11 responses to “Where is the North Star in these Numbers?”

1. 

   Kerri

   January 7, 2021

   Emily, thank you for your reply, it helped me in that: a.) I wasn’t considering that I was disobeying Lace’s rules, and b.) I hadn’t considered how it would feel for Lace to get so little engagement after each ask. I put my lack of ‘ask’ engagement down to some weird (white privilege?) disdain for discussing money and also, I’m afraid of looking like I want a cookie! Pretty flimsy excuses. Thank you for helping me see them! And that feels like the simple bit, but more problematic is the ‘reliably unreliable’ engagement bit. Commenting on the ‘asks’ is pretty straight forward, but being a bit ‘unreliable’ is kind of my thing and something which is now going to require some deeper work…

2. 

   Christin Spoolstra

   November 24, 2020

   Thank you for stating so plainly the urge to use done/read/known/learned as a carveout for the work. When I do that I am not putting my praxis to work, not using this rehearsal space as promised, and not ingraining these lessons. When I do it, I am not becoming less harmful.

3. 

   Christin Spoolstra

   November 24, 2020

   *If this data opened your eyes, why didn’t you just believe Lace when she’s shared these same concerns before?
   I’m also new on the moderating team, and while the numbers haven’t actually opened my eyes as Lace has spoken about them for so long, they do feel more… cemented? I guess might be the word, like more real to be seeing them on each post as I enter this space. Like the point is driven home all the more painfully. Which leads me to…

   *If you were Lace, would you trust white people in this community right now? *Do you see relentless reliable commitment and durable love in these stats?
   No. If I as a new, white moderator find the confrontation of these numbers on every post painful, I can use my fictive imagination to understand Lace’s feelings of having seen them over the span of the almost 3 years of this community and knowing that the needle has not moved much over that time. Where is our relentless reliability? Only in our words, not our actions. Not our praxis.

   *Data indicates we are more interested in engaging when a white person posts-up – how does that sit with you?
   I’ve observed times that Lace has tagged in a white admin to make the same point. I have watched threads where walkers respond only to white members and ignore Lace. I once started a thread outside of Lace’s thread to speak with Marlise, a white admin, thinking I was doing Lace a favor by not co-opting her thread when I was really removing her from her own space. None of that is lessening and mitigating harm. All of that is trying to do this work on our own, white terms.

   *Do you more acutely understand the burden we place on Lace when she must ask for financial commitment twice a month? Only 1 in 58-80 walkers will have something to say. YIKES!
   Lace shouldn’t have to remind us. Ever. It’s another example of how we’re still toddlers in this work that we can’t pay attention to the calendar ourselves, that we won’t engage unless specifically told to. I anticipate our engagement numbers will increase after this post. I’ve already seen the data for the week to support that. And I question how long that will last.

   I sometimes think about what Lace and other Black women say about being unable to trust white women in this work. I feel hurt by it, want to be trusted, want to be known. And then I see these numbers and see myself in the aggregate. I – we – have not earned that trust.

   (cross posted)

4. 

   Rebecca McClinton

   November 23, 2020

   Welcome as a moderator, Julie! I have a pupper named Henry too. ‘#’s never lie’, comes to mind with this post and your reflections. I don’t feel surprised this is what the #’s show, as Lace has referenced them several times and I believe her, but seeing them in this chart does make it land in a different, more stark way. Many people are quick to react and comment on memes versus the more intensive and thoughtful work required going through longer pieces. It reinforces for me the importance of reliable action. If so few are acting reliably how much more important for me to be one of the ones who is. What needs to change for me? Commenting on the asks reliably and not carving out that the fact I’ve already engaged = not commenting. Pivoting to race I see how I translate that into my life. I give myself a pass and become lazy when I turn to tropes like “I already know/did/read/learned that,” as though that means I’m past that and don’t still need to pay attention. Beginners mind is so important.
   (cross posted to facebook)

5. 

