Facebook Publication Date: 7/31/2021 2:07

Single or not, let’s talk about money.

For those of us without partners, it’s crucial to think about money, no matter how much the subject makes us twitch or cringe.

The reasons are many, and are as much emotional and psychological as they are financial.

And for those of us who are somewhat older, it’s even more important.

This article is helpful. I don’t completely agree with absolutely everything, but what I do appreciate is the author’s opening, setting up the situation for us, and also one of their very specific suggestions, which is to find and work with a money buddy.

I really like the suggestion, for a couple of reasons. I myself have several.

One, the taboo against talking about money gives us more anxiety than is warranted, and more power to money itself.

People always feel that their peers are doing better than they are, but we don’t know how much consumer debt they’re carrying, or we see a fancy purse but don’t realize that they take cheese sandwiches to lunch every day to be able to afford it.

It can be very freeing and affirming to be able to talk candidly about money with one’s friends and family.

And to have someone who knows the details of your financial life is great not only for accountability but also can be a very subversive act.

It’s amazing really; you can sit at a bus stop and people will tell you about their gallbladder operation or about how they kicked out their fourth husband, but talking about money is verboten.

And, as with most things, the things we don’t talk about with others, we also can often repress and suppress within ourselves.

As well, the things that we as a culture have decided not to talk about, usually benefits not ourselves, but rather, the powerful.

In the same way that we don’t talk about salaries at work; that’s not to protect our privacy, or certainly not only to protect our privacy. It’s to protect the employer.

Lifting the veil off of our financial lives it’s scary, and yes, it can be a risk.

But having a buddy, or buddies, whom you trust to talk about things financial can take away the mystery and also take away the taboo. Not only about how much you spend or save, which can veer dangerously close to bragging and or hoarding, what about where you give. About your fears about money oh, and yes, the joys that money can bring.

I think that this is particularly important with cross-cultural and cross-racial friendships.

Usually, there is some financial daylight between friends; and the margin can be greater with dominant culture people entering into significant relationships with marginalized people.

That gap can become the elephant in the room. Friendships can be expensive oh, and to be able to speak freely about taking a walk instead of having an expensive dinner shouldn’t come from a place of shame but rather from a place of candor.

I have found that talking about money to trustworthy people who hold me to account and also open up to me can enhance relationships.

So, while the usual tips and tricks that you’ll find in this article have merit, I think the most important takeaway is breaking the silence, both to people you know and also between your ears.

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