updated 10/26/2020
The mission or North Star of Lace on Race is to lessen and mitigate the harm endured by Black and Brown people, perpetuated by white people.
For a long time, we have resisted formal guidelines for Lace on Race, the assumption being that people would enter this space, and the ethos and mission would be clear and compelling enough to make a list of rules unnecessary. For the most part, this has been true.
However, since we are picking up new people every month, in ever greater numbers, we felt it would be wise to be a bit more explicit about expectations and how we operate in here, which is indeed different from other spaces you may have encountered. We have thought and discussed these guidelines, and we truly feel that these new ways of being, codified here, will be beneficial. We appreciate you all, and are so honored and grateful you walk with us. This is just another way of showing that very thing.
*We are not an entertainment space. While we hope we are engaging and a pleasant place to be, as well as informative and instructional, we are not here for amusement or as a distraction. We take this work seriously, and we assume that, if you are here, that you take the work as seriously as we do. Toward that end, we ask that you spend enough time here to actually get something from it, and that you not limit yourself to what you find easy. That means different things to different people. How much time spent is an individual choice, but we will say that the more you are here, the more benefit you will receive. Scrolling and rolling is not going to get you to where you say you want to be.
*No reacts to posts. Ever. Reacts are the “Like”, “Heart”, “Haha” icons Facebook gives you to react to a post with a single click. This is not a space for scrolling and rolling, with a click here and there. You are expected to engage more deeply on the posted material. Reacting to the replies of fellow walkers is acceptable as encouragement, as we walk together, but does not take the place of your own reflective engagement.
*We have said this before many times. Facebook actively suppresses us; you will find only a fraction of what is here if you depend upon Facebook to include us in your feed. This means, as in everything in Lace on Race, it is on you to make coming here and engaging with the material and with your fellow walkers, an intentional, reliable practice. Like everything in racial justice work, it will not just happen for you. And Facebook aside, there will be no automatic prompt for you to visit and engage with the website.
*If there is no new material posted up by me or by the Admins, that does not mean that there is nothing to gain. We can say this with confidence: very few of you have actually read through and, crucially, *commented on* every pinned post and website article. And even if you have, it is always profitable for you to revisit them. You will encounter them in a new way. And there will probably be new comments for you to engage with.
*Thoughtful posts. They don’t have to be dissertations; a paragraph is fine. But try to stay on topic, and if you have a general observation, pivot to race as quickly as you can. And you always can. Our strong expectation is that you will post your own reflections on the material provided, and that you will also reply to the comments of at least two others. This is what we refer to as our “New Norms,” and we have seen a remarkable deepening of the quality of engagement and community here since implementing them. They really do make a significant difference to your growth in this space, and your reflexive ability to lessen and mitigate the harm you can cause.
*Because this is indeed a novel space, where you are challenged to interact with both material and your fellow walkers in ways you may not ever have before, we ask that you give yourself the commitment to be here for a period of time, reading, engaging, fully acclimating yourself to the space, and engaging with intent. Merely lurking or spectating is not enough. One of the challenges we have faced here is what we call churn, with people coming in and out. One of the skills you will be building here is how to become a relentlessly resilient and reliable person; this will bode well for you here as well as outside of this space. We are only as faithful and safe as the whole community commits to being.
*Engage with other community members, not just Lace or the Admin team (Marlise, Laura, Danielle, and Holly). As important: Engage with those who engage with you. It is damaging to community, and just plain rude, when we ignore each other. We do our best to operate like we’re actually together in my living room or front porch. It’s important to feel connected; engagement with others is the best way to try to create that.
*Here we make the covert overt. If you are asked a question, focus on answering the overt question you were asked directly and simply, rather than responding to it as a covert general challenge, or by answering the question you expect or hope to be asked. This is especially important if the person asking is Lace. This is part of seeing her, a Black woman and our guide on this walk, eye-to-eye. We strive to be “round and flat” in structure, with no one aggrandized or preeminent over another, but Lace is an expert in relational ethics and racial equity, and following Black women is an important part of our praxis.
*No blocking of Lace on Race staff, or of community members. Ever.
*Read the pinned posts on the Facebook page, facebook.com/laceonrace, and also the posts on the laceonrace. com website. Circle back often; they are added to frequently. There is some overlap between the Page and the website, but there are some real differences. Check both.
*People have wondered what is required reading. The shortest answer is that all of what we present to you is required reading, most particularly pinned posts and the website. We take time and great intention to curate for you the best of what we find. Your way of honoring our efforts is to read with and engage with rigor. We do notice that when we say ‘Required Reading’ on the top of the post, we get greater engagement; still, it is less than 10% of those who actually see the post. That may be ok in other spaces, but here we are New People Doing New Things In New Ways. This includes how we consider our involvement and commitment to this space and with each other.
*Practice Kind Candor. For the purposes of this space, that includes no snark or sarcasm, no punching down.