   Shay Roberts

   November 23, 2020

   Returning after reading:
   If this data opened your eyes, why didn’t you just believe Lace when she’s shared these same concerns before?
   I did believe Lace, but I didn’t care. Not enough to reliably change my praxis. I cared more for my own comfort than how it lands for Lace.
   *If you were Lace, would you trust white people in this community right now?
   No, I would not trust us to be relentlessly reliable and to put our skin in the game which is what the ask and financial engagement is all about. And it says something even further that this is her first month of retirement from the county and the first month taking a full salary and financial engagement is down.
   And also that it takes the white women on the admin and leadership teams to say exactly what Lace has been saying for walkers like me to truly take it to heart and “get it in”.
   *Do you see relentless reliable commitment and durable love in these stats?
   No, I do not. Not for Lace.
   *Data indicates we are more interested in engaging when a white person posts-up – how does that sit with you?
   That unfortunately isn’t surprising but it still doesn’t sit well with me. This will be something I keep at the forefront of my mind going forward.
   *Do you more acutely understand the burden we place on Lace when she must ask for financial commitment twice a month? Only 1 in 58-80 walkers will have something to say. YIKES!
   Yes, and she has shared time and time again that the Ask is hard but necessary for her to do. Well if course it is with the message those numbers send.
   *The lurking is significant and continues.
   I have been guilty of this, even as I engage almost daily. There are days or posts when I read but don’t leave any comments, picking and choosing instead of adhering to the well-established guidelines and norms.
   *Cross-posted*

6. 

   Emily Holzknecht

   November 23, 2020

   (crossposted to facebook)

   Returning to comment again after reading the rest:

   If this data opened your eyes, why didn’t you just believe Lace when she’s shared these same concerns before?
   In my mid-reading comment, I said that maybe I had noticed the difference in engagements with different types of posts because of my computer science background. I did not acknowledge Lace’s repeated attempts to bring it to our attention which is more likely why I had noticed it. It was self-centering and white supremacist of me to fail to credit Lace here. I undervalued and erased her contribution to my thinking.
   If I were Lace, I would not trust white people in this community. Or I would trust them to be predictably unreliable. The statistics do not show a relentlessly reliable commitment or durability.
   Looking at the in-house posts only (since the meme appears to originate from a Black person), Laura’s post (Laura being a white woman) has more comments than Lace’s posts. Even though the data set is small, we don’t need more data (and we should never have needed any data) because Lace has told us again and again that what is shown in the table is true within the Lace on Race community. Additionally, the guidelines are clear that we are to read every post, comment on every post and respond to at least two other walkers on every post. We are not following the directions of Lace, a Black woman. We are undervaluing her work. How does that sit with me? At first I feel the clench of defensiveness in the sense of, how can I possibly do anything about the lurkers and the unreliable commenters?! And then I pull up short because here you are, a community member like myself, and like Laura too and you and Laura have been doing something about it. You and Laura have committed to the leadership team and have written posts specifically to try to shake the lurkers and the unreliable posters and wake them up. You and Laura are doing work to lessen and mitigate harm to Lace in ways that goes beyond your own meeting of expectations. Also I have yet to participate with the Lace on Race menus and need to go back and see which posts I have shared and which I still need to share so I need to both address my own participation as well as take a page from you and Laura’s books on working to lessen and mitigate harm perpetuated by white people in the community like me.
   Asking for money is awful. I am thinking most of us here would do quite a lot to get out of having to ask for money. Lace has told us again and again how she hates to do the ask. Even though it is what makes her dream, her creation, her baby possible. Even though it pays for her health insurance which is otherwise denied her because this society is too racist to have universal healthcare. Even though learning to financially engage is part of what white women need to do to overcome our own white supremacy. I show my love and support for Lace and the community by financially engaging monthly before the first ask, thereby contributing to reducing the pressure of the asks on Lace. I show my love and support for Lace again when I comment on the ask posts and when I respond to the comments of others on the asks. I have not shared an ask before, but that would be another form of love and support.

7. 

   Laura Berwick

   November 23, 2020

   [cross posted form Facebook]

   My additional reflections on the remaining points Julie raises:

   *If you were Lace, would you trust white people in this community right now?
   *Do you see relentless reliable commitment and durable love in these stats?
   *Data indicates we are more interested in engaging when a white person posts-up – how does that sit with you?
   *Do you more acutely understand the burden we place on Lace when she must ask for financial commitment twice a month? Only 1 in 58-80 walkers will have something to say. YIKES!
   *The lurking is significant and continues.

