The Sixth Tenet is the culmination of this series, and is the reason we do the work.
I have said this before, but it bears repeating: whatever knowledge you glean or growth you experience here at Lace on Race (and if you choose to reliably follow our prescriptions, you will indeed gain in knowledge and growth) is secondary, always secondary, to why you are doing the work, and, crucially, who you are doing it with and for.
I want to be clear. There is nothing wrong with taking the principles and precepts and ethos of Lace on Race, and applying it to your life. I am confident you will gain dividends.
Doing this work; writing, creating videos, researching–all of it has changed me. I am a different woman than when I first began Lace on Race. All to the good.
But my knowing more, my thinking more, my writing more, and having more of my mug on your screens has not been the only thing which has changed me, and certainly not the most important.
In 35 years of change work (um, WOW), almost four years almost exclusively here at Lace on Race, I hope I have ‘gotten it in’ enough to be a reliable fellow walker, and humble guide with all of you. I hope that my different (sometimes quite different) ways of thinking and tying only seemingly disparate threads together to forge a new message and method have had staying power.
I hope that my words and my videos have had and will have heft and durability; that people will be reading and watching long after I am gone.
I hope the interior work I have done, and modeled to you all, has been fruitful. I hope I have internalized what I have researched and synthesized and have brought to you are of value.
I hope that I ‘get it right’.
But not just ‘get it right on paper’; the intellectual and the academic, while crucial to this work, is woefully insufficient by itself.
What I need to be asking myself daily, as I open another book, or fire up my Kindle, or listen to a podcast, or watch a video, all in service to my Getting It In, is this: why am I doing all of this? For whom am I expending all of this effort?
It’s a crucial query.
Dear Lord, how I love learning. There is nothing I love more than a steaming mug of Harney’s cinnamon tea beside me, as I have two laptops open with dozens of tabs each, a Kindle, several hardcover books, as I pore over and over, looking for connections others might have missed, then sitting and contemplating the best way to present the material, and then working and reworking essays and videos that are hopefully not only informative, but also encouraging, sometimes even inspiring.
Again though, not enough. Mostly, mostly–I hope they are galvanizing.
For me.
And then for you.
Why?
Because while it is deeply important that I Get It In myself, I need to be able to be ready to Take It Outside.
While I am indeed a fan of learning, I am not at all here for mere intellectual, or even internal, masturbation.
Here at Lace on Race, we talk a lot about quadrants: Let’s look at one here. This is from the presentation which focuses on the Tenets, and which we make available to groups and organizations.
There is, for most of us, something of a tension between these two elements, particularly in change work, more specifically, in racial justice work. We saw it acutely during the Black Spring of last year. People felt a strong sense of urgency, *or* they felt a strong pull toward the gathering of knowledge.
This is a part of immaturity, which is an anti-attribute that most people brought to the work last year, and, concerningly, an anti-attribute most still bring into the work.
Wrapping one’s head around the conviction that more than one idea can be held at the same time–even seemingly dissonant ideas–is a mark of maturity; the willingness to Do and to Be at the same time is not something that our culture teaches us.
You are either an extreme rock climber, with the attendant dare-devil spirit, or you are a quiet cardigan-clad student in a musty library filled with dusty books.
Each cohort, one scaling the wall at the gym; the other, red rimmed and hunched over text, gives side eye to the other. Each is convinced that theirs is the (only) correct method, and neither shows either the curiosity and humility–more hallmarks of maturity–to see how the Other’s method, applied mindfully, could very well enhance their own.
Urgency and Knowledge are both needed for this work. We absolutely do need to feel a burning to do it now, not wait; but we also want to be mindful and knowledgeable, working with all deliberate speed, not just in academic/intellectual knowledge, but also in emotional and relational skills. The next slide will show the possibilities.
Most people who say they are doing this work with intention begin at either the top left or on the bottom right. (I used to say that nobody doing change work was ever in the bottom left, but I have amended my position on that. We can talk about that quadrant later, but for now let’s focus on these two.)
While there are indeed some benefits to being a power burner (upper left) or a simmer burner (bottom right), neither, on their own, will serve up nourishing meals.
But these two quadrants are where so many of us find ourselves stuck.
It’s important to talk about dysregulation of the feeling states which I feel drive both incomplete quadrants. Both are often responses to anxiety: the microwave wants to do something, *anything* to bring activation down, so *doing anything* becomes the focus. Often without historical context; often without real consideration of the people they swear they are scaling the (fake) mountain with and for. The thing about high adrenaline actions is that, yes they provide the dopamine hit in the moment, but it dissipates. So, one either goes for one rush after another, or abandons the work completely; going up and down faux hillsides gets old after a while, particularly when there are no intellectual/theoretical foundations to undergird.
