So of course, the Early June Ask is late. Researching the rest of the Floyd series and doing back of house stuff has been the perfect excuse to ignore, or more accurately, pretend to ignore, my least liked task.
So, I have been going my merry way this month–researching and drafting and engaging and mentoring, and still–there it is.
I was thinking about doing it (really!) as I was driving earlier today. I was thinking about its necessity, and how it was a part of my praxis to do the hard things, and this–pleading for money; let’s just call a thing a thing– is most certainly one of those (very) hard things.
I was thinking about the new people who have onboarded this last month, and what I could tell them (and reinforce for more seasoned walkers) that I have not already said before.
That’s the one of the hardest parts, you know–saying basically the same thing in novel ways. Deep sigh.
Asks always provide the perfect cue for folks, both new and seasoned, to bail out of the car and out of the work, and I don’t want that, not at all. Knowing that I will lose at least a few of you is so inhibiting. But there it is.
But Asks are what keeps the lights on, what allows us to partner with some amazing individuals and orgs, allow us to dream big, with plans for staffers and interns andLoR Lives and even more. So ya, it’s necessary. But how to make it fresh; how to convince (yet again) you all to tangibly engage with us so we can keep coming to you?
Particularly now, in this particular time. This time last year, people were galvanized with the energy of what the media called ‘The Black Spring’ (we will be getting to them–and to you– in the Floyd series), and they in the media alternately wondered, and predicted, and actually enabled and influenced if, or more accurately, when the zeal would fade.
The events of February aside when we at LoR had a force majeure, a toxic tornado we did not see coming and could not prepare for; even with that, we are not alone in decreased revenues from those who were fired up 12 short months ago.
We are lucky, actually–there are a lot of spaces which are now dormant or have faded altogether. That is incredibly unfortunate. There is no way anyone who started on a racial justice journey in the spring/summer of 2020 has all that they need to do this work well. We are lucky that, even with the real crisis and struggle we have collectively endured, we are still standing and serving. But. It shouldn’t be so hard; we shouldn’t have to endure the fickleness and the intermittency of those whose full throats suddenly closed. It has been hard, so hard, for us.
It has been exponentially worse for others. And I feel it. I feel it hard.
I was and am heartened by the large field of those doing incredible racial justice work–we at Lace on Race know we are by no means the only resource, and we also know that we ask differently, and in some ways more, of our readership and community than other spaces. We know that some of you, perhaps many of you, are not ready for us. Not ready for our particular make and model of car in which we exhort you to stay–or maybe you just don’t like our paint job. So, the one thing that mitigated the pain (somewhat) is that if people decided that we were not quite the community for them, that they would go elsewhere, and not leave the work altogether.
These days, I have less of that optimism. The quiet and sad truth is that people who leave this space don’t go on to find other ones. They may turn to other issues that are less provocative (at least for them), or they might opt out of any form of social justice at all. And for those who are looking for something different, it is that much harder to do so. The orgs and individuals who have been doing yeoman work are struggling. We are too, but so much more are they.
This is a conversation that is hard to have–particularly in the midst of an Ask.
But we at LoR have never believed that we should be the only people to experience growth, and affirmation, and influence. Since our very beginning, we have always encouraged, and strongly, that people find other spaces and individuals to fund in addition to ours, or even, and again, this is almost suicidal to say during an Ask, groups and individuals other than ours. It’s why we fund Community Partners with firstfruits; to make it easy for you all to have skin in the game beyond Lace on Race. It’s how we walk in deep solidarity with others who are doing good work, even if, especially if, their way of writing and connecting and activism is different than our own.So we encourage ‘taking it outside’ with our dollars.
For the most part though, that hasn’t happened. It hurts my heart to see my colleagues and compatriots struggle. Again, we are struggling too; seven months post Holly, our revenues continue to decline, even as our readership has grown. We have not met our basic $12,000 budget since I retired in November 2000, and now, post Holly & Co, we are at less than half that.
