Seventh Night of Hanukkah

BEING THOUGHTFUL ABOUT THE WORDS WE SPEAK:

“There is a great deal of Jewish commentary on speech—about gossip, shaming, lying, and more—and a verse from the biblical book of Proverbs warns, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” This may seem hyperbolic, until you consider this quote from Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel: “The Holocaust did not begin with the building of crematoria, and Hitler did not come to power with tanks and guns; it all began with uttering evil words, with defamation, with language and propaganda.”

8 NIGHTS, 8 JEWISH VALUES: REFLECTIONS FOR CHANUKAH ON THE JEWISH OBLIGATION TO BUILD A BETTER WORLD’ by Sarah Hurwitz

Much like the other nights, this Seventh Night commentary seems to speak to us very directly.

Here at Lace on Race we are all about words. Words said and unsaid; heard and unheard. We even talk about the white spaces between words. When words are what we have to share with each other, it is so incredibly important that the words we have at our disposal are gifts to be offered, not weapons to be wielded.  

We talk about this all the time, because so often, words are, at least, on the surface, undervalued. By now, we all know the lie that is embedded in ‘Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me’. 

By now, we also know how to be mindful and aware of the power dynamic regarding speech; whose words hold the most import; which words can be discarded. We know that words can be both illuminating and obfuscating. 

So at this point, we here in this community agree, at least in principle, that thoughtful speech is an imperative. 

There is more to it, though. 

On this seventh night of Hanukkah, we are joined on the journey by a counselor who has informed my walk for decades, Terry Real. We will  be hearing more from Terry next year, but for now, it’s good to note how Terry complements what Sarah Hurwitz is saying here.

Terry Real considers thoughtful speech to be a part of what he calls ‘an ethic of nonviolent living’. This means more than just the words we say out loud or commit to paper or pixels. Terry also includes our thought life. When he speaks of ‘being nonviolent between your ears’ that is stunning. 

Rarely do we do deep dives about what is going on within our heads. But our interior life drives our praxis in major ways. 

We know how to at least seem to tame the worst impulses of our interior lives. We know when to make our thought lives more palatable to those watching or reading. We’re skilled at it. We almost always employ this skill with superiors and peers. But when we are faced with a person who we consider lesser, our losing strategy of unbridled self expression is given life and power. 

So, now we see that it is more, far more, complicated than just being careful about what we speak. We need to careful and discerning about what information we allow into our heads; we need to be careful about the company we keep; we need to be sure we are offering gifts and not wielding weaponry, we need to insure that the words we say are true, necessary, and kind, we need to remember how our words land on others, and we need to, always, remember power and supremacy. 

And also this: we need to have a tough talk with the person who influences our choices and our behavior the most: ourselves. Our thought lives can either spiral ever upward, bringing us closer and closer to the people we want to be, or it can enable, even encourage, regress and relapse. If people could read or hear the running commentary in your head, would you be mortified?

So mindful and thoughtful speech includes the unspoken; includes the nonverbal; includes what we say to others, about others, and what we say to ourselves. 

Let our lips be always loving and never lashing. 

And another Seventh Night ends. 


8 responses to “Seventh Night of Hanukkah”

  1. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    The interplay between our emotional reaction, our physical reaction, our internal thoughts, and our words is such a good point. There are so many levels to “holding our own hands,” as Lace says. Cultivating ways of finding enough inner calm to be kind and brave simultaneously is essential.

  2. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    It is harder work not to think it, but the good thing is the more we work on not thinking it, the harder and deeper we can push into our prejudices and racism. It’s a lifelong thing, but definitely worth it.

  3. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    That quote about the Holocaust is so powerful. Violence always begins with dehumanization. And dehumanization starts with the words and the thoughts and the small ways we treat people as less than human. As for our thoughts, I’ve always struggled with not saying what’s in my head, so it’s been particularly important for my thoughts to match my values. One of the hardest and yet most important things for me to learn in my anti-racist walk is to question my assumptions. Why did I assume that this person has this job? Why did I assume that this person I’m reading about is this race? That’s led to me probing a lot of the foundations behind those assumptions that are awful.

  4. Valerie Polichar Avatar
    Valerie Polichar

    The Hebrew term for derogatory speech is “laShon haRah,” which literally translates to “the evil tongue.” It’s considered one of the worst sins and something we should be always watchful for. I appreciate what you have discussed here. I’m trying to learn to listen to myself ever more carefully — more importantly, to listen to myself before I even open my mouth. The concept you mention here of speech including the unspoken is one I need to keep in mind as I work to fight implicit bias in my own head. It’s easy not to say something. It is harder work not to think it in the first place.

  5. Emily Holzknecht Avatar
    Emily Holzknecht

    I just realized this morning that “mantra” is a religious word stolen from Hinduism and Buddhism and used here by me, a white person, for a purpose of my choosing. I should have used a different term. In future I will day “repeated changing of a chosen phrase” or something like that.

  6. Emily Holzknecht Avatar
    Emily Holzknecht

    Thoughts and words inform each other and inform action too. It isn’t just that thoughts come before words. It works both ways. And actions change thoughts and words too. They all egg each other on. So if I am angry and I start yelling, the act of yelling moves my brain further into fight mode and it becomes less easy for me to remove myself from anger to another state (wearing myself out doesn’t count). I am also strengthening the synapses in my brain that lead to anger and to violence so that in the future when I become activated, my brain is more likely to follow the path to anger and violence. If I do have to yell and I choose to use words to yell or if I dwell on angry words in my head or find someone else to commiserate with me and to validate my angry, violent thinking, then I am enforcing an angry, violent state, causing my thoughts to turn more hateful too. Hateful words, thoughts and actions all spin each other up into a frenzy.

    And thoughts, words and actions can all bring me to peace and calm and love too. A spoken mantra such as “choose love” repeated in a state of activation can bring my thoughts and actions to peace and love. Actions to change my brain chemistry such as smiling and forced laughter (probably not in front of someone if there’s a chance it could cause harm), breathing, shaking it out, tapping pressure points, etc can help change my thoughts and my words towards peace and love. Changing my thoughts to be generous with other people can influence my words and my actions to peace and love. And the more practice I get bringing myself from an activated state into a calm state, the stronger those synapses in my brain get so that in the future, returning to calmness becomes the natural path for the brain to follow.

    Nonviolent living is thoughts and words and actions all supporting one another. I am responsible for my thoughts, my words and my actions. I need to hold my own hand and use each other the three parts to bring the other two back to calm, back to generosity, back to nonviolence.

  7. Rebecca McClinton Avatar
    Rebecca McClinton

    “being nonviolent between your ears,” love that. It really reinforces that if I’m not changing my thinking I’m really just a bad actor. It’s when my thoughts are not in line with my praxis that the clenches and whooshes come for me. Thankful indicators, that things aren’t in alignment and I need to slow and catch my balance again.

    I read once how hurtful words are like nails in a fence, you can take the nails out of the fence but the holes are still there. No amount of “I’m sorry’s” can make that go away, only active repair to work to fortify the fence again.
    (crossposted to facebook)

  8. Christin Spoolstra Avatar
    Christin Spoolstra

    I love what Terry Real said (and I’m sorry if I mess up the quotation): the silent words between our ears. Our thought life matters. Our internal becomes our external. It’s why my relentless, reliable engagement in this community is so vital. Because it’s here that my thoughts are continuously laid bare and examined. It’s here where I come face to face what’s in my head and my heart and where I learn the tools to realign those to our North Star.
    (crossposted)

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