By contrast, the crock pot, also as an attempt to quell anxiety, is doing all they can to keep it ‘low and slow’, missing critical moments; gathering ever more head knowledge with no idea or inclination toward application; becoming, as in the Vox article, becoming ‘well read racists’.
Both stances are immature. Neither stance is Growing Out. Both positions are, at their core, individualistic. Scaling peaks just to say you got there; hoarding knowledge with no sense of the compelling to share what has been learned, are both, at the end, self serving and self-absorbed exercises.
WE NEED BOTH.
We need to cultivate fast twitch muscles, yes–but married to a durable and reliable core.
We need to learn how to simmer, to gather the tools for our toolbelt, but not for their own sake. We do indeed need to learn how to become ‘sleeper cells’–but we must never ourselves slumber.
So yes, the upper right quadrant is where it’s at. But we cannot simply jump there. We need to go diagonally.
Those prone to the frantic pushing of microwave buttons need to move down and right. Bolstering the pull to action is what (authentic) knowledge can bring.
Note that I said ‘authentic’ (I will say it for the simmer burners too, don’t worry).
Firstly, we need a historical knowledge that brings context and nuance to any actions we may take.
I am writing this on Indigenous People’s Day–a day steeped in its own baggage of the toxic performative. I have seen post after post this weekend of people stating on whose Native land they live and work. Is this action?
It is great to know you are on Lakota, or Luseno, or Choctaw land. It can be an act of acknowledgment and humility. It can be. But is the declaration itself an action?
And if we come to the conclusion that yes, it is an action, the second, crucial, better question must be forwarded–who is the action *for*, exactly?
If nothing of substance has changed after literal or metaphorical sweat has been expended, what was the point of the action?
And this–after the declaration of acknowledgement, what are next steps?
(At this point, it would be easy indeed to digress. Other than the name, easily obtained by Google, where is the context and dynamic in the here and now? What are the demographics of the zip code now? Are there any Native populations still living in your zip code in the here and now? How about the Native population of your workplace, and worship spaces, and circles of influence? Is just only ‘naming’ an action steeped in solidarity or supremacy? Is ‘naming’ just another way of trumpeting spoils and plunder? Yes, we could indeed digress. But we won’t. For now.)
If the action contemplated and or executed does not result in the possibility of real and durable change–starting with your own choices: again, to whose benefit was it?
You simmer burners are no doubt nodding your heads in agreement. Because it’s a pretty fair bet that you *do* know at least some of the queries I posed above. You know about the Trail of Tears, you know the demographics, in the granular, of your zip code, and your whole County, in fact. You know at least some of the harrowing and racist history of the BIA (or at least you know what BIA stands for). In fact, consider the various rabbit holes that could, and maybe even did, take up your entire cloudy afternoon; Black migration; Chinese laborers on the railroads; you know if the dominant Latinx culture in your region is Mexican, or Dominican, or from Chile.
But do you know the history of your family? Do you know the year your parents, or your grandparents, succumbed to white flight? Do you know the year the restrictive covenant in the deed of your own property was rendered invalid?
Crucially, have you taken the knowledge you have gleaned and faced and focused outward? Have you used all this as foundational fodder, or is being a compendium of fun facts enough? Do you find the need to delve ever deeper into external details, keeping yourself at a safe distance from the facts (or what you think are facts) always on the tip of your tongue?
And this–have you ever flexed with your facts? Have you ever prefaced a sentence with ‘Well, actually’ to correct minor errors, especially to a BIPOC? Is it standing for and with to smugly remind people that it was the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965, not the other way round? And what have you done with this knowledge? Have you driven BIPOC to vote? Have you examined how you have either tangibly affirmed (or not) the Civil Rights Act? Where have you been in alignment? Where have you ignored, or made carve outs? How do you live out what you know?
My dearest simmer burners–At what point do you turn up the heat?
It’s comfortable to be a simmer burner. It’s warm being on the lower right of the stove, watching with detached bemusement as the microwaves and the power burners pop and sizzle (and, probably, eventually fizzle).
But you have a lot to learn from Power Burners. And they have a lot to learn from you.
Again, it’s neither advisable nor is it sustainable to race to the top right of the quadrant, if you’re a microwave/power burner. Nor is it wise or prudent for the slow cookers/simmer burners to leisurely saunter up to top right. Which is why simmer burners and power burners need to face each other. Learn each other’s strengths; allow your fellow walkers to fill in the holes of your own praxis. Can the power burner learn from the simmer burner without getting restless and bored? Can the crock pot learn from the microwave without getting activated and anxious?
It is not enough to walk shoulder to shoulder with your own quadrant. We already know that this work is not done in solitude, nor is it done well in factions. It is *only* done in a deep and authentic community. It is done with a teachable spirit.
And it is never done–this ‘advancing’ to the top right quadrant–as an end in itself. Every skill and attitude and conviction and application we glean from this walk must always, always, be subordinated to, and in deep alignment with, North Star ethos and praxis.
