Facebook Publication Date: 3/18/2021 14:03
Good day, community.
In yesterday’s Ask a former (or current; I am not sure) community member posed concerns and critiques regarding my and the LoR Center for Racial Equity’s handling of our former intern.
As you will see below, it was quite pointed. And quite uncomplimentary.
Still, it is an important conversation to be had; not least because I have no doubt that some (or even most) of you, for whatever reason, are still here after the events of the last month; and also no doubt have variants of the same concerns and critiques.
Welp. This discussion is broken out of the prior thread because Ms. Love’s concerns and critiques deserve pride of place, rather than to be buried in the middle of the Ask from yesterday. So here we are.
I am treating this event today as of strong importance, because it is. It’s important for the community, that you all, singly and collectively, bring your critical faculties and your rigorous discernment into this discussion. Based upon the last month, this might be the final nail in the coffin, and for those of you who are vacillating by lurking, rubbernecking, and the like, this will definitely constitute your permission to leave the car, with a tarnished perception of both me and of this space.
For others, though, this could be a conversation which solidifies both your understanding of, and of your commitment to, what we strive to do in this space, and cements your choice to stay belted in.
Ms. Love shines quite an unflattering light on me. Warts, moles, scars, baldness, and all. It is for you, each of you, to decide if the marks on my face, on my mind, on my heart, on my spirit, on my soul, are worth your time, your attention, and your consideration.
Everything is fodder. Everything. Including this: a deep and unsparing examination of, not Holly’s choices per se, but of my own, both during last month’s controversy, which actually began the week before February, as well as of the aftermath of the intern’s public commentary on both myself and of the org, which included disclosure of confidential information, both personal and organizational.
Ms. Love, based on her opening remarks, will have no problem with this element. But there are other elements which will be advanced and to which all will be expected to adhere: that of Kind Candor, that of Full Respect Living (which incorporates, but is not limited to, the five winning and the five losing strategies), that of The Five Tenets.
As well: North Star, front and center. Always.
And with uncompromising and unwavering Hesed at the core.
As you will see, Ms. Love casts deep aspersions on my adherence to the guiding ethe as outlined above, as well as of my authentic and congruent application of them. Again, there is nothing for me to do but to acknowledge her conviction that I am, at best disingenuous. Again, that is for you to discern.
Yes. There have been pieces written on what happened as well as videos addressing it. But also yes–those communications have been from my perspective alone. Ms. Love seems to disregard those, or if she acknowledges them, she dismisses and disbelieves them. That has to be accepted.
Regardless of how well, or, more accurately, regardless of how badly, Ms. Love feels I live out the overarching ethos, praxis, method, and North Star of this space, these are what we will be operating under. For your convenience, I will outline them here.
We are bound to adherence to both letter and spirit of the Guidelines regarding how we relate to and speak with each other. For the purposes of this discussion, this includes (but is not limited to) no shaming, no contempt, no humiliation, no punching down, and relating to each other with Kind Candor. For ease of use, here is the link to the Guidelines: https://laceonrace.com/2020/03/07/lace-on-race-guidelines-2/
We are bound to Hesed-uncompromising, durable, and unshakable love at the core.
We are bound to refrain from deploying (word choice made with intention) the Five Losing Strategies:
Needing To Be Right
Controlling the Narrative
Unbridled Self Expression
Retaliation
Withdrawal
We are bound to do our individual and collective utmost to adhere to and employ the Five Winning Strategies:
Shifting From Complaint To Request
Speaking Out With Love and Savvy
Responding with Generosity
Empowering Each Other
Cherishing
Lastly, I am well aware that, in other online and offline spaces, there is implied or express prohibition against some cohorts speaking to other cohorts. I do not agree with that. Here, in my metaphorical home where we see eye to eye, and sit shoulder to shoulder around my flat and round kitchen table, anyone can talk to anyone–*provided that the above that I just outlined stays firmly in place*.
The above is in effect for all of us, whether or not the person and or groups consider themselves to be part of the Lace on Race Community. We are bound both individually and collectively.
Ms. Love feels I embody none of the above. I feel I do. In any case, I am bound to them here, as are my staff and leadership team, and, as well, for all who are in this community. I cannot control what Ms. Love and, possibly her colleagues, decide to do with what I outlined above. Regardless, her and or their choices in no way void our commitment to ourselves, to each other, and yes, to Ms. Love and or her colleagues herself or themselves.
Engagement in any way on this thread, or, for that matter, anywhere here at the Facebook Page, laceonrace dot com, The Bistro (laceonrace groups) and Chef’s Table constitute an agreement with the above mentioned boundaries.
I am cutting and pasting the original discussion in the Ask thread; I ask Ms. Love to verify that the conversation I am submitting is accurate with no additions or deletions. For the sake of accountability and transparency, I am not cleaning up for typos or punctuation or paragraph breaks. So it won’t be pretty, but it will be accurate.
——————————————-
Ms. Love:
It is really disingenuous and disturbing to see that the lack of investment and financial engagement is being blamed “in part” on the actions of a singular person, rather than in response to the legitimate concerns that Holly raised about what was occuring to her personally, as well as her concerns about the organization. And then to further shift blame “in part” onto the community that *we* allowed Holly to be influential, rather than LOR putting her into an influential position and then stepping back and becoming defensive when she became *too* vocal and *too* aggressive and *too* confrontational. The continual slandering of her name as a BIWOC is not in alignment with the North Star and the praxis, and it’s deeply troubling that rather than trying to mend that wound and divide caused within the community–specifically after her apology–it continues to rear its ugly head. The rules and guidelines would have you believe this page and this group are better than the behavior that continues to be on display one month later. There are certainly exceptions to be made for imperfect prose here, and I’m not punching down on that because the sentiment behind it is quite clear–it is Holly’s fault for deficient engagement, not a valid response of the community to the behaviors that were concerning to her. That exacerbates and qualifies the problem, rather than working to cure it.
