Fifth Night of Hanukkah

Uniqueness

“While human beings often manufacture identical products, according to Jewish tradition, God created each human being to be entirely unique. Whether or not you buy the theology here, you can appreciate the sentiment: There has never been anyone else like us and there never will be, and we each have a unique contribution to make to the world.”

8 NIGHTS, 8 JEWISH VALUES: REFLECTIONS FOR CHANUKAH ON THE JEWISH OBLIGATION TO BUILD A BETTER WORLD” –Sarah Hurwitz

Here, Sarah Hurwitz gives us a gift which is both encouraging and provocative. 

Our uniqueness is a gift which is precious indeed, but which also comes with responsibilities and obligations and callings uniquely our own. Even as we acknowledge and celebrate our shared humanities, our shared common story, our shared house, our collective path as we walk, still we are at the same time invited to examine, appreciate, and live out our individual histories and callings. We are not made in an impersonal factory, with one big machine stamping hundreds of millions of widgets at a time. No. We have been lovingly crafted. One by one by one. 

I think I mentioned this before: In my bedrooms, and in the hallway and kitchen and so very many in the workshop, Mr. Oakes made built in drawers. They look the same at first glance, but they are not;  each one is just a bit different from the others. You won’t notice till you pull them out to paint or clean behind them. Then, the drawers you only thought you could put back easily and mindlessly become a puzzle of sorts; you have to remember which drawer precisely fits each opening.

The differently cut spaces ensure that each drawer has only one cutout which fits. I used to laugh ruefully at his lack of standardization (and how many beers he consumed as he worked his Sawsall), but now, twenty years later, I see them with new appreciation. They’re bespoke! Just like the house itself.

Each drawer is made by hand, not cut from a machine. Each made with his daughter, Lucy Shaver, in mind as he cut and nailed and sanded. Now, these quirky, singular, individual drawers are mine to steward. Now, I see, more and more every day,  the love in the house he made for his daughter and her family. And for a woman–me–whom he never met but who every day enjoys the fruit of his labors. 

We’re bespoke too. It’s like Mr. Oakes made us each in his workshop. He made the cutout hole slightly different for each of us, and made a drawer for each of us alone. The cutout holes are our lives; the unique drawers are filled with what we amass in each of our lives which make us who we are. 

Here at Lace on Race, we come here gathered together for a shared purpose and ethos, one I would like to think that Mr. Oakes and his daughter Lucy would endorse were they with us in the living room that he built. And he would smile at us, at each of our drawers. He would see us, truly see us, and say something like, “I remember you! You’re the middle drawer on the left in the second bedroom! And you! You’re the bottom one, by the closet. You were tricky! But I fit you in! What fine drawers you’ve become! I made your drawers sturdy so they would hold all of your life. Show me how you decorated your drawer! Very elegant! I see Evelyn got a little handy with a bedazzler! I like it! Now go get your drawer and show me how you filled it! This is amazing! I could stay here all day just looking at what you have done with the drawers I made for each of you! 

Oh, someone is crying! I see your frustration, child, when you are trying to put your drawer away for the day and it doesn’t look like it fits. That’s because you are the one and only Ling, and Ling’s drawer won’t fit into the opening, into the life, that is really Olango’s. Find your life opening, Ling. I will give you a hint: it’s the one by the window because I know you like the sunset. 

When he sees us struggling with our individual drawers, heavy with the accumulated weight of life, I imagine him looking at us with kind eyes and stroking our faces with callused, yet gentle hands and saying to us: I built your drawer to be sturdy, but yours has weight that may no longer be needed. You need to be able to lift your drawer and I can see your knees buckling from the weight. Let’s look through it together; let’s see what you keep and what may need to be discarded so you can carry your drawer with lightness, and add new treasures. You can tell me the stories of all your things, and we will decide if they still serve you. Your life was not intended to be a junk drawer, sweet Christie. What is broken, what has pieces missing, what served you well years ago, but no longer does? Can you not talk about this item just yet? We will place it gently in the corner of your drawer till you can. I will be right beside you as you confront your drawer, and I will safeguard it when it goes back into your life opening. I promise. Your drawer will hold. And just in case, I always have my toolbelt. A gift! Here’s one for you too. 

Beloveds, everyone has a story which must be acknowledged and honored. The flip of this is that everyone has a story which must be faced and confronted and told. Even if only to one other person. Even if only to ourselves. Our singular lives live in the words, and in the white spaces, of our stories. 