So yes, shout till you’re hoarse. Blow out your flip flops. Study till you come up for air at 3am. Navel gaze at all the implications.
I have. I have done all of these things. I have testified. I have risked bodily injury. I have stayed up, bleary eyed, reading yet another article, making yet another revision. I have debated with friends, acquaintances, and detractors, both online and in ‘real life’. I have used actual and metaphorical fast twitch muscles. I have held my ground cross legged and still and silent on hard wet pavement.
But not for any of the above’s own sake. Always with an eye to the long game.
So must we all.
To the power burners and to the simmer burners: meet in the middle. Meet eye to eye. Then with all deliberate speed, and absolutely shoulder to shoulder, walk with relentless reliability, together, to the top right.
The quadrant of solidarity and sustainability, inextricably fused with our North Star.
Self-assessment: I find myself in the top left quadrant with ‘like minded people’: ranting and raving at the state of the world. Allowing myself to complain about people who don’t believe in system racism and generally talking bad about those people. When I am alone, I am a sine wave, oscillating between the bottom right and the top right quadrants. I saunter along, engaging with people who say or do problematic things, remaining engaged until… the discomfort is too much for me and then… what’s the saying “if the it’s too hot get out of the kitchen or something like that?” I get out of the kitchen and go right back down to the bottom right quadrant because I have no idea how to ‘get it right’ and ‘make a difference’ and ‘mitigate harm’ so I must have to learn more! I see that as one of the worst failings of white women – that we get to the top right quadrant for a little while but as soon as something doesn’t go right we are right back in our original quadrant. I want to live the North Star more and more – not just learn it. But that will mean that I have to start telling my stories more – what I am saying and trying out here in the ‘real world’ to see how it lands with you all so that those of you in the other quadrants can point me in the direction of the top right quadrant and minimize these oscillations.
Such a good point how when the discomfort of engagement becomes too great (hmmm, easy to see who’s comfort I’m prioritizing there), it’s then I’m most likely to default back to those gaining knowledge/learning modes as a defense mechanism. I can certainly find myself in that.
Such an important observation how white women like us are all too ready to drop down to the bottom right until we think we “got it right “ (hint: we’ll never get it right on our own). When what we should do is continue to hold both the be and the do at the same time. To continue to grow with all deliberate speed toward the top right instead of sacrificing an axis when the other makes us uncomfortable
It’s striking to me to realize/remember that getting it right and getting it wrong are both common excuses for getting out of the game. I do my one good deed for the day and let myself off for the rest. I make a mistake and I nope right on out.
But… if I’m in some sort of interstice between getting it right and getting it wrong… where even am I? And what possible good is there in being there?
So, good points on both ends of this, @Christin and @rhonda. I feel like, I need to try to be in the getting it right field as a continual state of being, not a one and done accomplishment, and if that means suddenly finding I’m doing something wrong, then I need to make something out of being there, and work my way back toward doing things right, rather than coasting along in doing neither right nor wrong, i.e., doing nothing.
I view it like Lace’s both/and instructions – to jump in and engage in the feed while simultaneously doing the pinned posts. It is important to get it right. But it’s dangerous to wait on the sidelines until we think we’re fully “right.”
This connection to “both/and” really feels like it hits the mark for walking towards the top right quadrant. If I’m walking here reliably then I should have the knowledge base to bring it into action. Sometimes something comes up and I feel under pressure and can’t remember some of the knowledge or history and it makes me freeze. I have to remember that if I stay in the relational and focused on the North Star and act, I should be able to lessen harm.
What leaps out at me here is “until WE think we ‘got it right’”. Do I get to say when I have “it” “right” so that I can finally act? If “it” is “my understanding of/work toward racial justice,” is that something *I* get to judge as a white woman, assessing my own behaviour/understanding? For me, I do not think “getting it right” should typically look like me alone with my reading (though very occasionally it might).
“Getting it right” is situational and involves other people and does not happen in perpetuity – it’s not like it’s possible to have an understanding or beahviour labelled “right” and coast on that forever. The relational tools are key, but I don’t have to have all the answers or total comprehensive knowledge to engage and act.
Rhonda, I really appreciate the nuance and sine wave imagery here. It has me thinking about the amount of oscillating that happens as we keep walking, and I’m thinking about small tweaks too because my tendency as a microwave is to move in bigger bursts… and I’ve been learning that smaller corrections, noticing smaller moments of discomfort and adjusting so that I don’t back away or have to step away for long… as I type I’m wearing this splint on my wrist and having to take things slower than normal… so yes, I’ve been thinking about pacing and Lace’s words: All Deliberate Speed… she recently asked me which of those words is most important for me, personally. It caught me unaware and made me laugh because for me it is absolutely “Deliberate” that I have to work on – all speed isn’t a problem – until I end up with a splint like the one I’m needing to wear from going too fast, holding too much and ignoring pain that now needs more attention.
