Facebook Publication Date: 12/4/22 22:12 PM

Red Bull, Risk, and Re-Imagining The Self

Now that I’m back, I can tell you that I went away!

This is a big deal for me.

While my mind often takes me to far flung places, metaphorical and actual, my physical body tends to stay (very) close to home.

The Center is 3 miles away from my house; my dad’s house is even closer than that.

I can find all the things I need to sustain life in and around Encanto, Lemon Grove, and La Mesa.

Put another way, I’m quite pedestrian.

But this weekend was different.

There is, up the coast, a dear friend I have and I intuited a heart cry, and while I was glad to go to a Christmas program, the main reason that I got in the Santa Fe and drove over 300 miles was to be able to see my friend face to face and let them know that I heard not only what they were saying to me in words, but also what they were saying to me in the white spaces; in the unspoken words that, if we allow it, can make for deeper intimacy.

And so I set off, right after I presented at a conference on Friday.

Plenty of snacks, a few energy drinks, and off I went.

My time with my friend and their family was absolutely amazing but what was most amazing was my ability to risk on behalf of a person whom I love.

We here in the Lace on Race community live and thrive in an online space, which, I am happy to report, gives the lie to people who say that authentic community and love cannot be found in virtual spaces.

So this is not a screed, not at all, this is not a screed against the deep meaning, meeting, and communion that can be found here in the space that we have co-created.

So this is not a but, but rather an and.

Virtual connection is not only possible but it’s crucial– particularly in the times we live in.

It can be hard to find kindred right next door.

And, face to face communion and connection can serve to turbocharge relationship, pouring into our individual and collective containers, strengthen us for even more reliable walking, and remind us of the fact that even the act of Mexican food in a strip mall can have depth of meaning that some might find unimaginable.

It is said that a mark of emotional maturity is to continually look for ways that increase both connection and self-expression.

This trip did both for me.

The connection piece is obvious; still, as the Santa Fe made it down the 5 freeway, still I was astounded at just *how* meaningful the connection was.

Sure, I expected the meaningful.

But what was a pale comparison; was eclipsed by what I was privileged to experience.

I think that it is noteworthy to add that I would not know this person at all had I not met them in this virtual space.

So–a question lingers: were it not for my knowing her in a tangible rather than virtual way, what our connection and intimacy be as deep?

I think so. 5 years into the experiment that is Lace on Race, I have had the privilege of knowing so many of you, and while it gives me sadness that I will not be able to meet each and every one of you and eat Mexican food and share turkey sandwiches and reveal our heart spaces as we drive to the grocery store in a Toyota Avalon, still I am so heartened at what we have been able to co-create here; this world of intimacy, growth, and most importantly, depth that most people feel cannot be accomplished.

The community that we are inviting you into here at Lace on Race is so that we can learn, absolutely, but also so that we can invite each other into deeper and more meaningful ways of being so that we can face outward and serve the world; this is never to be minimized.

I had a lot of time to think both on my way up the coast, and then on my way back down to San Diego where I stayed inland; so the Pacific Ocean as I went North and the Abundant Fields as I went South, that gave way to the big cities of Los Angeles and Orange Counties and finally my beloved hometown of San Diego.

I love that I was able to see all the California has to offer, from crashing surf to Vineyards to the hustle and bustle of cities to the small towns that I went through some with only one stoplight before they were gone.

Our lives, our selves and souls are like that; full of different landscapes, full of things to appreciate. We all contain multitudes.

It is late, I have been in a car for a very long time, but as I get ready for bed I savor the last 3 days.

The longest car trip I’ve ever taken alone.

Choosing to connect is much like the risk I took in driving by myself to unknown territory.

Full of mystery, but also full of deep satisfaction.

There were traffic jams, and near misses with cars whose drivers had more haste than sense.

There was fog, where I had to drive oh so very slowly.

There were mountain passes where I was glad that it was dark because I think I would have been even more afraid if I could actually have seen the sheer drops that would have truly consumed me had I made one wrong turn or a miscalculation as I took a corner.

But those risks were nothing compared to the deep internal and emotional reward.

I know now that I can drive 350 miles in one stretch.

Well, one stretch but with bathroom breaks and Red Bull and Subway sandwiches. Heh.

But for someone like me, who has always said that my mind goes places so I don’t have to, now I have to say something else.

I have to say that I am now a woman willing to risk in ways I have not before.

What was once considered Impossible is now considered normative. I have changed.

I have changed my self concept, I have changed what my perceptions are of who I can be and what I can do, and I now know that I am willing to risk it all for my friends.

Not in a way that the more superficial parts of the internet would have us think. Where we throw around words like I love you, and I will always be there for you, like so many meaningless tic tacs.

But, *and*, something much more.

Sometimes people need to know that you are willing to step out of your comfort zone for them.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be behind the wheel of a Santa Fe.

But it can mean learning to look for the white spaces in the words our friends and companions share with us.

And being willing to say ‘hold the phone. I hear what you’re not saying’.

700 miles later, I am back in the comfort and familiarity of the ramshackle old house in North Encanto.

But my world has expanded. My friendship has deepened, and I am very much the same but also very much changed. For that I am so grateful.

Permalink: https://www.facebook.com/laceonrace/posts/pfbid08xyDH6U7maMsx3dvbUHmtjMehzHeBLCX4xzRgWJfTsqip3pxyw1PEfqeAmPiKyZHl

Post Type: Photo

Caption Type: N/A

Is Cross Post: 0

Is Share: 0

Impressions: 450

Reach: 387

Reactions: 8

Comments: 4

Shares: 1