Facebook Publication Date: 11/17/2018 9:11
From Toiani Cole: A Word. Parts of this is harsh; a divergence from what some have come to expect from this space. But the visceral nature of this is necessary. Sit with it.
This weekend is going to be 100.
——–
This is why people think I’m unreasonably hard on white people. When I see white allies check their white friends/family about their racism, stick up for minorities or oppressed groups, or just post something all-around-humane and reasonable, I bite my tongue. I keep scrolling. I don’t thank them. I don’t hand them a cookie. I don’t send them a card, or shine their shoes or dance a little jig. I keep it moving.
But the TRUTH. And it’s a sad one. You ready?
The truth is, the shit warms my fucking heart.
Truly.
But be not mistaken:
******THIS IS A SYMPTOM OF ABUSE!!!******
The fact that my heart is warmed by HUMAN DECENCY means that I do NOT experience HUMAN DECENCY. The fact that I have not grown up feeling completely entitled to respect and, at best, the ABSENCE OF ABUSE AND HUMILIATION is mortifying. Consider the fact that I am moved by what appears to be one less foot on my neck for a split second of my measly, oppressed life as 3/4ths a human being.
Imagine every white person, or straight person, or male person who walked past me, punched me in the face. Every single one. And then once, every blue moon, someone walks past and doesn’t punch me in the face. The relief that I feel at expecting that punch, yet not receiving it, may translate into an atypical amount of adoration for the person that simply left my ass alone that day. Now imagine that person tells a couple of the people he saw punching me, “Hey, you shouldn’t punch that woman. That isn’t right. No one punches you, so you shouldn’t punch them, so stop.” And although this “vigilante savior” has punched before and sometimes still does, imagine that I now pay this person 100 dollars for simply not knocking my lights out on that day.
By not saying thank you. By not giving my oppressors or people who benefit from my oppression a spotlight or even acknowledging them, I am practicing, removing myself from my punching bag role and PRACTICING the feeling of entitlement. Because I AM %100 ENTITLED TO A LIFE FREE OF MALTREATMENT. And even as I type this I don’t feel that truth as deeply as I should– and that’s why I ain’t baking ya’ll no cookies.
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