So this has me thinking about how to move with urgency and knowledge, paying attention to the internal cues for when I need to slow my pace so I can gather and have the internal and physical capacity to respond to the needs in my communities. I’m curious how you’re noticing your own oscilating, and what helps you move more consistently into the top right quadrant?
Ooof, what you’re saying about top left quadrant with “like-minded people” is too true. It’s the land of too-clever memes and commentary. It’s so easy to point fingers and say, “What about *those* people?” rather than look inward or face the racism of our own groups or change the policies or have the conversations with *those* people.
I tend to be a simmer burner with occasional pops of power burner activity. I absolutely see both of these as efforts to reduce my own anxiety as you say Lace.
I *want* to get it right. To be a safe-ish (or safe-er every day) companion and friend. But I think also lot of times I still want that for ME. In Swahili, the verb “to want” sounds very similar to the word for trash and to remember it, I did a little word association where I told myself “to want is garbage.”
I was raised to confront want vs need in a similar way to how Lace asks us to confront and interrogate our “can’t’s vs won’t’s”. And in my family, needs were mostly met and wants – well, we often (not nearly always) went without those.
I’m digressing a little bit here but when I typed above that “I want” to be this type of person, ‘to want is trash’ just popped into my head and in this case, my want is sort of garbage. Because it’s for me, and probably more focused on how I’d like to be seen. And a never ending focus on myself will be a barrier to my ever reaching the top right quadrant – or to ever becoming safe-er or safe-ish for anyone.
Slowly (as a simmer burner would do), I am changing some habits which is helping me to continually shift my focus. North Star, North Star, North Star…… One of those habits is assumption. I approach almost every situation, assuming I understand what’s happening – or knowing a few facts, my brain fills in the rest and I press on. Curiosity is a newer effort for me and I think one of the antidotes to assumption. So I’ve been working on my curiosity and my listening and my questions.
Not curiosity for learning sake alone though – not curiosity to go get my nose in another book and keep simmering. I’m becoming more relational as I practice my curiosity with others. And that opens doors – to teach, to learn, to invite, to hold and support another. To grow out.
I like how you point out the way wanting to be a particular type of person is all too easily trash and self-focused. So is anxiety, that bugger that gets in the way for me too. Anxiety’s job is to keep me alert, aware, observant, all necessary things to make action effective, and poignant, but left simmering and without action it so quickly becomes only self-serving and for me.
I am realizing that there is another thing that I do that I think might be lower right quadrant that I want to be overt in this space and let you guys call me in/out about. I stay private about what I am doing. I haven’t even told leadership that I have been asked to mentor, befriend, be a support to a 7 year old African American young lady who has lost both her parents. She is amazing. I love her. And, I am consistently afraid of doing, of saying, the ‘wrong’ thing. I think I am in the top right quadrant right now because I have engaged in this relationship, and my white woman self is so afraid of not being perfect that I haven’t told this community about this relationship because I don’t want to look bad if it doesn’t go well. Especially if it doesn’t go well really fast…
Yeah. I am struggling right now with her interest in white princesses and Disney characters. She loves Frozen. There aren’t many role models for her. I couldn’t bring myself to buy her a t-shirt with Ariel, the mermaid on it. I told her the truth. I think she is gorgeous and the idea of buying her a t-shirt where people would first look at a red-haired white lady’s face before looking at her beautiful face really upset me. Especially a red hair white lady who gave up her voice to try and get the attention of some man! I am not entirely sure that was the right thing to do. At least she wants to be Audrey from the Descendants for Halloween. Audrey is the bi-racial Descendent…
Rhonda, thanks so much for letting us know about this mentoring role you’re taking on. I’m trying to get rid of the word perfect from my thinking… to just acknowledge that I’m working on having a deep and intentional praxis AND I’ll mess up, and then I’ll seek forgiveness and make amends, and keep going. I’m seeing this in so many parts of my life where letting go of trying to have it all together or think far enough ahead is a roadblock to actually showing up.
I also echo Dani’s words about being mentored while you are mentoring another person is such a wise choice. Can you share more about how we can support you in this new role? Sending love to you.
I also love that you are being honest and overt with her about Disney princesses and letting her know how beautiful she is. I’m excited to hear more about your friendship.
Your “to want is trash” mental nudge really resonates with me. At a number of times in my life I’ve found myself wanting something, and feeling either dissatisfied or regretful or guilty that I didn’t have it or didn’t embody it or… etc. And I’ve had to have a talk with myself about, what IS it to want? Is this who I believe I should be, or is it just something shiny I’m envious of? Is it something I am willing to work toward, or is it something I’d like to just fall out of the sky upon me? Because… envy and gazing into the heavens aren’t… actually productive. So I need to either make it so or let it go. Being dissatisfied at not having something i’m not willing to work for is… pretty silly.