   So, I believe Lace when she says she feels less than well held by this community. Stipulated that everyone is getting busy… or maybe a better word is pressured?… as we go into the holiday season. Well, Lace is currently working with multiple teams to get new business entities formalized and turn the Lace on Race Café concept into a reality. She’s still making videos, writing her own material, reviewing material from other contributors, and researching for future material. I know this is more behind the scenes for a lot of us, so… take it from me? She’s stepping out with us in faith to a large extent this month. I can see how data like this makes that daunting.

   I appreciate seeing this in tangible numbers, though. I’m a data driven sort of person, and when I see something like the close relationship between comments and reach, it gives me a positive direction to go. I can comment on the Ask posts, even if it’s just to affirm that I’ve already engaged. If there were a month when I could not in honesty affirm my engagement, I could affirm why my engagement is important. Not only does it help sustain this space, not only does it help hold Lace, it ensures that I am TANGIBLY INVESTED in the racial equity work I say I want to do, support, advance, be a part of. What I won’t do is say, gosh, I want to participate more but… I will remember the can’ts vs won’ts, and the energy it takes for Lace to read the words of one of us asking for a carveout, for absolution for our can’t. If I have a can’t, that’s mine to address. It may be unavoidable. It isn’t “okay”.

   It… doesn’t sit real well with me right now that my post got more comments than Lace’s. I’m still going to contribute my writing when Lace encourages and asks me to, absolutely. But… this feels so funky y’all. If you’re reading this and wanting me NOT to feel funky… well… in future we’ll do what we need to so this isn’t the funky spot I end up in? I’m interested to see what the numbers look like over the next few weeks.

   And y’all, get ready for the move. New year, new us, new space… I’m going to start thinking now who I’m going to be there. Because who I am here, and who I am there, is who I am.

8. 

   Laura Berwick

   November 23, 2020

   [cross posted from Facebook]

   Starting out at the midway questions:

   *Any initial first impressions?
   *What surprised you?
   *Have you ever thought about engagement and activity in this context? Why or why not?
   *What activity needs to continue?
   *What activity needs to change?

   My first impressions are that this reinforces a pattern Lace has already recognized and made overt with us: that we are excited to jump on the short and easy posts and the posts where Lace exhorts us to deeper…mmm…maybe more comprehensive or holistic? thought see less activity. When it’s a meme, we all have something to say. When it’s a mirror, we fall silent.

   Honestly, I’m surprised the Letter to Lurkers got more attention than Lace’s tears. I think I had important things to say, or Lace and the other admins wouldn’t have encouraged me to write and post it. And I’m pleased to have written an article that many found illuminating. But… nothing I have to say as a white woman can be more instructive or important with regard to our North Star than Lace’s sharing her experience as a Black woman. And… I felt like my letter was more of an indictment that many might just shrug off, but I guess it was… more palatable?… for more people than Lace’s tears. And maybe as a white woman, more white women felt comfortable with my thoughts, even as adversarial as they might be taken? That’s saying some things about all of us.

   As an admin, I have given some thought to this way of contextualizing the engagement on each post. We work to present the very best content, and we work to be up front and authentic and transparent in the Asks. As we say in the guidelines, we run them multiple times because of the way this space is suppressed on Facebook, so these posts can get the reach they need to have to sustain this space as “free-ish”. And that takes a toll on Lace as she’s made clear. And the low reach feeds the need to do more while it makes more Asks even more onerous. Y’all, this is hard, ugly truth. I need to do my part to comment on the Asks. It’s weird commenting on a post I make, but in those cases I can and need to get over that.

   As for activity that needs to continue, all of this engagement needs to continue. Not one comment less, y’all. The memes, for example, are part of our work, or Lace wouldn’t post them. They should absolutely be getting 300 comments.

   So should the posts Lace authors. There’s room for dialog and conversations, even on the asks. We’re working to build a core group of 100 to 150 reliable members for Chef’s table. That tells you where these comment numbers should be. Some of this will get easier when the Café opens. But some things will need to be made into new habits. So deliberate, intentional engagement now is needed, and will be needed as we move to the new space. I need to get better at this myself.

9. 

