Can I Be Trusted With Cookies? Can I Be Trusted Period?

We’ve been talking a lot about cookies…. and about motives. We’ve been talking about Jim and his idea that if he tosses a little cash in Lace’s direction, that will be viewed as an olive branch or he will be viewed as ‘redeemed’ There’s a comment thread under the most recent post about Jim where some of us have discussed how we feel when we read the comments on Kinfolk Kollective’s page. Here’s the thing y’all. Again and again, white women as a group have chosen to be bad actors. Again and again, we have betrayed those we say we stand beside.

Now we have the Wall of Moms. Your newsfeeds have been filled with their praise as they put their bodies in between the violence of the Feds and the vulnerability of the protesters. I wonder how you felt when you read about them? A sense of pride perhaps? Solidarity?

What do you feel when I tell you this is pantsuit nation all over again? The truth is that black moms have had boots on the ground this entire time, but the groundswell of attention and participation by white women came largely after white and white adjacent women ‘had an idea’ for Wall of Moms. It wasn’t an original idea ~ oh, but it was a white woman’s idea and it spread like one.

In this past week, one of the original organizers of Wall of Moms, Bev Barnum, was quoted as saying that the group follows the direction of Black leaders.

“If [Black leaders] want one wall of moms, they get one. If they want two, they get two,” she says. “If they tell us to jump, we jump. And if they tell us to leave, we leave.”

In fact, white women in leadership for the organization had rescinded their positions in order to allow women of color to lead. But in the last day or two it has come out that instead, Ms. Barnum chose to file for 501(c)3 status without the knowledge of any of the newly instated black women leaders, and when some of those women expressed concerns, it appears Ms. Barnum severed ties. It became apparent that ultimately Ms. Barnum exploited the Black Lives Matter movement in order to launch her own movement, which while still willing to support BLM, will focus on frontline situations much more broadly.

This is not a new story. We as white women have perpetrated this same violence and betrayal against black women over and over. And then we think one word of support for black women, one penny of our resources tossed in the right direction, is deserving of gratitude? Makes us team members…. a cohort?

There’s one word up above that jumps out at me. Do you see it? Allow. It seems that whether we are serving and supporting, or whether we are beating and killing, whether we are faithful, or whether we betray ~ we still focus on holding the power. It always seems to come back to power, and the transaction.

Quite recently, Lace had an interaction with an acquaintance, or…. not quite sure what to call her but their relationship, while familiar is not quite at friend level. This woman expressed interest in what Lace does and Lace pointed her to our website and Facebook page and specifically the pinned posts. She came back to Lace and said she thinks the website looks great! She wanted to get coffee and chat because she had questions. Lace said sure, coffee and a friendly chat sounds nice, but not as a consult. And did you read the pinned posts? The woman replied “Oh no, not a consult. I only do consults with clients.” But she hasn’t read the pinned posts. She implies she’s offering friendship but she wants to talk to Lace about Lace’s work, without first reading the roadmap that Lace has already provided. And it doesn’t seem clear to her that Lace too does consults – and that she might have been the client in this instance.

Did it occur to her to ask Lace to coffee because maybe it’s lonely sometimes, living alone, especially during a pandemic? Hey, let’s have socially distanced outdoor coffee together and get to know each other better. That would have been relational. But relationship wasn’t what she was seeking. She was seeking Lace’s knowledge and expertise but doing it in the guise of friendship so that she could have access to those things without putting in any legwork herself. To the casual observer, no, let me take that back. To my white trained eye, at first glance it looked so innocent. Because I am well versed in making the transactional APPEAR relational. So it was a transaction, yes, and a clear power move as well. If she can couch it as a friendly conversation over coffee, she can gain from Lace’s expertise without ever acknowledging Lace as her better or as her teacher here. They can be equals but she will never have to be in a relationship where a black woman holds more power.

And that brings me back to where I started. Disguising the transactional as relational is why we think we deserve cookies when we do the right thing. It is why we think we can effect reconciliation by dropping a dollar here and there. And it is why in the end, we always end up betraying those we say we stand with. Because if our efforts are at their core transactional and there is no relationship base to keep us faithful and steady, we will move on to the next best opportunity every time.


https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10111300334765391&id=5027561

https://www.facebook.com/DontShootPDX/posts/2803832126570586


4 responses to “Can I Be Trusted With Cookies? Can I Be Trusted Period?”

  1. Jaime Avatar
    Jaime

    “Disguising the transactional as relational is why we think we deserve cookies when we do the right thing. ” That rings true for me, both in my racism and in broader interactions (though I will focus on racism here). I felt a clench at your description of how an invitation to coffee would have been nice because maybe it’s lonely sometimes, because your description is itself an invitation to focus on relationships, and I feel myself pulling away from that into more transactional interactions, where I feel in control and where I can stay “in the red.” I think this is most true when I feel uncomfortable because I am avoiding thinking about my privilege in relationships with Black people, and avoiding thinking about how they invest more energy in our interactions out of necessity. I can see this in the Wall of Moms response, that Bev shifted her focus to defending her actions/transactions rather than checking in on and sustaining her relationships, and I can see where my first reaction is always to do this. I can see my need to ingrain a focus on the relational.

