The White Art of Misdirection

Welcome to my kitchen table. I’ve got a pot of coffee brewing, and assorted mugs for you to choose from. I also have a key lime pie but this is your warning that it is tart.

We need to talk about the white art of misdirection. We are literally killing BIPOC with our designed magic tricks. The misdirection? While we saw a Black person in half, we get the audience to feel bad for our exhaustion from grinding a saw back and forth.

Let’s talk about the misdirection act we pull when we waltz into spaces designed to make anti-racism a part of our every day lives.

Every space is assumed to be open to white people, and BIPOC should be inclined to make it as comfortable as possible so we stay. After all, we white people are here to help! Why should we be scolded for our amazing intentions? Oh, it is terrifying to step into a space where we *might* be on equal expectation footing with a Black woman. We need some time and patience please. If not, oh you want me to leave?! Fine I’ll just leave. *Waits for response with eyes peeking open from dramatic flair*

Misdirection. Like a magic trick, the conversation has jumped track from talking about the demands white supremacy makes. We are now firmly scrambling to appease the horrific lack of relational walking.

Out of our white mouths, we claim a desire to help. We want to listen. We insist we ARE listening. We are screaming our intentions so loudly, we spit on those we’ve thrust our heavy, white bodies upon. Here, we are offering our professed New Years Resolution.

Meanwhile, we have a toothy, rusty saw in our hand. Don’t pay attention to the fact that we won’t commit to accountability. Don’t notice the way the spotlight has swiveled to our performance. Skip past the spatters of blood of those we are claiming to support. Misdirect.

The main performance of white supremacy. Drown out the cries of pain as BIPOC die with our stage voice booming about our individuality and struggles.

Community, anti racism isn’t a transactional space. There is no call the manager to get the special discount. Opt in, or opt out. Do the work, or leave. Come dressed to pave some fucking walkways or take your cheap ass heels somewhere else.

Drop the act.

I have a suspicion. We flail about dramatically at even the most basic requests for our labor precisely because we know what we have demanded from Black people since day one….their lives. We know that if we start down this path, the risk isn’t just calluses on our hands but our actual lives, our comfort, our mental disassociation.

So, we misdirect.

We fall into hysterics at the slight suggestion of “sacrifice,” which is actually quite simply a request for parity.

Get off the stage. Take off the costume. Walk out of the theatre.

The work is outside.

You can’t reap what you don’t sow.


13 responses to “The White Art of Misdirection”

  1. Rhonda Eldridge Avatar

    I have committed to re-reading all the pinned posts and I am deeply aware of my own white privilege in it. Tonight, I shall read and respond to four pinned posts. Isn’t that good of me? Isn’t that committed of me? It is also another example of the leisure that I have to dole out my time as if is a hand out that others are lucky to get. This is work. Reading, examining, seeing my own white privilege and then seeing how even my attitude needs to be honed. So, let me try again. Thank you, Marlise for these words and this reminder. I am here because I want all of the deeply, deeply ingrained in me so that I can lessen and mitigate the harm that I do not only to Lace but to all of the black and brown people in my life know and unknown. It is an honor to have this content to review. Not a burden.

  2. Lacey Lipe Avatar
    Lacey Lipe

    Today I heard one of M4BL leaders Ash-lee Henderson use a movement quote, “They tried to bury us, but they didn’t realize we were the seed.” Now we are in Black spaces trying to reap what we didn’t sow.
    As angry and frustrated as I’ve gotten with fellow white women, I’ve made comments on threads that have derailed the conversation a couple of times this week. And the work I’ve done is incomplete at best.
    Even though I can keep my bucket steady during a crisis, once the situation settles down I have a tendency to slosh.
    Nevertheless, after a week of ongoing crises I put my heels on and went sashaying into these spaces despite knowing this about myself.
    I say that my goal is to create less harm, but my behaviors were contributing to more harm being done.
    I’m rolling up my sleeves and looking back at pinned posts. It’s not sexy, but neither is another hashtag representing someone’s daughter, increased risk of diabetes/heart disease, a failed education system, or the inability to call 911 when your non-verbal child is in crisis…
    I commit to doing the work and maintaining my bucket, to getting dirty and being willing to clean up the mess made by white supremacy… because it is my job & my responsibility.

  3. Leslie Avatar
    Leslie

    Thanks for sharing that example. I also like the phrase “punching up,” I’ve heard it before but it must not have stuck. I think it’s stuck now, though, haha.

  4. Christina Sonas Avatar
    Christina Sonas

    You’ve created quite a stunning metaphor, which is always something that resonates quickly and deeply for me. I see myself as a juggling clown, contributing to the distraction with my full regalia on, with the main show behind me as if I’m not part of it… (An additional nuance, a lot of my efforts so far have been completely performative.) Some commitments: 1. I will stay out of black and brown spaces unless I have express invitation. 2. I will keep revisiting the pinned posts and participating in the conversations so I can get rid of my rusty saw and all the other damaging items I hold that harm and threaten POC. 3. I commit to accountability and to keeping black and brown people centered in my vision. 4. I will remember that this show is not about me, but about lessening White harm inflicted on BIPOC. Thank you for this piece.

  5. Maria English Avatar
    Maria English

    Thanks for this (kindly candid) kick in the rear, Marlise. Since I’ve been intentionally thinking about this more, I’ve noticed myself doing this in large and “small” ways. Example of a “small” way: I follow some Black women on FB and Instagram; their main audience is other Black women, so I don’t react/comment – just listen. Several of them make jokes and/or criticisms about white people a lot of the time, and my first reaction is to get all offended and think how unfair that is to *me*. This is obviously centering myself and pretty darn violent, though in a “small” way – but it’s inside my head, which makes me less likely to keep listening – unless I control my reactions like an adult. To work on that, I’ve been telling myself- look, it’s punching up, not down. It’s completely fair, and the things they’re saying are accurate! I would totally make the same kinds of jokes/statements about white men without a second thought, in the same sort of punching up. And, like your post, the commentary is about me, but not about ONLY me.