So I’ve gotten better at DOING instead of wanting, which is what I hear you saying here. Though I’m still not a master at it. But I find it particularly central to Lace’s image of… sizzle vs. substance? I have to have the knowledge to effectively do, but I have to do to make the knowledge useful. And every day, doing or not doing is my choice. I need to continuously make the choice that doesn’t leave me dissatisfied with who I am and how I’m helping.
Dani, as a fellow learner-by-word association, I really appreciate you sharing your want/garbage association here. Makes me think of a phrase my dad used to say to me often when I would give my various excuses for not making something happen that I’d said was important to me: “Good intentions are like crying babies in church; they should be carried out.” My inner child used to resent that so much, and I’d have a little tantrum every time– I’d think, “doesn’t he get that I wanted to make this thing happen and stuff got in the way?” which brings me to Lace’s teachings of can’t vs. won’t. I can appreciate now as a more mature adult that my dad was giving me a “rutabaga moment” — a moment of holding me accountable by reminding me of my own stated convictions that I wasn’t living up to.
As I’ve been learning and re-learning here, when I get defensive I’m usually reacting to truth that I don’t want to hear. And I usually don’t want to hear it for two reasons: 1) deep down, I really want to keep going on the way I have been (but just without anyone noticing and calling me on it) and/or 2) I feel guilty for not being who I say I want to be.
To want, and to have “good intentions,” is garbage. If I really want to be someone who walks by our North Star, then… kind of like Laura said, I’m not wasting my time on wanting and wishing for that without working to make it a reality. I’m spending my time working.
“Good intentions” can be so toxic because they’re so often held up as an excuse when we make a mistake, especially in racial matters. They allow us to avoid the bigger problems and stand in the way of genuine apology. I know I’ve had to stop and start over whenever I start an apology with “I didn’t mean to…”
I don’t know a lot of the history of my family, and I don’t know the year my parents or grandparents succumbed to white flight. Much of my family is from Detroit and now live in the suburbs. My parents relocated to a suburb of Chicago when I was a baby after my dad was transferred for his job. I’ve never inquired into many details beyond those, and certainly have not done so through the lens of race. In that way, I am a well read racist… I have the knowledge of the historical context around white flight from Detroit, but I don’t know specifically where my family and I fit within it.
My husband and I rent our home, as he is active duty military and we move every 2-3 years. I have definitely allowed this to be a carve out and give excuses/reasons like, “I don’t own my home so these things don’t apply to me” and “there are other ways for me to work on behalf of our North Star” I settle into my own simmering pace and keep myself comfortable by taking my time to get to know the histories of the different communities I live in. Which means I take my time to take knowledgeable, impactful action. I tell myself that my spheres of influence are smaller than they actually are, which is also a carve out. As a result I expend more of my energy on acquiring knowledge than on acting from it. It’s both/and.
Thinking about course correction and the question of how I live out what I know. Also thinking about how to balance knowledge and urgency so that I’m not driven by my own anxiety and therefore my own self interest. I’m having some clench in thinking through actions of course correction, so I’m going to interrogate that and my reactions to this post more deeply and return.
I appreciate what you are sharing here because I do know. I know that my parents followed the culture of the community. If you worked at General Motors, you lived in the city (Flint), until you made ‘management’, and then you moved to the suburbs. That part of the movie Roger and Me is true. So as time progressed, Flint became more and more black and the suburbs became more and more white. Weirdly planned white flight… The only black people I knew who lived in my neighborhood were upper management at GM. And blue collar white people moved to ‘semi-suburbs’. Thanks for reminding me of this.
So much to contemplate and consider here. To address the first question, when I think about what motivates me to do this work, love is what comes to my mind first. Equitable, meaningful, rich love, flowing freely, giving and recieving. Not the hoarding, clinging, selfish, whats-in-it for me, me-first whyte supremacy version of love that has a shiny veneer and rot inside. Not love with either/or’s but the both/and’s that Lace describes here.
In looking at the different quadrants, I can see ways I popcorn over all of them, but think I find myself most in the bottom right quadrant still too often wanting to ‘get it perfect’ and wanting to know exactly what to say. I’m a person who tends to engage with acts of service/doing or giving, some of that socialized, some of that because I like predictable outcomes and seeing a task completed or gift given.
I feel a lot more confident engaging now than I did when I first arrived, but while I feel like I know how to engage here, growing that outside of here I still see myself struggle. I do ok in places I feel more competency/courage (eg: the workplace, in friendships that share some like-mindedness, and in response to the broader community organizations/work around me), but less in the venues I lack that competency/courage (eg: in crowds, around people in power positions, in high conflict/argument/intellect situations…where it needs to be expressed, addressed, and stated the most). My lack of courage and fear of conflict still lead to getting stuck in moments when I want to be saying something but words don’t come.
