Facebook Publication Date: 43541.54375

This is the day for community engagement.

Another community member, again, name redacted, asked about amount she should contribute to the health of the community. My answer is below. This is not the official Ask I have been sweating over, though it can serve as one. Live your conscience.

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Let’s hit this one squarely too, ‘Jane’.

So what if I did give a specific dollar amount–which you felt was too much?

What then?

I have been doing this for a year. I can say, absolutely without arrogance on my part, that I have given worthy service.

Every person here has, if I never write another word ever again, gotten their money’s worth. Period. And I have a rough estimate in my head what individuals have or have not contributed (I try to put that completely out of my head; it is detrimental to know in a way, which is why I have moved to delegate this to the admin team. If I know what people have or have not done, it could affect my engagement with you. It has not, not to my knowledge, though I am open to other’s thoughts).

Whether that number is three digits, or two, or one, or none, you all should enjoy the same level of respect and engagement and attention from me.

Now that said, this contract has been lopsided and one sided at its core from the very start.

And this asking ‘how much?’ is like playing a game of chicken. And it’s what white people in general, and white women in particular–because it’s white women who do the bulk of online racial justice ‘work’–wanna play. They play a game of chicken, seeing who blinks first. Like they’re buying a rug in Morocco. Or, closer to home for me here in San Diego, a piece of pottery in Tijuana–forcing the person to lowball, so they can feel good about the bargain, even if *they know* they are exploiting.

I refuse to play. I refuse. That is a shitty dynamic. It goes against the ethos of this space, my own sense of self respect, and inherent self worth.

Because I know what you are getting here is quality work. I know you will not find what we do anywhere else.

And I know, if I were white, it would be a much easier sell. (We are truthtelling here.)

‘Jane’, make no mistake. I have a number in mind, an aggregate number that will make it so I don’t have to think about taking a second job. A number that will also fund the things this space should be doing, creating curriculum, paying people (fairly) like Jameelah Jones and Jess and others whose work we have amplified here.

There are two numbers actually–one that works if the original model in my mind actually worked as was intended–that a lot of you would contribute relatively little to, so no one would be forced to bear an outsize burden.

And, now, another number that, a year later, reflects the realities of this space, the power that you white women have (let’s get seriously real), how few of you actually have seen their way clear to fund. (less than 150 of you out of 4000 have contributed anything–which is a much larger amount; which, if we go to strictly paywall, I will ask for. But that means many will be legit priced out.)

So, then I rely on–I bet on– all of your personal ethics and convictions and valuation of this space. So far, it’s been a losing bet, but I am hoping that will change.

The day I actually put in an application for a supplemental job will be the day this space ceases to exist. That’s not out of anger. That’s just truth. I cannot do three jobs. I cannot.

You all want ‘permission’ and my signoff on a low key form of exploitation. I will not comply.

Each of you knows what this space is worth. I see it in the recommendations, the star ratings, and your own words.

Don’t keep placing me in this shitty situation.

Do what you know is right, not just the least you feel you can get away with.

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