I was especially struck by the point made about not expecting our partners to already intuit what we want/need/expect as a hallmark of their love and commitment. Instead, the practice of asking the other, and then of being fully present and listening – that is the way to deepen our understanding of one another, in every kind of interaction. Don’t assume. Don’t presume. Ask, and listen to the answer.

    My goal is to practice loving intention, in the pursuit of racial equity, justice, and the lessening of harm. I aim to be a good listener as I work to be anti-racist. That position, of a listener, and a question asker, is my way of kneeling before those I would walk with, those who would teach me, and those I would seek to harm less. I don’t know it all. White people know-it-all-ism is a counterproductive stance. I can go there easily, when I get into my academic or professional head. My goal: pausing my brain chatter. Listening to understand, rather than respond. Letting go of what I think I already know/am certain of, in order to hear what I am being told is the important information. Full presence, without a pre-set agenda or assumption, is healing. It’s required, in order to do this work well.

  5. Michele Russo Avatar
    Michele Russo

    I’m revisiting the Relational Ethics Series. Listened to the de Boton interview today. What struck me most is the constant generosity and openness and communication he described that is the core of being in relationship with someone. When I think about how that relates to race and my own work, I see I can step up my communication and be more transparent and open for input and guidance, and feedback.

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