*We call this space a ‘safe-ish’ space for a reason. We deal daily with topics that are activating and challenging. It is your responsibility to be able to hold on to yourself, to hold your own hand, so that you can co-create this safe-ish space with your fellow walkers. Our topics are not always safe or easy; it is imperative that each of us is as safe for each other as possible, as Pádraig Ó Tuama says, to ‘be a place where [our] feet can stand’. That means being here, seen and available, and reliable. This means holding fictive imagination for each other. That means reminding just who it is you are talking to. This means remembering Hesed.
*We are extremely careful about the materials we present to you, and outside resources are assumed to have been vetted by us. Therefore, sharing any resources (by link, meme or by recommending certain reading) in the public community space is prohibited. We do recognize that there are a lot of good resources out there and we too are reading some of the same authors and articles that you all are reading. This is not to say that we reject all outside resources, but we do require that any resources you wish to present be shared with the admin team via messenger.
IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE AN EXCELLENT RESOURCE THAT MUST BE SHARED, TRY SITTING WITH IT FOR 6-9 MONTHS BEFORE YOU MESSAGE US. That may sound like a long time, but many of us walk into this space thinking we already know so much and have so much to offer; and you have. However, the great majority of what is offered are resources we feel are not in alignment with the LoR mission or ethos. That discernment–is it right for the space that we are curating here?–can only be discerned by those who have been here for awhile and have internalized said ethos and mission.
After you’ve walked here for 6-9 months, see if you still think that resource is necessary. A lot of times you will find that particular piece spoke to you at the place you were at in your life, but it is not quite so earth shattering anymore as you have grown. The admin team wishes to be available via messenger as necessary and in particular, to intervene if this space is being made un-safe. But the LoR messenger inbox is regularly overflowing with recommended resources which can detract from other necessary work.
As well, we deeply care about pacing and timing; some resources are indeed good, but we as a group are not ready for them yet. (Strong hint: if everyone read and engaged with the pinned posts, particularly the Relational Ethics series, we would be ready that much faster.)
*No deleting. As much as we can, we try to make this space as much like a conversation as possible. That means owning your words much like you would if you were speaking them out loud. As well, no material editing that would change the meaning or intention of your posts. Editing for spelling, grammar or style is fine. If you find you want to make a correction, you can amend under the post or inside the post with a clear disclosure. The original words still stand. As well, deleting is a violent erasing of other’s words in entire subthreads. We assume that if you have the capacity, volition, and agency to offer commentary or responses in the first place, then you will remember those virtues as you learn, more and more, to take responsibility for your words.
*No shaming, no humiliation. This is not tone policing. This is about making a space you and your fellow community members (including Lace herself) are not just willing, but eager to come to and engage with. We can talk about anything, but not any old way. Remember who you are talking to–fellow walkers who deserve your absolute best.
*As much as possible, we do our work in public. Toward that end we kindly discourage PM’s that attempt to ‘take it outside’ and do an ancillary discussion. We have found this to often be an attempt to avoid accountability. Moreover, it damages community cohesion. We should all know the same thing in the same amount at the same time. When we do get PM’s that query or comment, and the admins feel that it is more appropriate on the OP, we will request that you restate your comment or query there. As well, we ask that you keep side conversations to a absolute minimum. We know it is a real temptation when you have friends you either know from other places, or friends you have made here, and that’s great! But having parallel conversations on posts deprives the rest of the community.
As well, we have found that people often use the private message feature to, essentially, glean a consult from either Lace or Admin team. If we feel that this is the case, we will make the covert overt and confront it kindly and squarely with the requestor. This is part of Lace’s liberation as a Black woman. It is also a regression from our ethos to treat everyone in this space fairly and eye to eye.
*We hope we never have to use this guideline. We know that, when confronting difficult topics, one can get activated, and conflict can arise with community members. This is exactly the time to put the skills you are learning to good use. If you need to, admin staff and/or our leadership team will walk with you. This community hinges on cohesion and unity; we are walking together. What is imperative is the commitment to hang in. It is crucial to the community that you are and remain a resilient and reliable presence in the community, and it is also important to your own individual and personal praxis. One thing that we are learning here is that learning how to internalize and apply Relational Ethics principles are important both to this space as well as to your outside lives. They must be practiced. We have rarely blocked community members, though we do reserve the right to do so for the safety of the community and the health of this space.
*Lastly, we consider financial engagement crucial, both for the health and sustainability of this space, but for your personal practice as well. Honoring the work of women of color, both of me and of the contributors we bring to you–as well as taking this ethic to other women of color who also write and agitate, means making this commitment a non-negotiable part of your walk.
It means ensuring the viability of this space, as well as for the community partners we support–and it encourages your congruence regarding this practice in your outside lives as well. As well, we are different regarding financial engagement in this regard: we overtly ask and expect all who walk here to engage, *regardless of how they identify racially and or ethnically*.
We walk with parity and mutuality here; no exceptions or carveouts.
We are committed to this being a ‘free-ish’ space. This means no paywall; all are encouraged to enter and co-create community. This is a very large risk for us. It means that those for whom this space has value also have a concomitant responsibility to seriously consider and then act upon a conviction to financially engage.
We love this space. So much. And we love each footstep of our fellow walkers. We are convinced that these guidelines are in alignment with our values, and will buttress our ethos and shared commitment to the work.
Keep walking.
Leave a Reply