Facebook Publication Date: 7/13/2021 22:07

One of the things that I like to remember about boundaries is that the barrier doesn’t just go one way.

Most of the time when people think about boundaries it’s about protecting themselves from others; sometimes, actually, too much.

The flip though is also something to consider, that is, protecting others from our own worst impulses.

Things like unbridled self-expression, retaliation, sarcasm, anything that requires a degree of self-regulation so that we ourselves are not harming others.

Put another way, usually when people talk about boundaries, they locate themselves in a victim stance, or they make sure they are taking measures to assure that they never are in the victim position.

But one of the things that people almost never do is to acknowledge the fact that we ourselves can be perpetrators or potential perpetrators.

That’s one reason I developed the method that we use at Lace on Race .

I also think it can be helpful to think about power dynamic.

Usually it’s the person in the power position who has the ability to enforce boundaries upon others.

That’s worth thinking about, particularly when relationships can be inherently unbalanced, such as cross-cultural or cross racial relationships, or there’s an imbalance in social capital or position, like income or job title.

I always have to remind myself that boundaries are not necessarily walls.

They’re more like louvers that can be raised or lowered depending on perceived Threat Level, but we need to tell ourselves the truth about what that Threat Level actually is.

Again that has a power Dynamic to it as well.

As you can tell, I have thought about boundaries a lot.

Partially because my background is studying codependency oh, and that’s where the concept of boundaries first came.

And if you look back to the original definition before it sort of suffered from a kind of mission drift, they do talk about the responsibilities as well as the rights that are associated with boundaries.

I welcome your thoughts!

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