Yo… it’s Julie. Happy spring to this wonderful, vibrant community! A toast to vaccines and herd immunity being a real possibility. I still can’t quite imagine what indoor concert venues, theatres, and all types of face to face interactions will look and feel like again. 

Most importantly, cheers to agency, volition, reliability, resiliency, kind candor, durable love and all the walking ahead of us. The racial justice change we hope and wish to see, becoming an individual and collective reality.

I’ve struggled with this piece for a variety of reasons – these last few months for me have been pretty icky. My anxiety and depression have taken up more space than I anticipated, and stress has been a constant companion. 

For those who know me, I’m a light-hearted person. I have a big heart, generous spirit, I’m a workaholic and a total introvert. I love to make fun of myself. Gifts are my love language, and I’m a shopaholic accordingly (my husband’s shaking his head at me right now, heh). I bite off more than I can chew (literally and figuratively), lead to serve, and I’m usually the one to point out the elephant in the room. I’m a work hard, play hard kinda gal. And I absolutely spike my own punch to loosen up. 

That said, my story is pretty dang white. All kinds of white actually – white-splaining, white-washing, white-saving, white-affected, white-performative, white-supremacy, white-advantage and pretty much every other white adjective that comes to mind. I have led an extremely privileged, blessed life; even my hardships are super white. 

The biggest reason this piece has been hard for me to write is because I’m white. The white supremacy soup I bathe in when talking about my hopes and vision – it’s steeped in advantage. Most of what I have set out in my life to achieve, I have. And I realize I have succeeded because of a system that benefits me; where the Other has failed and remained oppressed because of it. 

I have no idea how to transition from the heaviness I feel about this and tackle this next part, so I’m going to go with the “KISS” approach – Keep It Simple, Sexy. 

Vision: To serve and love others with durable, Hesed love.

Corresponding Hopes: 

1. The good days outweigh the bad ones for you and me.
2. That I prioritize, uncenter and recognize every day that mitigating and lessening harm endured by Black and Brown people perpetuated by me creates a better, more equitable day for the Other and me.
3. I can and will change the world by changing myself.

One of my “isms” that I cleave to is always be learning – to be a good student. Learning about my whiteness and all its many manipulations and forms has taught me how to love and serve others more durably, including myself. There’s a significant difference between romanticized feelings and relentless reliability. It’s shown me how to relinquish power instead of holding it. I understand true, actionable growth is required to not just be a well-read racist. 

As a result, I’m growing every day in my ability to understand my whiteness and leverage my privilege to amplify and benefit Others. These tools Lace provides and teaches me to utilize grow unimaginable gardens – the soil is rich, the fruit is plentiful, the flowers are gorgeous. And these gardens are more beautiful and delicious than anything I’ve ever seen because they are equitable. Because we tend and root and weed and uproot eye to eye, always. I’m changing the world by the way I choose to see and act; it’s always Hesed.

In closing, Lace recently shared her pain and ineffable sadness by coming across the death of an unknown man in a pothole on her block, which happened to be on the anniversary of the death of her 27-year marriage:

I wrote as part of my response: “Blessings, laughter, joy, fear, anxiety, grief, harm, violence, ineffable sadness, love, hate – emotions that weigh us down, deeply hurt and scar, betray us, isolate us, brighten our days, feed our souls and then define our walking and purpose, our hopes and dreams, the change we influence in both ourselves and others.” And this piece was born. 

I’ve learned all of this in the past year at Lace on Race (in only ONE year) – I’m choosing durable love in all emotion, even the slosh, and walking with more reliable and equitable purpose, hope and vision because of it. 

I look forward to walking in continued solidarity with each of you. 

So, I raise one more glass and say “cheers” to the continued growth I see, in me and you, this year, next year and 3-5 years from now – North Star, front and center.

Join the discussion in the Bistro.