I think one barrier I see inside myself to working through that better is Lace’s statement here “we need both”. I think I’ve been so hard trying to push against those impulses, judging them harshly that in itself has caused inaction (focusing on the thing you most desperately want to stop doing has a way oof emphasizing it). I do need the ability to listen, to take in what others are saying, to be with them in a felt sense (what I default to doing in those situations I lack confidence and courage). AND. respond. engage. By hating and focusing so hard on not doing one I’ve been stifling the other.
As I’m typing this, I’m listening to some ambient wave music, sitting next to my sister’s bed watching her slumber and her breaths in and out. I’m thinking about how breathing takes both an in-breath and an out-breath. So does the exchange of love I mentioned in my first paragraph. Breath in: being with/listening, taking in Breath out: responding/engaging/action. Not hoarding or holding one over the other but in equal exchange.
Yes Rebecca. Your closing paragraph reminds me of the straws and the mist conversation that Lace and Marlise had and we published.
We can’t wait for some mythical readiness before we act. But we are serving and being served. Holding and being held. Taking action while continuing to learn and grow.
Thanks, Lace. I am thinking you are especially referring to the graphic about permanent change? So my oscillations are probably part of that process.I am thinking I need to interrogate if it is a specific area of learning or relating,
Why am I doing all this (getting it in, self-education about race)? For whom am I expending all this effort?
I used to learn about race/history for myself, so that I could feel in control because, like many other white people, I felt like if I understood it, if I knew about it, then I could stand above it, outside of it, like some omniscient being and be unaffected by it. Like a God, I could watch things play out and because I understood what was happening, it would all feel under control. The level of harm would all be the same. The only thing that would have changed would be my comfort level. So in a way, I was educating myself in order to lower the sense of urgency that I felt, in order to settle more comfortably in the bottom right hand quadrant.
I have also spent time in the top left quadrant though and also in the bottom left quadrant. I am thinking also that if we looked at various aspects of the work, probably I have even been in all four quadrants simultaneously, depending on the aspect we’re talking about. For example, I could be in the top right quadrant when it comes to education, bottom right when it comes to housing, top left when it comes to hunger and bottom left when it comes to court stenography. I think that I am likely in all four quadrants simultaneously now though seeing where I am still in the bottom left quadrant is challenging. The ongoing task is to continuously pull more and more of myself along the diagonal and into the top right quadrant so that I am taking it outside reliably and knowledgeably.
Emily, I appreciate and can relate to this self-knowledge that you learned about race to lower your sense of urgency and settle more comfortably (less guiltily, more self-righteously?) into the bottom right quadrant. I relate to this ulterior motive of learning and even doing to maintain my comfort. The only counteraction I’ve found to this motive is embracing the relational. Delving deeper and deeper into my relationships, walking eye to eye with others, and constantly working to replace my individualistic, competitive, capitalistic worldview with this vision for “Beloved Community.” I have definitely regressed in this capacity recently and your comment is holding up a mirror to that.
Emily, thanks for explicitly stating that we can be in all quadrants simultaneously. One aspect of the LoR methodology that has been especially impactful for me has been naming specifically the problematic parts of myself so I can know them and then change them. To move myself toward the top right horizon I need to first understand that I am split across the quadrants
When I first came to LoR, I was in the middle left: super low knowledge and only just opening my eyes to the problem. My urgency and reliability have grown because of LoR. As has my knowledge. Though I feel I have further to go in the knowledge line. I love what lace says about the microwaves and slow cookers meeting in the middle and learning from one another. I think of all that I have learned from fellow walkers here and all the tools I have gained from their mentorship. And as we walk further into the top right quadrant, we do so with the North Star why on our lips: to lessen and mitigate the harm endured by Black and brown people, perpetuated by white people and white supremacy (including me)
I started my time here at LoR definitely in the top left quadrant, high urgency, low knowledge. When I think about the knowledge that I’ve gained here – the historical and also the relational knowledge that feels so crucial to actually being able to walk eye to eye with people I stand with and for… it has definitely tempered my microwave tendencies simply by knowing that my unreliability as a white woman is harmful, that slowing down and doing the internal work will make me more likely to live out these values in a true way.
A quote that stood out to me was: “Both stances are immature. Neither stance is Growing Out. Both positions are, at their core, individualistic. ”
This encompasses so much of what I’ve learned in my walking here.. to grow out is to become mature, to have humility and curiosity. It is to remember that one of the many ways white supremacy weaves its way into my life is through these myths of individualism and how those ideas only support top-down dynamics, a feeling of superiority over another. What I love is that in turning to each other, in being known in my messiness and in my lumpy crossings – that having the microwave and the slow cooker learn from each other… that we can integrate and expand, we can become the people we want to be, in service to our North Star. This community and vulnerability is something I’ve yearned for my whole life – I really didn’t think that I would find something – and more importantly, some people who would share their lives and struggles and hold each other as we all work towards the change we want to see. It has made me more courageous and also more humbled by the work that needs to continue to happen inside myself and out in our world each day. I have such deep gratitude for the space, for you Lace, and for each of you walking here. I keep walking.