There is an alchemy in the telling and hearing of each of our unique stories, whether or not these stories are told in a kind of unique narrative fashion, or if instead our individual stories sort of leech out of our pores, like a custom made fragrance. It is this fragrance, borne of ten thousand signature scents, in the house Mr. Oakes built, that infuses this space. 

Celebrate your uniqueness and honor the uniqueness of The Other. 

Mr. Oakes is smiling.

And the candles illuminate the Fifth Day. 


7 responses to “Fifth Night of Hanukkah”

  1. Shannon Brescher Shea Avatar
    Shannon Brescher Shea

    “The cutout holes are our lives; the unique drawers are filled with what we amass in each of our lives which make us who we are. ”
    This is such a good point about the uniqueness of each of us. We are who we are because of the place we are. I get really frustrated at the positive toxicity of statements about how ‘you are exactly where you are supposed to be’ because there are so many people who are in incredibly bad and harmful situations. No one should be in those situations.

    But there is such truth to the fact that where we are, where we’ve been, and who we are can’t be separated. We wouldn’t be who we are without what we’ve gone through. While most of the time we think of this in terms of trauma, it also applies to privilege too. I think white people often assume our privilege is the baseline or ‘neutral’ when it is anything but that. By not wrestling with our experiences, we overlook the advantages we got from that privilege and so write off others’ experiences of prejudice, especially Black people.

  2. Deanna Avatar
    Deanna

    *cross posted* I’m thinking back to Lace telling us we have to value ourselves while/so we can value others, and this ties in. I keep looking at the ways I’m not like others in this group and worrying about it, but I’m going to have to accept my uniqueness (and sort through my story) so that I can be ready to accept everyone else here and walk with you as you sort your own drawers.

  3. Emily Holzknecht Avatar
    Emily Holzknecht

    *crossposted*
    Our house has uniqueness to it too. Every day I enjoy the fruits of Mr Kamali’s labors. Mr Kamali’s granddaughter who grew up also in this house let us know recently that he passed away of Covid-19 this fall. I am taking a moment for his memory and to appreciate the bespokeness of the house he created for us without knowing that we would live here.
    While I am sure there are still parts of my story that I have difficulty sharing or difficulty confronting, I see my biggest challenge is in hearing the story of others, making space for others to tell their stories and honoring those stories. The alchemy Lace speaks of has two parts. If I tell my story, but I don’t hear and honor the stories of others, the alchemy will not happen. I especially need to make space for, hear and honor the stories of Black and brown people. Those stories will not be repeatedly pushed in my face by the media or other aspects of society and when stories of Black and brown people are more visible, they are likely to be skewed either by me or by other white people around them, to be incomplete and sometimes ever to be just plain incorrect. To hear, make space for and honor Black and brown people’s real stories requires more effort on my part including becoming a person who can be trusted with their stories. Walking here with LOR is helping me to become a person who can be trusted to make space for, hear and honor the stories of the Other.

  4. Rebecca McClinton Avatar
    Rebecca McClinton

    I resonate with the responsibility for what I keep in my drawer and what it serves. Is it a junk drawer where I store odds and ends like a raven known to steal shiny things, or things that ‘I’ll get around to someday’. Or have I carefully selected the contents to best reflect the morals and values I say I stand for and the people I stand with. Do the contents of my drawer make me safe for others to be around, to linger and feel welcome to share their own drawers and experiences? There’s some clutter yet to clear out of my drawer so it best reflects what I stand for and so I’m not distracted by it and can be safer still for others to be authentically held and walked alongside.

  5. Julie Helwege Avatar
    Julie Helwege

    Cross-Posted: Lace’s beautiful, poignant words went bone-deep for me tonight.

    The importance of my uniqueness and the uniqueness of others.

    A drawer built just for me, and how overcrowded it becomes when I try to fit into and be something or someone I’m not.

    When I hate myself (and my drawer) instead of loving myself. When I focus my time and efforts in the wrong spaces. When I’m racist and supremacist. When I get caught up in the gossip and the drama. When I harm and manipulate. When I’m sloshy and defensive.

    As I reflect on my words, I think about the life of my adult drawer – in my 20’s it was all about achieving, succeeding, having fun and throwing caution to the wind. I spent a lot of time trying to fit other’s expectations and cared most about the thoughts and feelings of others. I had to win and be right at all costs. I was headstrong as I jammed my drawer into Olango’s and Amy’s and Thomas’ spaces.