But we have never wavered; not on firstfruits; not on the Mental Health Fund, not on serving pro bono to individuals and other groups with mentoring, coaching, and perspective outside of Lace on Race. We simply cannot. We cannot be hamstrung by what this community does or does not do.
We have to keep walking, and trust that people will show up again. That the people that we attract and retain will see the value of the work here and outside, internalize the praxis and ethos which drives our convictions about financial engagement and will partner with us again–and, crucially, not only with us.
This is such a big deal. This is the crux of the work–tangibly walking with the people who have done and are doing the heavy lifting. It is not enough to read; not enough to show up for a march (most folks didn’t do that either; we will also be talking about this in the Floyd series).
And there are only so many ways to communicate this to you.
The words, and the emotion, and the bandwidth could be expended on other things. But, then, again as I have said before, this confrontation–me to the community; you to me; all of us with each other–is a brutally necessary part of the work. We don’t want to acknowledge this; that this piece, however clenchy and uncomfortable, is a crucial part of praxis.
That we do this every month speaks of the faith we have in you–not this imperfect, shitty model–but of the faith we have in each of you.
Very simply, I would like to continue to serve you with my utmost. I thank you in advance for allowing me to do so.
I also thank those of you who have financially engaged without the prompt of the ask, and for those of you who are aware of the shortfall that has been endured post Holly. If you would like to earmark engagement specifically to address that shortfall, you can designate and we will see it, and again, your thanks for your faith in me, in us, and your commitment to our Western Star, even in the midst of adversity.
To Sustainers, Sustainers in Training, those who have registered for the Lace on Race Cafe, and those who aspire to be part of Chef’s Table, thank you in advance for your fulfilling your monthly commitment. It is you all who allow us to serve and influence and mentor and teach and abide. Every month, especially in these recent challenging months, my heart swells because of your continued faithfulness.
For those of you who engage a la carte at the Takeout Window, I hope you have seen and appreciated the value in the fare we offer you and directly invite (and gently and lovingly challenge) you to partner with us.
If you would like to know more about becoming a Sustainer or a Sustainer in Training, or if you would like to be seated in the Bistro, links are below. I look forward to walking with and abiding with you in ever deeper ways.
What we do is different from what you will see anywhere else. What we offer to you is different; and what we ask for and from you is different. We are grateful for you. You will find our walking with you will never waver.
Sometimes it’s hard to say variations of the same thing at least twice a month: but the truth is here every day: what we do here is important and needed; your financial engagement is what allows it to happen, and this: we have only scratched the surface of what could be and what reach we could have.
Thank you to those who are now and or are considering walking with me in this way.
And a candid thank you, and an invitation, to those who are considering re-engagement who have not since February. I hope you have seen our faithfulness to you individually and to the community as a whole. Our faithfulness and resolve will continue; on that you can rest. I look forward to your renewed commitment with anticipation and with deep gratitude and appreciation.
With deep and unshakable Hesed,
Your Lace
PayPal: paypal.me/LaceonRace
Sustainer Form: https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSfFul2VLVi…/viewform…
Sustainer in Training Form: https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSess6XRJqL…/viewform…
Join in The Bistro discussion below.
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When Lace talks about how one of the hardest parts is saying the same thing in novel ways, it makes me think how that same thing is true for issues of racial justice. ‘how many different ways I gotta put this down for you to pick it up, whyte people?!’ Whether it be in regards to financial engagement or believing what Black and Brown people are saying, they “shouldn’t have to endure the fickleness and the intermittency of those whose full throats suddenly closed”. I love the make and model of this car that makes me stop and consider that through chewing and responding to the material. I have given of my first fruits both to this space and others also doing the work in my community. I will ever be thankful for the exhortations here that helped me get back into those practices I put aside earlier in my life. Can’t take money with you…better to see it walk and talk today in meaningful ways.
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I appreciate your application here of “can’t take it with you.” I mostly hear people say that as a reason to splurge or indulge, to do things for themselves. There is no reason “can’t take it with you” can’t be able service.
