2 responses to “Dear Nice White People – Part 1”

1. 

   Emily Holzknecht

   April 20, 2021

   *crossposted*
   1. After thinking about this for some time, I think the most honest answer is I am afraid that other people will think I am wrong, wrong in what I say or wrong for saying anything at all. I am afraid of being perceived as wrong and of investing the time in convincing others that what I am saying is valid and should be considered. When I am avoiding speaking up because I am avoiding being perceived as wrong or I am avoiding investing the time to convince others that what I am saying is valid, then I am choosing my own comfort over Black and brown people.
   2. I am trouble thinking of an answer to this question when it comes to adults. In terms of children, particularly early in my teaching career, I have asked children including Black and brown children many questions that I already know the answers to. Later I learned how to teach in ways that are not non-stop quizzing and to manage behavior in ways that aren’t asking questions as a form of shaming such as “What were you thinking?!” or “What should you have done instead?” With the quizzing questions, I taught that way because that was what I had experienced of teaching, that it is a top-down method with the goal of getting preexisting knowledge onto blank slates. Later I came to better see the richness that children bring with them to school as well as their ability to create knowledge and culture rather than just absorb what already exists. With the managing behavior, shaming questions, I asked those sorts of questions because I was using poor relational ethics and power-over to force the behavior I wanted. Both of these types of questions impacted them by indoctrinating them into white supremacy culture as well as working to decrease a sense of self-worth.
   3. There have been so many times when I stayed silent when I should have said something. Most of these have not been big blatant in-your-face situations. The situation with Lace and Holly I did too little too late and that was a pretty big and blatant situation. Even in the smaller, less blatant situations my silence protected myself and the speaker/poster and white people in general while hurting Black and brown people either directly or indirectly because what was said was not disagreed with by me or more information was not given by me or those speaking up were not backed up by me. And sometimes I have realized later that a particular situation was one in which I should have said something and didn’t. Then it’s easy for me to shrug and say it’s “too late”, but in the future I must revisit it, re-bring it up however possible to address it even if it’s not the perfect moment to do so. It’s not too late. Or if for some reason it is too late, then I have to work on mitigating harm.

2. 

   Rebecca McClinton

   April 18, 2021

   There is so much packed in Austin Channing Brown’s article. Thanks for sharing, Clare, and encouraging us to consider these questions. (1) WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? In this work I think Ms. Brown hits the nail on the head when she addresses fear of conflict, fear of not being liked, fear of the destruction that comes with challenging systems. I’ve seen all those in myself. I’d add to that fear of exhaustion (being asked more than I FEEL I can give…a self-protective standpoint, and also linked to the fear of saying no to other things), fear of retaliation, fear of not knowing how to respond, fear of the public eye/media, and fear of hurting others (which I’ve learned here is really another self preservation to avoid the pain of disappointing). Engaging here has been SO helpful in working through these. The requirements here of engaging in each post thoughtfully, and having conversation with other walkers has really helped me push through those in a lot of ways, but there have still been times when I haven’t stood and spoken up or acted reflexively due to defaulting to the fears described above and I need to continue working at them. (2) WHAT QUESTIONS HAVE I ASKED BLACK/BROWN PEOPLE THAT I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS TO/WHY/HOW DID THIS IMPACT THEM? The first thing that comes to mind for me here, is that I’ve seen in myself a need for ‘hearing more’, as if all that’s been presenting and described isn’t enough. I shouldn’t need a shred bit more of info to believe every bit of what Black and Brown people say about their experiences. As to the ‘why’ of that, I think it’s self preservation again…if there’s some of it that’s not true that some of me I can let off the hook. As for how that lands and impacts Black and Brown people, I know how pissed I get when I’m not taken seriously, not believed or dismissed. It’s soul-crushing. (3) A SITUATION WHERE I STAYED SILENT/WHO DID IT HURT/PROTECT AND WHAT WILL I DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME? If I think about a theme/grouping of situations where I have stayed silent, three situations come to mind, one is when in groups, another when in a hurry (eg: when I’m scrolling and rolling on social media, and think I have to have just the right thing to say), and when it comes to humor/not calling out jokes. Staying silent in those situations protects me and/or ‘protects’ those saying/doing the harmful things from the accountability that is required. ‘protect’ feels like maybe not the right word, because it implies keeping safe from harm, when really accountability doesn’t ‘harm’ anything or anyone. It’s not whyte people that need protecting. Moving forward I will continue to work through those clenches and desire to say just the right thing. Too often that’s me working to word things to create the least wake possible, just another more sneaky version of avoiding responsibility on my own part.