    As I sized up other drawers, I was indifferent to my own privilege. I could and would accomplish anything I set my sights upon.

    In my 30’s was marriage, international travel and an established recruiting career. I paid off my student debt and was able to fund my own wedding.

    I lost my Dad unexpectedly and my husband ended up in the ICU with a brain bleed all within one month of each other. My world shook and my view of myself and the world shifted.

    I uprooted my life and transitioned to a new city and home.

    I became more culturally aware and experienced/collected many things in my drawer.

    I saw a therapist. I cultivated and maintained deeper relationships and learned how to lead, influence and inspire.

    I grew to value the importance of great mentors and who surrounds you. I started to learn how to listen, care and love more deeply.

    Being liked and successful were still priorities, but I started to find my own way and find comfort and understanding in my own skin.

    I started to understand the puzzle that my drawer is unique, and it only fits in one place.

    I also started to realize inequality, faced some forks in the road in living out loud and valuing what I purported – integrity/honesty, not stepping on others to get ahead, putting the team first, building legacy, being a good student and leaning into generosity.

    And now my 40’s… these past six months at LOR have been by far some of the most impactful – I’m being less harmful and much safer. I’m itemizing what’s in my drawer and letting go of what no longer serves me with tons of help along the way.

    I am embracing my uniqueness and loving myself and others in a Hesed way. I am walking in community and holding my slosh.

    I’ve started taking anxiety medication and recently lost a dear friend to cancer.

    I continue to trudge through the harsh realities of life and death, but it’s different.

    I’ve figured out how to be held and how to hold. How to financially engage, not donate. How to show up in a relentlessly reliable and bone-marrow deep way. I’m learning how to walk eye to eye and how to lessen and mitigate the harm endured by BIPOC perpetuated by me. I’ve finally found where my drawer fits.

    I’m celebrating my own uniqueness and that of others. I’m listening and believing lived experience. I’m learning how to follow, not lead. And so much more.

    My drawer is full and I’m starting to find the balance I’ve needed by trusting Mr. Oakes (oh, he’s smiling) and knowing when to lean in (Ice Ice Baby – “if there was a problem, yo I solve it”) and when to “Frozen it” (let it go.)

  6. Christina Sonas Avatar
    Christina Sonas

    When I pivot to race, there are so many places this metaphor takes me. How the labor of black and brown folk goes into carrying, even building my drawer. How wp try to coerce people of color to factory drawers, and they instead claim their birthright and resist the white effort to dehumanize them. How in our walking together to be antiracist, we share a common goal and a common ethos, yet our praxis absolutely has to be personalized to our individual selves. But what I take most into the pivot is that each of us needs to be faithfully known, the way Mr. Oakes knows each of his drawers. Mr. Oakes invites, and intended, the unique nature of each drawer, and if they tried to get away with all being the same, the process of putting drawers away would fall apart very quickly. So, here in this community, and wherever I go in the world, in order to live my best life, I need to be unafraid of my authenticity.

  7. Christin Spoolstra Avatar
    Christin Spoolstra

    “I built your drawer to be sturdy, but yours has weight that may no longer be needed. You need to be able to lift your drawer and I can see your knees buckling from the weight. Let’s look through it together; let’s see what you keep and what may need to be discarded so you can carry your drawer with lightness, and add new treasures.”

    I’m thinking about my bucket of slosh. This is adding another layer to it, like filling out the picture in my head. Our drawers, like our buckets, have a storage capacity limit. We can clean out our drawers, let things go… but doing so requires bearing witness to what was in the drawer. And how in moments of which I am not proud, I will demand that for myself but not allow it for another.

    My draw in this post is to personalize and think of my own challenges fitting into drawers that are not built for me, but the pivot to race is vital. How much harder it must be to find where your drawer fits in a society not built for you. To have the drawers of white folk, weighed down with unexamined weight, bending the drawer downward into your space. In that way, the care for my drawer and the encouragement for others for the care of their drawers around mine. We’ve been accused of this being a self-help space for “woke” white women. And if I stopped before the pivot, that could be true. But recognizing the way my own patterns harm Black and Brown people and taking action to mitigate that harm… it’s not about me being a “better person” who understands more about managing my drawer, my bucket, it’s all in service to the North Star.

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