Facebook Publication Date: 2/28/2020 7:02

This came up in a conversation in Sustainer Group. If you’re a Sustainer, or want to become one, I highly recommend it. We are going really vertical and vulnerable.

This is a comment I made in Group about money and friendship. Reflect and comment.

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If white people are serious about wanting authentic cross racial friendships, you all will have to sit with, long and hard, about the brutal fact that there will be, most probably, rank economic disparity embedded therein. That’s just true.

That disparity makes what we often see as thoughtless, like a coffee, like theater tickets, like doing a mall crawl, fraught.

This is a big deal. And it’s why a lot of white women seem to ‘marry up’ when they do indeed seek cross racial friendships; they know they make more than a ‘lateral’ (and we really need to talk about this too, and how that impacts workplace dynamic) so they go up a standard deviation. Teachers making friends with doctors; secretaries befriending accountants and the like.

Reaching across and down makes disparities and the differences in lives more stark.

One place where this plan goes awry is the fact that there are few of us in places higher than most of you. There’s a supply drain.

Let me say something here, and then dash out: I am, in my work with the County, and in my formal education, miles behind most of you.

Knowing only that, would you have chosen me for a friend?

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