    Thanks for the reminder and the exhortation to cut out this misdirection from every area of our lives.

  6. Christin Spoolstra Avatar
    Christin Spoolstra

    I like learning. I like self-improvement. But all those are performative bullshit, white misdirection, and toxic poison if I’m doing nothing. Commitment. Resilience. Alignment. These tools aren’t being added to my box to be only used here. The point is to have the rehearsal in order to join the play. “Tart” may be an understatement, but a swift kick up the ass was needed.

  7. Karen Avatar
    Karen

    Thank you for your response. I am definitely viewing things differently since coming to Lace on Race. Definitely one of those things is commitment. And – reliability. : )
    Also, congratulations to you, Marlise. Thanks for all you do here, and I wish you and your family great connecting together time.

  8. Marlise Avatar
    Marlise

    My question to you is this….now that you’ve pointed out your leaning away from community, are you going to return to those posts?

  9. Emma Noonan Avatar
    Emma Noonan

    I am letting this sit with me. To paraphrase Laura and switch it around a little, you are not ONLY taking about me, but you are taking about me. I have been skipping over commenting on some of the pinned posts as I’ve read. Not for always, I tell myself, but for now! But in that, I have avoided committing. I think I don’t trust myself, but that’s my own hand to hold and not someone else’s job, not yours or Lace’s job to wait for me to be ready or understand my noble intentions. If I want to be in relationship with you all, and be an adult, I need to use my words to say what I’m going to do and then hold myself to doing it. I am not special or exempt from causing harm. But I commit to showing up and being accountable for lessening that harm, to bookstores my resilience in order to be relentless and reliable and safe for the black and brown folks who need me and us to be. Thank you, Marlise, for the self-check. I’m also going to come back in a few hours and re-read and look for ways this comment uses my well-honed misdirection skills and reflect on that.

  10. Marlise Avatar
    Marlise

    Yes, resilient and reliable. You are plugging the pieces in! For me, I need to recognize that there is commitment even in the unspoken. Especially here. Especially when I step into spaces where I hold power. There is commitment in relationship. For me to act like I am surprised by that betrays what I’ve been able to get away with through white supremacy. That’s the part we keep transactional. We act like a conversation is just that….an exchange of ideas glancing off each other like little arrows. No. True relational walking is when you bring your commitment to, as Lace says, not blow up-shut down-or run away. The commitment of follow through.

  11. Laura Berwick Avatar
    Laura Berwick

    I am… very used to feeling exceptional. One of my biggest challenges here is to remember every day, in every word, that I am absolutely of a pattern with the white women around me. I have had to learn to SIT on top of my self expression. Make sure every word is candid, not overblown for the rhetorical flourish. I have absolutely lapsed in my participation here. I have lurked and felt guilty and defensive when Lace mentions people who lurk and are intermittent. I have to balance in myself the two ideas, that she’s talking about me, and she’s not talking ONLY about me. I have to hold myself accountable, and not bring my excus…reasons… …. excuses… to her and ask for absolution. That’s not her job. It is nobody’s job to tell me it’s OKAY for me to take a break from the work of doing less harm. It’s certainly not a black woman’s job to excuse me from not doing less harm to black people.

    I have to do what I say I will do. Better yet, I should just do without the saying.

    Each time I see someone making the carve-outs I have wanted to make, or have made on my own, I have to admit that this is where I could very easily be. I may go there, some day, when I’m not regulating well, and I might have my reasons, but those are MY problems to resolve. I need… I NEED… to be disruptively honest with myself. I need to hold my own hand.

    We were talking about the preparation we need to take to approach black people and people of color in ways that do not cause harm. This is the preparation I need to take coming here. I have to be mentally stripped down, nothing up my sleeve, because no sleeves. Nothing in my pockets, no pockets. No rabbits from my hat, no hat. No saws. No scarves. No flourishes. No misdirection. This way of thinking about it really speaks to me, Marlise. I have a million tricks in my arsenal to make myself look better while doing harm. They have to stay at the door. This is… SO hard. But this is the work. This IS the work.

  12. Karen Glassman Batten Avatar
    Karen Glassman Batten

    Wow. Thanks, Marlise. Yeah, the coffee is bitter and the pie is hella tart, and they’re what I needed. And yes, thanks, Varda, I may not have gloves with me, and I will be awkward and clumsy, but I’ve picked up some tools, too, and am working with you, blisters and all; I can bandage up my hands tonight.

    After a pause – Now that I’ve learned (No – now that I am learning) to ask myself, are my thoughts and behaviors harming people of color… I think these words above would be (will be) harmful if I don’t follow through, if I use words only here, but not outside of here in the rest of my life, in my other communities or if I only use words, but never take actions. Maybe… yes… I think the above words are harmful if I say them but do not also show relentless resiliency and, oh shoot, is it responsibility? My memory is telling me that what i need to bring here is an ability to work through hard stuff and my own racism (I think that was how I interpreted the resiliency) and that I need to show up again and again, be accountable for my commitments. I may not remember the phrase correctly, but I think that if I am resilient and… present here regularly (whatever the term was), that my words will not be harmful; they will be true.

  13. Varda L Avatar
    Varda L

    I am taking this very personally. This is a call to action for me to live the values I’ve been expressing for the past year. The point isn’t for me to get comfortable with the tools here. The point is to use them well, even if they cause blisters.

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