Lace:
Howdy! Let’s talk. I’m going to read this again. This is a big deal, thank you for taking the time to address it. But I will ask this: what do you think our response should have been, since you feel that our response was deficient? What do you know about the steps we have taken, either internally as leadership team or externally here? Actually, your hanging this here *is* more than a bit of a punch down, but that’s fine. Part of me values the Strategic nature of it. Let’s Converse.
Ms. Love:
If you would like to do that before I respond more fully on here, of course. Whatever you believe is most beneficial to this discussion and the interests of the community. I’ll hold on responding in greater depth to your direct questions until I hear back from you.
Lace:
Ok
Lace:
I’ll also say this. Quite plainly. I value your thoughts. That said, whether or not you believe in me, my message, whether or not you have a good or a bad opinion of me based upon what you have to admit is a one-sided account, because you haven’t heard my narrative, and you won’t, because, unlike the person you are advocating for, I’m not going to divulge what is confidential. But again, that’s fine. Regardless of what you think of me, and regardless of the basis of that opinion, I’m going to continue to still do the work. If there are places where you feel that there is a woman operating with more Integrity than I exhibit, who is less disingenuous than I am, I wish you Godspeed. Your choice to hang this here was and its strategic, and again, you surely were going for maximum Effectiveness and harm, and I have to respect that. But you also chose to use Holly’s Playbook, so I think it absolutely disqualifies you from telling me what the ethos and the method and the values that the space tries to exemplify are, and whether or not we are faithful in upholding them. Again, let’s talk.
Lace:
Lastly, I’m going to assume you are a good actor in this narrow way: I believe that you believe what you’re saying. I also believe that you believe that I am indeed a bad actor. I believe that you are acting in defense of a woman you feel was dreadfully wronged. I believe that you believe her narrative. I would think, as an attorney, you would want a fuller picture, but apparently you don’t. I can’t control that. But I can hold two things in one hand, Ms Love. I can assume that you are coming from as authentic a place as you feel I am less than authentic. I believe that you believe that the position that you hold justifies the actions you just now chose to take. Again, I can’t control that. I worked with you once and trusted you. But I also absolutely have to believe in the fundamental goodness of your choices, your motivation, and your spirit. So I hope we can talk about this. We will go under the same principles of the space, that you do not feel I uphold, but I think I do, so that will be our blueprint for engagement going forward. Are you all right with that?
Lace:
We will continue to have this conversation here at the take-out window, which is what we now call the Facebook page, as well as in the bistro. If you have not yet registered for the bistro, please do.
Emily H.
I am glad that you seem willing now to have a conversation about your thoughts out in the open. That is much more eye to eye than hanging around in the community without financially engaging as a way of “responding” to the behaviors that are concerning.
_______________
Disclosure: Ms. Love and I worked briefly together during the Jim and Kate issue in spring/summer of 2020 and possibly also with The Christian Left as well. An attorney, I am confident that she will employ her sharp rhetorical and critical thinking skills into this discussion.
Again, I am aware of the fact that Ms. Love deems me to be a bad actor. I cannot afford to believe the same of her. I find it imperative that I believe she is relating here in a spirit of right action, right motivation, and right spirit. To believe anything less would be devastating.
I am including a photo of myself at my table, to enhance page views. It’s me like I am normally when I am not going outside or doing a video. No fake hair; no makeup; no fancy blouse. Just me.
Ms. Love, you have the floor.
Edited to add: some people are not aware of, or have forgotten the language that I used in yesterday’s ask. I am placing it here, for ease of View.
_____
Hey everybody. I am doing a quick and dirty mid-month ask right now, because things are going fast and furious, I have to do some deliveries to nursing homes as part of our lace on Race Outreach, so I am doing this voice to text and hoping that a lack of purple prose will not inhibit those of you who are invested in the maintaining and sustainability of the space from action. This is the sixth month in a row we have not met goal. And last month we were at about half of goal, in part because of Holly, but also in part because this community allowed Holly to be influential. We have seen more people oh, we have had exponentially more engagement, but we have not seen that translate into Financial engagement. That’s just true. And it’s deeply concerning. And I don’t know another creative way of asking you all to step up. I’m going to do probably another ask, a prettier ask, a more plaintive ask, because that is what is expected of me if I have any hope of meeting even our barebones budget of $9,000. Which we did not meet last month. I am saying this to each of you. No matter what color you are, or how you identify. If this space is important to you please support it. Thank you for your reading of this quick and dirty, and utterly candid mid-month ask. Sustainers, and sustainers in training, and any of you who are currently in the bistro, if you have not met your financial commitment for March, or even for February as well, please consider doing so. For those of you who pay all a cart, I hope you will take what I said in too deep consideration and seriously consider supporting this space that you consume.
I am including a picture of my front field so as to enhance pageviews. If you have seen this, no matter what action you decide to take regarding Financial engagement, please mark done or seen or some such. Again, thank you.
Permalink: https://www.facebook.com/laceonrace/posts/pfbid0e4vPuXekehv5e7RwPkmMPUNWAuqpdurhorBULcucBeaa2qan6wh5XU45rt5ZLRzwl
Post Type: Photo
Caption Type: N/A
Is Cross Post: 0
Is Share: 0
Impressions: 36
Reach: 25
Reactions: 0
Comments: 164
Shares: 4