I am a world-class navel-gazer. I dive down into the universe that is me and come up with such amazing things to wonder at. And I am ALWAYS hungry to learn more. To cram more and more shiny bits into the hoard that is my mind. I like to plunge my hands into them and let them run through my fingers. I like to weld them together into new and brilliant shapes.
So that’s great and all.
But… I’ve learned here to take a lot less pride in being… basically a dilettante of self-improvement and inner expansion.
I mean, I thought for a long time that the world was in fine shape and didn’t need me. If that were actually true, wouldn’t that be nice? I could creep back into my mind-trove and nap on my ideas contentedly.
Things being the way they truly are, it’s not that my bright and shiny mental treasures are useless, but they only have as much use as I put them to. And they could and should be doing so much more than providing a playground for my restless brain. And action undergirded with knowledge is the use I aspire to put them to.
I can use my thoughts and my way of shaping them in words to spread that wealth to others. Get them started on their path to the right and upward.
I can be sure to follow what I learn up with corrective actions, both in cultivating myself, not to be better, but to do better, to do less harm, and in voting for, speaking about, supporting efforts towards, and contributing my money/power to remaking my society, my city, my state, my country, and my world, into a less harmful place for Black and brown people to exist within.
I’ve found tools here to help me do this. But I can’t add them to my pile of inner treasure and let them rust there. Having them isn’t good enough. I have to use them to work outwardly. Not for praise or recognition or so I can avoid feeling guilty for not doing so. But for the sake of those who are harmed every day, because that is WRONG, and they are HUMANS like me, and things need to be MADE right. So I’m here to be part of the making. Upward and outward.
The white capitalist supremacy I am privileged within gives me every opportunity to stop no later than Tenet Five: Grow Up. The first five tenets are all about my internal work. Grow Out is about connection with and service to community – to others – and wh USAns like myself, we have all our privileged connections and expect to be served, not to offer service to others. If I am to walk with purpose and effect to lessen and mitigate harm to Black and brown people, all my internal work must culminate in Growing Out. I am strong in the bottom right – knowledge – and since joining LOR I have developed my skill and strength in responding with urgency to harms endured by Black and brown people, perpetuated by white supremacy and white people like me. I still love to learn, to get more and more information, but now I can’t and won’t substitute information for action that helps lessen and mitigate harm.
It also comes to mind that white supremacy also allows me the privilege to focus on my personality as a rock-climber or an academic, rather than needing to strengthen my weaknesses in order to survive in a hostile society. BIPOC do not have the luxury of specialization; they may need to call on rock-climbing or research, simmering or microwaving, whatever keeps them safer.
Christina, I love how you pulled out that the quadrants require we strengthen our weaknesses as well as our strengths because we need to be ready for how we might be needed.
Christina, you said “…but now I can’t and won’t substitute information for action that helps lessen and mitigate harm” and it feels like reminder that simmer burners (including me) need to keep walking towards the upper right quadrant. What you said about being white and privileged so that we can stop before this 6th tenet reminded me that because I’m not harmed by racism, it’s easy to learn and to say who I want to be but to simply stop after that. I need to be reminded of this over and over.
I can honestly say that the reason I am in this work is very much in alignment with the North Star. It is selfless in the sense that I understand that journey towards the North Star means, personal discomfort, loss of social privilege and requires sacrifices on my end. I do this because I am truly horrified at the historical brutality caused by my ancestors which was particularly inflicted upon Black Brown and Indigenous people all across the world. Of course, it doesn’t stop in “history” and is currently happening today in various different ways all over the world. I feel like I need to take responsibility for myself, my ancestors and my future offspring to make amends (or reparations), eliminate (or become as harmless as possible) harm towards Black, Brown and Indigenous people, stand up against white supremacy and help create a more just world.
With that being said, I am still trying to figure out this journey to get there and employing the 6 tenets into my daily life, particularly this sixth “growing out” tenet is wrought with personal challenges to overcome. I find it so interesting that literally the exact thoughts about my own challenges in doing the work get blown into the limelight and I become aware that I am not the only one who is in the position I am in. In all honesty, I really do feel like I have more growth that I need to do before I really am growing out consistently and reliably. I definitely describe myself in the bottom right quadrant with the absolute goal of making it into the top right quadrant. Speed matters and I do choose to keep going, keep crawling if I must rather than coming to complete stops, even when my capacity has shrunk. I am optimistic that in the crawling, I will be able to get back onto my feet, especially as I realize I am not alone in the walk, perhaps I may even be able to get to a steady jog, a place I have yet to experience.
why am I doing all of this? For whom am I expending all of this effort?
