Daniel, it seems that you found out I am totally blind and therefore may think I am weak or need to be handled with kid gloves, or that my vision of Lace and this community is distorted somehow. But I am here to tell you that I see you, we see you, for who you are, what you are doing in the predatorial tactics of stalking, triangulation, and continuous engagement after seeing that you were gone, all neatly disguised under the shag rug of the nice white guy cover-up – well, unfortunately you are copying straight from the pages of the white supremacy playbook and we see right through it. Please refrain from privately contacting me or anybody else in the community. You are a predator. You are not the type who comes in with guns blazing, but rather you operate with cowardice and random attacks, first towards the whole community and now with the shifting tactic of contacting individual members. And I have to say, you wouldn’t be continuing to engage if you didn’t think there was anything to this community. As I said before, you also have shrunk away from every invitation to share your ethos and values, and how you are living up to who you say you want to be.
The above post is exactly how I would engage Mr. Werner. His attempt to contact members of the LoR community may seem benign on the surface, but it is indeed predatory, and, as stated above, is a triangulation tactic that is the epitome of white supremacy4 That is why doing what Mr. Werner did is against the guidelines. The work of antiracism involves bringing things into the light, essentially, calling a thing a thing. While we should always practice kind candor, I feel there are situations where a slow and gentle approach is best, and at other times, a more firm stance is needed. However, it is a delicate balance and involves unlearning the tendencies of white supremacy which teaches weaponization and violence instead of kind candor. I still have much work to do. I am grateful to be walking here.
Triangulation is a manipulation tool used to pit people against one another, which is exactly what we see here. It’s a reason some of the things we repeat here a lot are about being eye-to-eye, making what’s covert/hidden, overt/addressed. I can’t be in true or real relationship with anyone unless I’m those things, especially with people of color around me. whyte supremacy is full of hidden agenda’s, code switching, and manipulation. I’ve seen those things in my own behavior, things I have to look my own self eye-to-eye about.
Yes, white supremacy is all about indirect attacks, no courage or vulnerability, just cowardice and self-preservation and defensiveness. I have seen some of these behaviors in myself. One of the hardest things is to engage in conflict or confrontation in the light, walking eye to eye, holding ourselves accountable. Yet, the practice of antiracism means engaging in this way. Antiracism cannot be achieved through triangulation, manipulation, indirect engagement or threats, because those are harmful and non-inclusive which is the opposite of an antiracist approach.
well said. Holding our own hands well so that we can hold others with hesed kindness + accountability. I can certainly find that cowardice and self-preservation in myself too. equally important to treat myself with hesed as it is others.
Divide and conquer – making people turn against each other – is a tactic of division and conflict. Even assuming he means well, this sort of saviorism is so toxic. Assuming he knows better than Kelsi is so dehumanizing.
It is amazing that he expects us to trust him over Lace when he hides and hides and lurks for a year and when he sort of kind of shows himself, he continues to hide while Lace looks us in the eye and lets us into so many places in her life, into beautiful cherished moments and moments of vulnerability and regret. I am thinking about how Lace has talked about how hiding ourselves and hiding our motivations and erasing our comments and not letting the community see us is part of us holding back, part of us keeping a foot out the door so we can run back to our white supremacy when we are challenged.
It forces me to ask myself the question. How to I ensure that I am not divided and conquered? Am I unwilling to engage with other white people on the topic of what happened at the Academy Awards because I am not black and have no right to say, or is that simply an excuse and I have been divided and conquered again?
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