  2. Lace Watkins Avatar
    Lace Watkins

    I’m going to provide a transcript of the conversation because it’s important for all of you to see.

    Cautionary tales are often the most instructive.

    While the other issues that Danielle spoke of are incredibly important, at the end of the day it’s about this micro person-to-person exchanges that you might feel are minor, even inconsequential or throw away, that will deeply inform how you process the other issues.

    I am going to redact the person’s name.

    Not because she deserves that courtesy oh, because she absolutely does not.

    She harmed me greatly.

    But because more than a few of you all will clutch your pearls and perhaps thknk me mean at over-reaching if I do not.

    The default is still in protecting white women, including egregiously harmful ones.

    Even as all of you are authentically working towards becoming women who will inflict less harm on black and brown people, in cases like this the urge to relapse will be strong.

    And I want you to hear and process this without the additional layer of having to work through whether or not you thought I was appropriate choosing to share the transcript.

    And so , yes, I am going to acquiesce to that Dynamic so that you can see the patterns with minimal residue and not pillory me.

    I’m going to consult with Danielle as to whether or not we should put it here or in a breakout post.

    But it is important that you see this.

    I’m also going to ask admin staff who did see the exchange and provided commentary in admin chat to either allow me to put some of their comments in because they are incredibly trenchant and insightful, or that they put in their comments underneath the transcript itself.

    I do not want to overstate this. But I also will not minimize it.

    This exchange with the woman we are going to call Jane, and the interaction I had two nights ago with Jim are absolute bookends that between the two of them hold what went down in Portland.

    Hear this. Deeply.

    I was going to place a commentary of my own underneath Danielle’s but I want her work to stand on its own.

    If we break this out into a separate post I will add my commentary there.

  3. Christin Spoolstra Avatar
    Christin Spoolstra

    “I am well versed in making the transactional APPEAR relational.” At first I wanted to say this was another example of why the internal work is so vital but that I couldn’t think of a specific way I had done this. To borrow a phrase: welp. Apparently I am quite well versed in this cloaking. Because then I thought of the entire way I was taught and continue to practice networking. Relationships are very literally considered currency. And there’s so much in there that will cause harm to black and brown people, one example being insularity.

    I do want to stay focused on the WoM, though, and bring it back to the KK cookie conversation. That not only are we white folk seeking recognition, but we want it for stealing the work of bipoc. This was not amplifying voices. This was appropriation. And so that brings me around to how am I appropriating when I cloak myself in amplifying? In terms of antiracism, it’s when I share a collection of thoughts without providing attribution and without linking to to the original sources. In terms of how my life is lived as a foreigner working in an ngo, it’s when I let anyone focus on me instead of the justness of the work.

    That circles me back to the internal work, to defining my praxis and living it out. To listening to black and brown people, accepting feedback, and course correcting instead of deleting and blocking from my life as Bev Barnum did.

    (crossposted)

  4. Jessie Lee Avatar
    Jessie Lee

    *Cross posted from facebook*
    I think the white women who make up this community, including me, have to stop caring so much about being trusted by Black women. If that’s our goal, who is it for? It’s not for Black women. When Black women have trusted us, it has resulted in their betrayal and pain and increased difficulty of their work. If I am aiming to earn the trust of Black women, that’s transactional disguised as relational. It’s a for me and me alone, and the sooner I’m honest with myself about that, the closer I am to rooting out that pathological pursuit of cookies.
    Shortly after the Jim and Kate incident, I remember discussing the question of how deeply you’d have to scratch our veneers to reveal the supremacy underneath. I think it was Julie who likened doing our work here to alcoholics going to AA. Once a racist, always a racist. Once untrustworthy to Black women, always untrustworthy to Black women. I’m at a place now where I believe and accept that I will never be trustworthy. I will always be in “recovery” for my addictions to opportunity and approval.
    That’s not to say that I plan on breaking Lace’s trust or the trust of any other woman of color I am in a relationship with—I absolutely don’t. I’m not letting myself off the hook. I’m shifting my mindset so that I can shed the self-obsessed, approval-seeking, violently opportunistic part of me with the capacity, agency, and volition to betray Black women for her own gain. She’s not the woman I want to be, and it’s my job and my job alone to keep doing my weeding so that she won’t overtake me. Weeding is what keeps me from betraying the people I want to stand with and for. Weeding keeps me from recklessly joining the next iteration of a wall of moms. And lest I forget the purpose of all of my weeding, I’ll put it here: to lessen and mitigate the harm endured by Black and brown people caused by white people, including me.

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