I’m doing this because I believe in racial equity and that I can contribute to achieving it particularly by following Lace’s method. I’m doing it for all BIPOC and always keeping the North Star in mind helps me focus and re-focus when needed. But how easy it is to let myself think that reading and commenting are actions FOR BIPOC instead of that they are gaining of knowledge and practice in order to act and to grow out.
I see myself moving between the power burner and simmer burner and sometimes withdrawing into my own comfort of the bottom left quadrant which means I’m not reliably doing the work or committed enough. How many times have I missed an opportunity and focused on me even though I have been doing the parts of the work in order to be able to put it all together but instead I let cowardice or supremacy sabotage it- too many times.
I’m recommitting to the work and especially to this tenet to take it outside in order to lessen and mitigate harm to BIPOC by white people (me) and white supremacy.
Our responses seem to have a pretty similar pattern so I completely relate. It’s an interesting place to be in, to know our strong conviction about racial justice but then recognize that there is still so much work and growth to do to truly live it out consistently. You highlighted an important point, even when I do become relentlessly reliable in engagement on Lace on Race, that it only means so much if it isn’t resulting in action that is taken outside of Lace on Race.
“…But how easy it is to let myself think that reading and commenting are actions FOR BIPOC instead of that they are gaining of knowledge and practice in order to act and to grow out.” Appreciate the way you phrased this! Doing the work here is the foundation for doing the work elsewhere.
I often find myself paralyzed in the bottom right. I consume and lose sight of the NS. When I do this, my personal growth becomes the priority and I can hide behind the work I’m putting in to get educated…i use that work as an excuse to stay safe on the sidelines vs lacing up taking informed action. In situations that require urgent action, I can resort to hand wringing, cowardice, and self protection…the desire to do more research and make sure I’m saying and doing the exact right thing takes center stage vs lessening and mitigating harm as it occurs. Who is this for? It’s the question I need to pose on a daily to spark the constant focus that will keep me on the right track.
I see myself in the bottom right-hand quadrant here. One of the many ways I benefit from learning from other people is to have these patterns of behaviour that I would not be able to identify laid out in pieces like this. And once the behaviours are named, I can strategize to avoid them and learn from others’ strategies and thoughts in comments. My tendency is not to act, or act slowly or late, so I can set reminders or goals to list actions for myself and track progress, while remembering that the action isn’t for its own sake, but a broader purpose. The knowledge will be most useful if it can be used to personalize (rather than used to distance myself or compartmentalize) and galvanize concrete, timely actions.
I also hear the points about how acknowledging different approaches can quickly become superiority or competition, rather than curiosity and solidarity. I may be able to build a more open learning mindset by more deliberately assessing different approaches instead of making snap judgments, i.e. Asking myself the harms and benefits of various approaches to a situation, starting with how well an approach could mitigate harm to Black and brown people, and considering how an approach differs from what I would initially think to do, and how that might change the harms and benefits. With some practice, I want to be able to do this type of assessment and move to action in a more timely way.
The North Star imagery is so useful because it really helps ground us in the why we are doing this work and for who. The reminder of the importance of both urgency and knowledge is the right and needed last tenant.
As someone who is good at book knowledge and generally not suited to social knowledge or ability, this has been such a hard but important lesson for me to learn in activism. I think a lot of the lower right attitude grows out of fear – What if I do it wrong? What if I hurt someone? But the fact is that if you don’t act on the knowledge, you can’t really internalize it or learn. And if you don’t use that learning to make change, what was the point of all of that knowledge? It just becomes something else you know. Knowledge without practice doesn’t really mean anything. I know that I’ve messed up, but it’s better to mess up than not move forward. Genuinely apologizing and finding ways to make amends is part of genuine relationship.
On the other hand, I’ve also see how that upper left hand corner can hurt people and block positive action. The urgency also ends up with people focusing on the “sexy,” most visible actions because it seems like they’re the ones with the most impact. So often, white people in particular want to take credit for that impact. But having big, visible actions without the appropriate foundation of more ordinary, maintenance actions (like fundraising, volunteer organizing, paperwork, administration) will collapse quickly. Also, if you don’t know what’s come before you, you can end up putting a lot of resources into something that another group is already doing and doing better. Or take the public attention away from a group run by the community you claim to be helping, without ever asking what they want or need.
Again, it really emphasizes the point of asking over and over, who really benefits from your action?
I often find myself paralyzed in the bottom right. I consume and lose sight of the NS. When I do this, my personal growth becomes the priority and I can hide behind the work I’m putting in to get educated…i use that work as an excuse to stay safe on the sidelines vs lacing up taking informed action. In situations that require urgent action, I can resort to hand wringing, cowardice, and self protection…the desire to do more research and make sure I’m saying and doing the exact right thing takes center stage vs lessening and mitigating harm as it occurs. Who is this for? It’s the question I need to pose on a daily to spark the constant focus that will keep me on the right track.
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