   Emily Holzknecht

   November 23, 2020

   Commenting before proceeding further in reading:

   Initial impressions
   Comments and sharing is not proportional to the amount of thought and work put in by Lace or team members to compose something especially for us.
   The meme which was created by an outside source, though selected and introduced by Lace, appears more important to LOR walkers than LOR created material.
   Maybe it isn’t worth it to many white people to do actual reading.
   Posts with more comments reach more people.
   People avoid interacting with the money posts. We have a long way to go in terms of the economic aspect of racism.
   Condolences and healthy wishes are cheap. People are much happier to give those away than to talk about (and probably give) financial support.

   What surprised you?/Have you ever thought of activity in this context?
   In a way I am not particularly surprised by the data. I hadn’t put the data in a table, but I have definitely noticed the differences in post interactions with different types of posts. I initially went to school for computer science, and I would say that data is of interest to me, so maybe that is why I have thought about the patterns in post interactions before.
   I would have thought even more people would have commented with their healthy wishes and prayers on Lace’s mom’s post because it seemed like a lot of people popping up for that one, though on reflection, I saw a lot more new faces on the meme one. I am surprised that more people didn’t share the lurkers post by Laura. Although addressed to lurkers of this community, I found it to be so full of useful information!
   I am surprised by the last line. Maybe I don’t understand what the “people reached” column means, but how is it that the Produce Menu reached no one when it was shared 14 times? Surely it at least reached 14 people so that they could share it?

   What activity needs to continue? What activity needs to change?
   Commenting makes a difference in terms of reach. We need to continue commenting to ensure reach. We need to change so that we are commenting at least as much on the posts that Lace and the team have put long hours into composing, the ones that we actually have to put time in to read and especially we need to comment much much more on the posts reminding each and every one of us to financially engage with the community. Our values show up in what we do, not in what we say. Right now what we do is saying we do not particularly value the time the LOR team puts in and we definitely don’t value it enough to prioritize financial engagement. We are saying we are willing to do anti-racism work if it’s the equivalent of a short free paragraph.

10. 

    Shay Roberts

    November 23, 2020

    Any initial first impressions?
    Initial impressions are the significant difference in comments on the meme and Laura’s post vs. Lace’s posts and the asks.

    What surprised you?
    0 comments on the produce menu/mid-month ask.

    Have you ever thought about engagement and activity in this context? Why it why not?
    I have thought about engagement and activity when Lace has brought it to our attention on other posts and sub threads, but I believe those were only about one post at a time, not a comparison of several posts as this is. Lace’s past comments and posts have prompted me to think about when I click through on something but don’t allow for the time to leave thoughtful comments and the message that sends to Lace and the team who see those statics. Admittedly, I have improving to do on being relentlessly reliable on this, so I will be going back tonight and starting to remedy this by commenting on posts that I’ve seen but not commented on.

    What activity needs to continue?
    Following the guideline and norm of leaving a thoughtful comment and commenting on two other walkers’ comments on all posts, regardless of the content or author.

    What activity needs to change?
    The lack of comments on Lace’s posts and the asks. Lace has shared again and again, I would say every time she does the ask actually, that it’s a difficult thing for her to do. Well of course it’s difficult if this is the response it garners while a meme gets exponentially more responses. And I’m speaking to myself here as I have not commented on the asks every time, especially if I’ve already engaged. But this is me allowing myself a carveout. I know the guidelines and expectations for every post, including the asks, so I will do this no more.
    *Cross-posted*

11. 

    Christina Sonas

    November 23, 2020

    [midway comment]
    The meme about a point of language got a lot of traction compared to the ones directed at their audience more personally, or spoken more personally by Lace, with the financial engagement posts at the bottom. I could see lots and lots of new “faces” on that meme post, and I too contemplated why people were popping up on it. It’s impersonal, so no one’s bucket is threatened; and it’s something right up the alley of a “well-read racist” white liberal follower of the page, because it requires almost no action on their part.

    I have never really thought about how people follow or participate in the page and our work with this granularity. It was clear that the page has three distinct groups of followers: those who do the work consistently; those who do it intermittently; and those who don’t do it at all. And while the first and third groups are well-understood, I can now look at what brings the intermittent followers in and out.

    I need to improve my commenting to 100% of the financial engagement posts so I’m helping them get as much traction as possible. And while on this particular meme I did follow my awareness of new faces with action — I made thoughtful replies to many of them, including a question to draw their engagement, and returned to those who responded — that too is not something that I do consistently and therefore needs to be improved.