Facebook Publication Date: 1/25/2018 4:01

(Lace on Race; Lace on Grace)

Welp.

This is the essay that started my journey as a public racial justice advocate (or, for those less gracious, an annoying provocateur).

Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote this essay for another group which I co-administer. It garnered over 700 responses.

In light of the events of the last year; midterms, pussy hats, all of it, it is worth another read. And another reflection.

How much has changed in our lives in the last 12 months? How much has changed in your own life?

This essay is very hard for me to read, not least because the story ended without two things that are crucial for me: closure and reconciliation/restoration of relationship.

Becky of the Boots is but one person I lost in this past year. Her ultimate defection was years in the making, and is one of the deeper hurts, but there are scores of other white women who have severed connection as I answered the ever deeper and compelling call to tell the truth from the marrow of my bones about race and relationships and power dynamics.

I know many of the people here in Lace on Race on a deeply personal level. I will keep your confidentiality, but I can speak of aggregate stories.

I know the stories of bravery in the workplace. I know about strained families. I know of looking at spouses with new and disheartening eyes. I know of the pit in the belly when one is forced to choose between newfound conviction and long held friendships.

I know of those who made choices, who risked, who were brave, and who endured consequences. Loss of jobs, relationships, standing in communities.

In my own life, I work on two tracks: one, the ongoing work of acknowledging my deep grief and loss. Even if one understands the necessity of cutting ties or being left in service to something greater, still that pain is real and needs to be acknowledged and faced and processed in order to do the work, both public and external that is placed before us, before me, before you.

And (not but) and still we can rejoice in the women and men we have become as we continue to walk in this crucible. We can breathe in gratitude for the people we have found and who walk with us now. We can affirm our progress, whether we feel we are a 1 or a 5 or a 9 on the scale of awareness and action.

A few queries: how has this year changed you? How would you like to go deeper still?

What would you say to Becky of the Boots?

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