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I whole heartily agree that they shouldn’t have to endure the fickleness and intermittency of wp. We flit from hobby to hobby as Emily says below – cause to cause. I like the can’t take it with you as regards to service also.
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I am also thinking about saying things over and over again and having it feel and sound new. I am thinking about how white people like me sometimes…often… come to racial justice spaces because it is a new interest and when that interest feels satisfied, racial justice gets stuffed in the back of the closet with other hobbies that came and went. For Black and brown people, racial justice is life and death, not a hobby. White people like me need to recognize it and work to become relentlessly reliable rather than treating it as a passing interest. Even when the ideas are no longer new. Even when we’ve had the same conversation with other white people before, once, twice, twenty times (do white people even get to 20?), 100 times, even when it’s boring to have that same conversation all over again, we have to keep showing up to have it. In my life I have mostly had the option to avoid tasks that become repetitive, and I will continue to be able to do that in most situations. But I am choosing not to avoid repetition where it is needed when it comes to racial justice.
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I also engaged financially at the beginning of June.
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The repetition and “boring” label remind me.of one of the relational ethics posts about how it is in the mundane daily living that intimacy is built. White people thrive on the honeymoon phase because we crave surface depth and immediate emotional satisfaction. We reacted angrily when our feelings weren’t soothed or efforts applauded. Because we want to be courted. That isn’t relationship and it centers our white selves. Do we even know what intimacy actually looks like? Where we know someone so well that they do not need to ask when there is a need, because we are invested and involved? That the Ask must be repeated speaks both to our depth of relationship to others, to anti racism, as well as our expectations.
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I just read the post again about intimacy and marriage that Marlise mentions. It is true. We love the honeymoon stage and then don’t want to do the day-to-day work that makes a relationship work. Repetition is the best way to learn things.
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thank you for bringing this back to our own praxis – to remember that our work is also to find new ways to say the same thing. over and over again. *relentless* reliability
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I have engaged financially for June. I feel for Lace having to do these asks. I find it epically hard to ask for money. If someone owes me money – I find it nearly impossible to ask for it. Sales is not my special gift.
It is hard to get wp people past the honeymoon phase. The new and shiny phase of anything is exciting. The actual work part usually isn’t (for most people) as much. I find that there is a lot to learn if I keep looking. There is something new I can learn every day. The comments change all the time and there is a lot of eye opening information there too.
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I was thinking as I read this about the fatigue of the ask and the weight of the repetition and yet the necessity of it.
It isn’t the same thing at all, but that got me thinking about resilience and reliability and the resilience and reliability of the white folks in racial justice work.
Here, the nature of what we do requires repetition. Not ‘writing lines’ or memorizing catch phrases, but repetition both in the way we do the same exercise over and over in each post and also the repetition we notice when many of us feel we are making similar observations to one another.
And what is so often the outcome? The repetition becomes tedious or burdensome. The weight of doing this same work over and over feels heavy and we start to tell ourselves it may not be necessary after all.
And there is the difference. It lies in power and privilege, in choice and in impact. For you, dear Lace, the repetition is necessary – because it is now your livelihood, yes, but also because the sustainability of this space is your (our) Western Star. The work you do here is so crucial, that no matter how heavy the burden, you must bear it. It needs to be that way for me too.
If I have days where I feel that this repetition has become tedious or heavy or burdensome, it is important in those moments that I (already) share your urgency so I will follow your example in reliability. So often white folks do not, because we keep it in the back of our minds that we don’t *have* to.
**I do know this comparison breaks down in so many ways so maybe I would have been better not to use it. I know that I cannot and am not comparing the ways the ask is harmful for you, Lace, to write – with the ways it can be difficult for me to confront habits of white supremacy within. I only wanted to trace the thread on reliability, because so often, white folks in racial justice work are not.
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I think too about the idea of repetition in terms of building habits and in terms of internalizing and having it become ingrained. We are often trained into thinking repetition leads to boring and that we always need exciting and new. I think of the relational piece where the mundane and daily IS what makes relationships exciting and treasured. I think of the repetitive training done to learn how to scuba dive so that in an emergency you instinctively do what is required to live – that you have “muscle memory” that kicks in and bypasses the panicked brain. I need that type of repetitive training so that I instinctively react in a way that centers the North Star. So that I habitually engage each month and then use the ask as a reevaluation to see where and how I can dig deeper and engage again, engage differently, engage meaningfully. If I have built my engagement muscles well, it does happen “automatically” and then also allows for reflection on my why of engagement and on where I can continue to look for ways to expand my engagement. I have not directly engaged with each of the monthly partners every month, but some of them are ones that I now engage with monthly. Organizations I never knew about except for the fabulous asks. And each time I have added to my engagements, I find I am not lacking anywhere else. I started with one monthly engagement and it has grown to 5 different monthly engagements. And we still eat. We still have a roof over our heads. Our bills are paid. And so, I find a way to increase the engagement again. Through the repetition of the ask. Through the repetition of the engaging. Through the repetition of us having some of the same conversations, sometimes in the same ways, sometimes in new ways. That repetition is habit forming. I like the habits I am forming. Still much more growth to happen, still more engagement to develop, still more walking to do. Extremely thankful for the community to do it all in. So, I have enagaged this month and will continue to do so.
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I financially engaged in early June and I am awaiting the day that this all gets boring. I am awaiting the day that I read one of these posts or what one of you say and don’t wince or am unable to think of an example in my own life or I am simply unable to pivot to race because all the harm I have done has been mitigated. Appreciating you walking with me as we, hopefully, steadily begin to mitigate the harm we do to brown and black people.
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I don’t know what it was like at LOR before Black Spring. I was part of that surge, and while there are others still here from that surge, the vast majority of the surge is gone. It’s a — fantasy, delusion? — a part anyway of wh supremacy in progressive wh people that justice doesn’t need to be sought every single day. I suppose that’s because we experience justice every day; injustice seems a one-off to us. An occasional George Floyd… We simply don’t believe the litany of injustices spoken to us by Black and brown people. Wh supremacy has taught us that the only reality is what we as wh people experience; everything else is either justified or fiction.
What I can do, is keep going. Keep becoming antiracist, every day. Keep showing those around me that racial justice is something to practice, every day. And keep engaging with Lace on Race, every day. My June commitment went in on the first.
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I joined LoR just after George Floyd’s murder as well. At that time, like what you said about white people not believing the injustices, I couldn’t understand how it could have happened. I’m grateful that I found LoR and learned the truth because we are asked to do things differently and that’s made the difference of seeing the truth and walking away versus building muscles individually and collectively to stand up to that violent truth that racism is killing people everyday. Financial engagement with LoR and other BIPOC organizations is part of those muscles.
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“It shouldn’t be so hard; we shouldn’t have to endure the fickleness and the intermittency of those whose full throats suddenly closed. It has been hard, so hard, for us.”
I have seen your pain over these months, Lace; have ached alongside you through this crucible; have gritted and grimaced at the ws implications of decreased engagement since your retirement; have wearily seen as flash flames flickered low then out only to move to the next flash of the day.
Have engaged since the first. As always. Will continue to walk and engage and encourage others to do the same.
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I want to keep the lights on at LoR and I also want everyone’s lights to be kept on. I’ve financially engaged at the beginning of June because hanging back or waiting for Lace to ask isn’t living out what I believe in. Waiting, watching, and demanding that Lace says things in new ways exploits Lace in the ways that I say I’m here to stop.
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I am thinking about how our financial engagement goes to community partners as well as to LOR. keeping the lights on in more than one place
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I’m engaged for June. Like Rhonda, I have never found things boring here. And yet, my attention has wandered lately. This has everything to do with my privilege, and the fact that this can just be one interest among many for me. It has to be more than that, though. I need to continue learning to walk, and I need to show my children how to walk.
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